My sons best friends step dad (that raised him from age 5),died exactly one year ago. He was his step Dad for 40 years. His mother got married today.....I just couldn't believe my ears. She said she was more than ready for sex, after all, its been a year. And she was in love!!! What am I missing there?

Its 2 yrs for me and I feel the same as you do. I don't know when it will ever feel better.
I can only think it will be better after we find another companion but .......I'm not positive about that either since I don't have one.

I remember feeling similar loneliness before meeting DH. Now, grief on top of it. I guess maybe some people do find someone within a year, but not everybody does. I hope I do. I don't like being alone. Surely, I can navigate those waters again, successfully. I'm like the stepmom. More than ready. And I do think finding a relationship with another good person would fill some of that void. But, I don't know how you go about doing that. Maybe PRAY really hard ! I'm 6 months, but I have noticed there is a difference between missing Mike and being lonely.

I think everyone is different and there is no set timeline. Maybe finding someone else will fill the void but I don't think it will take away the pai. I can't imagine loving anyone else, doesn't that require a whole heart. I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and missing your husband.

Even though I am only at 7 months I beleive on some level there will always be a forever hurt although with time I beleive it will become less intense. Sandee I dont think you are missing anything. There is no right or wrong in this journey of grief. What works for one doesnt necessarily work for another. There was one widow in my support group thinking of marriage again after 8 months. No one else in our group could imagine that but it doesnt make it wrong for her. Truthfully myself it is not even on the radar at this point. I will never say never because life is full of surprises as was my wife when I first met her. Truthfully though I expereinced such a loving oneness with my wife I am not willing to settle or fill a void due to loniliness. I would have to feel that overwhelming love again if that is possible because when I fall I fall hard. Those that find another partner I wish them only happiness because there is no rule book in this thing called grief.
Gerald

I agree each person is an individual and on their own time table. I hope to one day have a special someone again, I am at 7 months and no where near ready yet. The loneliness is overwhelming at times, but I know this is all part of the process of grief. It is hard seeing the rest of the world moving on with their lives and mine is at a stand still. People seem to think you should just bounce back, they have no clue what we are going through if they haven't done it themselves.

I think the pain will always be there...but not as strongly. I lost my mom when I was in highschool. and although it wasn't as hard on me as losing my husband has been I still dream of her and miss her. but most of the time when I think about her I smile instead of cry. im hoping to have that happen someday when I think about my husband. for me finding someone else wouldn't make me happy. I have kids to raise and I don't want another man to raise them, that was for John to do. not anyone else. im going to finish school and raise our boys. and do whats best for my kids. Maybe you can find something that makes you feel needed. like volunteering or something. My husband was a veteran and always donated to the VA. I plan on doing that as well...kind of remind me of him and keep his spirit alive and well. Best luck. Somedays are way harder than others for no reason.

I am so sorry for your pain, and I do understand how much you miss George and what it's like to wonder if you'll ever be happy again. I wonder all the time when the pain will ease up for more than a day at a time.

As for meeting someone, I think about it sometimes, mostly when a well meaning friend asks, would I ever want to be with someone again? When I ponder some profound and deep truth, like the saying "The love in your heart wasn't put there to stay, love isn't love til you give it away", (which may be from a Holly Hobby plaque I had in the 70's,) I think, sure it's possible.
Some day, maybe, in a galaxy far far away.
Then I watch a late night episode of Dateline or 20/20 about some lonely widow or widower who ended up dead after remarrying some charmer, and that pretty much cures me of the notion.

I get missing sex, but it's the real intimacy, from years together, that goes far beyond sex, - being understood, the trust, love, the shorthand, same values, goals, plans, and all the shared experiences - not having that any longer is the excruciatingly painful part for me.

My goal now is to just get through each day, so I don't worry about meeting someone at all and I can't say it has tremendous appeal. But I realize if it was years later rather than a few months I might feel differently.
I do wish those of you that are ready to move forward and find love again, someone truly wonderful. And in the meantime, I wish you peace of mind, and increasingly good days.
Beginning with tomorrow. Take good care, and there is no need to apologize for feeling down. ((())) Sue

I lost my husband over 4 years ago. Let me tell you at times it still hurts but it's more like a wishing for the past and knowing you can't go back. I have changed alot and I do things I never expected to do. Yesterday my oldest basset Cleo passed away she was 14.She is the dog in my avartar. Another link to my husband gone. I picture in my head my husband and his puppyface running and playing.in the afterlife. I am so sick of death.
Too many empty spaces that can't be refilled.

Thanks for your replies. Just had a meltdown tonight, just wanted to know how long this unhappy time wil last. I am not looking for anyone else. He was the love of my life. We were married 44 years, aii most 45 yrs hen he passed. Our 47 year anniversary will be tomorrow. Guess that is why I'm so sad. Thanks for listening. Terry

Hello there,
Same length of time for me.....two years two 1/2 months to be exact. Your questions are hard to answer because there really is no answer as a one size fits all. Will it always hurt like this? Who knows? It still does for me but not constant........as you also say, as long as you are busy and/or have people around, it is okay.
How many years will it take to feel happy again? And there again, no answer. There is no set time for it. Maybe the answer for some is a year, for others 5 years, for others never. No one knows.
Does anybody else feel like this? That one I CAN answer. Yes. I do. Have come to the realization that there is really nothing you can do to change what happened, and that trying to refocus your thoughts and visions of bad times with the illness, to the good and great times you shared before is helpful.
Hope this helps.
Gloria

I am a little different maybe than some of you, lol, we are all different. I decided very soon after my wife died in May this year that if I found the right person I would remarry.

We were married for 37 years and had a good, happy, marriage. The last 10 years she was fighting stage 4 colon cancer. Every year could have been her last and so maybe I was grieving her leaving me over that time because she only had a 5% chance to live five years.

The thing is that if you were in a happy marriage once then you must have the ability be a good partner. And as others have already posted the closeness and safety you get from a good relationship is what we miss in addition to missing our mate.

I have been watching a lot of movies these last few months, and I stumbled across a very good movie for those of us considering remarrying. It is called 'Safe Haven', available on Netflix.

As Mel40 posted its difficult to find somebody, but if you do then it will be a blessing. I did not appreciate my friends telling me I needed a hobby like cooking or golf to spend my spare time.

I'm not sure this answers the original post, its more in response to other posters in this thread.

I watched two movies yesterday that dealt with widowers. New Jersey Girl, and We bought a Zoo. I accidently watched them. I was cleaning house, left the TV on. Got interested in them both. Surprising enough, I didn't cry. They gave Hope. Sandee

After Sandee's response got me thinking about remarriage just before bed, I did dream I got married, the last dream I had this morning in fact.
It was to someone I have known for years and he had many attractive qualities. Cuddly, generous, liked to travel, and shared my fondness for listening to children. And I liked his voice, voices are huge right? I liked it because I like Tim Allen and that was the guy I married. Tim, reprising his role as Santa, but with a British accent.

I understand missmygeorge that you are feeling especially sad with your anniversary approaching. That is a tough one. I wondered if you might consider sharing some of your anniversary memories with us? I would love to hear about things you and George did to celebrate your many years together. Or any memories of George at all, if you are so inclined. Thinking of you and sending you a big hug. (((()))) Sue

Voices are very important. The guy I broke up with to g with my husband. was 6'4", was gorgeous. But had this high, shrill voice. He was great as long as he didn't speak. My husband was scrawny, handsome, but had the sexiest voice, even until his death. The old x-boyfriend has called me, and even drove 700 miles to see me. Still good looking, and bald, but still has that high shrill voice.