You know in your heart if it feel right. What a wonderful idea to take someone in and give them all the love you have in your heart. Just be sure you can afford to have her with you? I know I am hurting financially since Joe passed away.
I would love to have someone with me but I am about to put this house on the market due to lack of funds. What are the feelings of the adopted family? If they are ok with it then why not give it a try?
Much love to you, Ann

Teenagers are a challenge, and I think, if she moves in, there should be rules, that are set up ahead of time. It is such a shame, that kids at this age, don't have a stable home and you are very gracious to offer her a home.

I've raised 2 children, and my daughter was so much more trouble, than my son. You just need to go into this, with your eyes wide open. You could offer a trial period, and see how it works out.

If you think she will be company for you, I think you will find, she won't be at home too much. I have a 19 year old, granddaughter, that just pops in for a few minutes, and then is off with friends.

Good Luck and I admire what you are trying to do.
Paula

I would talk with the adopted parents first to get their thoughts and hear both sides of the story. It's wonderful that you are reaching out to this young lady and may change her life forever. I'm sure you have thought of all the things that could happen having a teenager in your home. Bless you and a great big hug.

If it feels right then go for it. I wouldnt want to see you get hurt. Karen

Why was she unable to adjust to her adoptive parents home? That is a question I would want answered if I were to do this. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide. I hope you don't get hurt in the process. Big hugs for a Big Heart...

Why was she unable to adjust to her adoptive parents home? That is a question I would want answered if I were to do this. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide. I hope you don't get hurt in the process. Big hugs for a Big Heart...

You will know if this is the right decsion FOR YOU.

I agree with these lovely ladies, and my only concerns would be if the adoptive parents are on board as you and they get along so well, and that you have the full story of the adjustment not working out, and why.

Teens can be a great joy, and also are MUCH harder work than toddlers for sure!! I don't know why they call it the terrible twos, It aboslutely shoud be the terrible teens! Adolesence is such a hard time for both child and caregiver!!!

after all the information if you think it would be a good fit, than absolutely go for it! You would be affecting another life FOR THE BETTER and as you said you are familiar with teens that have had a hard time of it!

She and her adoptive family are BOTH so LUCKY to have you in their lives! Keep us updated and let us know what happens!

HUGs and I'm sure so many more from the family coming!!!! :-)

Diane

Why was she unable to adjust to her adoptive parents home? That is a question I would want answered if I were to do this. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide. I hope you don't get hurt in the process. Big hugs for a Big Heart...

I think that others have covered all the concerns or questions that should be asked before making this decision. Setting ground rules is a good thing. Maybe letting everyone know that it may be a trial to see if it works for all those concerned.
Once you have all the information, you will know what is right for you. It is very generous of you to offer to give her a home and could be good company for you......wishing you the best........hugs

You are taking on a huge responsibility to consider this after only a short (relatively) time after losing your husband. I would advise you to think the entire thing through. It's a gallant offer but I'm afraid it is more problemmatic than you realize. My advise is concentrate on you and the effects it could have on you. Sharon

Thanks, everybody, for your remarks. The main reason she is unable to get along with her adoptive parents is that she refuses to live by their rules and answer their questions about where she is going and what she is doing. She is experiencing her first taste of freedom and making her own decisions. She is opposed to using birth control and takes many pregnancy tests. Right now she is living with her very unwholesome mother and loving not having any rules to have to live by but hates living in the chaos that is her mother's life. I was thinking of being a transition between NO rules, chaos, bad language, disregard for the law, to ease her into some sort of routine and clean living. I would try to provide the loving, stable, but less controling household than her adoptive parents. I would have some rules, of course, but we would be a little more like grandma/granddaughter than mother/daughter. The rules would not be AS restrictive as her adoptive mother's. I did the same for her little brother who is now with his adoptive mom & dad and is doing very well and obeying the rules. Her brother was only 10 when I had him with me. that was 6 yrs ago.

May I ask what rules she considers to be too restrictive?

I think you need to give this serious consideration. If she is not able to live by their rules in a apparently stable home and chooses her biological mothers house which is "unwholesome" then she may not be able to live by your rules.

Do you plan on never asking her where she is or been or have a curfew, etc. Will she be responsible for paying any bills...and what happens if she fails to pay you...or is she allowed to rely on you for support/ What about health insuracne? Will you insist she study for her GED?

the pregnancy issue is a major concern. She is against birth control yet is having unprotected sex and taking multiple
pregnancy tests. Will you allow male visitors at the house and in her bedroom? What happens if one of those tests comes back positive?

I understand that you had her brother but a 10 year old is a lot different than an 18 year old as far as choices and attitude . The things you describe as needing to ease into...no bad language, disrespect for the law, cursing, etc....I can;t imagine allwoing those in any situation. i don;t think saying it's a grandmother relationship over a mother relationship makes a diffeence...i don;t think either would allow such behavior.

If you take her in...do you risk having to ask her to leave eventually...or are you willing to support her and any resulting effects/children in this case?

I hope you can make a wise decision. One that is best for your life and your needs.

I think before you make the giant leap into being her interim parent, that you might want to try having her stay with you for a couple of weeks to see what that would be like. Say you want to have a holiday with her - maybe spring break or something. Then you can see what she is really like on a day-to-day basis before you commit yourself, your home, your resources to this endeavor.

If she can tolerate your house rules for two weeks, fine, then explore it being more long term. If however even two weeks of some rules is more than she could handle, you are better off knowing that in advance.

Play it safe. I understand your desire to help. My sons had a friend in a similar position. A young man whose mother was dead and his father was arrested for drugs. He came and stayed with us because he had literally nowhere to go until his father made bail. He wanted to live with us, but there was no way I could do that - I couldn't support 3 kids on my own, especially where I was emotionally. Instead, I found as much help for him and his dad as I could, and I also provided him with some basics - a cell phone in case he got stranded, some decent clothes, etc.

I think sometimes, too, that God's tests are not just for us but for our communities. You may be the one to help this girl, but your help may need to be as a different kind of conduit for help.

I know that foster kids who turn 18 are sometimes put out on the street regardless of whether they have anywhere to go - even if they are still trying to finish high school. It's one of the worst catches of our foster system.

I hope it all goes well and that she is able to turn her life around. But at the same time, please proceed with caution. Do a trial run of a couple of weeks first. And keep us posted!

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I know that foster children in our state are allowed to stay in foster care untuil they graduate. They are also provided with paid tuition to any state public univerisity so that makes college feasible for them between that and grants. We alos have group homes for foster children to live in after graduating until they are on their feet. If one chooses to not use these, they lose the option because the state remains their protector.

Adopted children in our state are also given free tuition. Even if adopted at birth it is a benefit given to those families.

Think long and hard before taking in a teenager. They are a handful. I took in my own grandson and it was the worst thing for me that I could have done. I needed...and still am in the process of...to adjust to my husbands death. The complications brought about by a teens thinking can be frustrating at best. I have a roommate now in a man friend I have known for 25 years. He is quiet, works a lot, is relatively clean, considerate and a good friend...I enjoy the rent but I miss my privacy. Our arrangement is working out ...he observes my rules and TV programs..LOL...I allowed him for a roommate as there was a time frame in the arrangement. Within a year and a half he will be moving to Hawaii so there is an out.
Your heart is in the right place concerning this girl but when you can't fix her situtation it will weigh heavily on you and then you could be faced with asking her to leave...like I said..think hard about this major decision and another change in your life.
Wishing you the best...Linda