Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Mas63 05/06/2018

Although i don't really know, I feel that a lot of us are at what i call the "mid life" age. Somewhere between 45 and 70. I think this is a very hard age to be a widow/widower.

We're young enough for everyone else to tell us that we could still find long lasting companionship, yet old enough to be settled in our ways and not wanting to start over. I was happy with my Andrew. I wanted to grow old with this man. That was the plan. Well, that was my plan and it did'nt end up that way.

I'm not sure I will ever meet anyone again. I know I can't compare. We have to accept each new person for who they are, not what we had. I am not closing myself off to the possibility but, at 55, I don't know if i want to go through all the new relationship stuff again.

Has anyone found another that they share their life with after such a loss? No judgements here, all i wish is for everyone to have a life of happiness again. I just don't know if its possible to begin again with someone new at my age. Just putting it out there, Mish

soozee 05/08/2018

Thank you Martha, very wise words. We said we would go slow and not be public for at least a year. Then the physical part took over and filled a void for both of us. I have stepped back and not chasing him because I know he has nothing to give. I know I can't ask to see him more because I know he can't handle it. I need to wrap my head around the situation and not look to him to make me happy. We have great chemistry but it's addictive, especially after our losses. I'm using this time to work on my own issues of being alone, and being independent again. I know I need to make myself happy before I can be in a healthy relationship too. I know I am saying all the right things but it's very hard to do. I appreciate the support here and am trying to work on my anxiety when I can't see him or do things with him. I guess a little of him is better than nothing and I couldn't stand to see him with someone else. I think he feels the same way about me and neither of us can stand to say good bye right now. sigh.

raininseattle 05/08/2018

"The saddest part of unrequited love is that despite the fact that your mind knows that you can't get what you desire but your heart silently keeps praying for that one person who is your last thought every night and your first memory every morning. The worst past is that your mind keeps telling you to move on and your heart keeps holding on to that one dream that is never going to come true. The more your mind tries to forget about him, the more your heart keeps loving him."

Aarti Khurana

red1962 05/08/2018

I lost my wife she was 52 I'm 55 we were married over 30 years the empty
lonely feeling becomes overwelming and she's only been gone since jan
but she battled cancer for six years.she told me before she passed she wanted
me to find someone she new I wasn't one for being alone.I will never stop
loving her or ever forget the life we shared together but someday I
hope to find someone again not to take her place someone to share my
life with talk to smile with I hope take care

Mas63 05/08/2018

One day at a time Red, My gosh she battled for six years. What a courageous and brave soul. My hubbie with his rare cancer (carcinoid) only lasted 8 months. Cancer sucks! I'm glad you found this site and there really are genuine people who know your loss right here...i'm one of them..thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts on my post. I found you all to be inspirational.

soozee 05/08/2018

Thank you Aarti - your response was spot on. That is what I long for and maybe I will get it in the long run? I guess it's silly to be hopeful. I've put myself in a difficult situation. Everyone here is so understanding and I know there are no easy answers. I need to trust in the Lord to see what he has planned without screwing it up in the interim. Again, I appreciate your response and words of wisdom.

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