Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I do more reading than posting my own discussions. Sometimes I can't find the words.
Im in the dark. Been there for a while now. Can't get out. It feels like I'm in a closet that has no way out and no light. I can barely see my husband's face and I can't hear his voice. I try so hard to hear him and remember the good times but when I do it reminds me of what I no longer have.
I just recently hit the one year mark. Not that the date makes a difference. Some say I should be proud. Proud of what?? So I survived a year..... geez lucky me. I have done nothing more than grieve and I can't tell you how much that has taken out of me both physically and mentally.
Why do others get second chances and our loved ones didn't? Who gets to choose that? not fair. I hate being alone. No one could ever fill his shoes. I do see others that have found someone else or another path in life, a new start as a single. but I guess Im not to that point. I have no interest in anything or anyone. No energy, no drive, nothing but pain and sadness. When I smile it quickly turns to tears. Some one even told me they thought I "wanted to stay in the grief" Um Ok yea I love it here. Crazy widow?? It feels like no one cares how I feel unless I say Im fine. Then its "oh good that's great" If I start to say something else or act the way I feel then people just disappear.
I know he's not coming back but how do I see any future with out my soul mate? Our future was together. Not alone.
thanks for listening to my rant. Wouldn't know what to do without DS
Hugs Lisa
Im in the dark. Been there for a while now. Can't get out. It feels like I'm in a closet that has no way out and no light. I can barely see my husband's face and I can't hear his voice. I try so hard to hear him and remember the good times but when I do it reminds me of what I no longer have.
I just recently hit the one year mark. Not that the date makes a difference. Some say I should be proud. Proud of what?? So I survived a year..... geez lucky me. I have done nothing more than grieve and I can't tell you how much that has taken out of me both physically and mentally.
Why do others get second chances and our loved ones didn't? Who gets to choose that? not fair. I hate being alone. No one could ever fill his shoes. I do see others that have found someone else or another path in life, a new start as a single. but I guess Im not to that point. I have no interest in anything or anyone. No energy, no drive, nothing but pain and sadness. When I smile it quickly turns to tears. Some one even told me they thought I "wanted to stay in the grief" Um Ok yea I love it here. Crazy widow?? It feels like no one cares how I feel unless I say Im fine. Then its "oh good that's great" If I start to say something else or act the way I feel then people just disappear.
I know he's not coming back but how do I see any future with out my soul mate? Our future was together. Not alone.
thanks for listening to my rant. Wouldn't know what to do without DS
Hugs Lisa
What you're feeling is so right on! I'm not saying that it's right or wrong it's just so "right-on!"
I'm so sorry that we're here but I know one thing, we are NOT ALONE!
What we're feeling is exactly how we're supposed to feel and those folks who don't want to hear anymore and haven't the patience for our teary, weepy moments had better move aside because it's our new normal, for now! NOT FOREVER, but for now!
The despair of the emptiness can be overwhelming at times. It's all part of the grieving process and can last for a long time. It's becoming less and less and I find that I'm not crying for as long or as deeply as I used to but it doesn't take a huge trigger to bring the tears on.
I'm sorry you're hurting and I want you to know that I totally understand your feelings.
Warmly,
Roz
I recently posted here that I met someone who lost a husband and she gets what I am going through but I think she wanted more than I can offer right now and I put a pause on all that.
Grief zaps all the energy out of you and I feel exhausted all of the time. It lingers just below the surface at all times and I never know when it will pop through and bring me to my knees.
You are a bit further in your journey than I am (8 Mos) and even though I am just trying to get through the year, I don't see myself feeling like I will have reached a milestone at one year. Still I am just biding my time and just praying the days will go by faster so one day I may be able to get on with my life. Hugs to you ~Pete
*HUG*
I had so many questions. None had answers. There are no answers. It's just what is. I hated the word "acceptance ". But there's no choice. Sharon
Hang in there, we're here for you.
Rachel
Hugs,
Jennifer
Each month goes by & you miss them just as much. You may not cry as much like in the beginning, but the emptiness is always there.
So many things remind you of your love. I guess you just keep
going, whatever that means !!!
Take care JoAnn
you expressed the pain I feel so well. I feel like I will always be a crazy widow mourning my wife. I have tried to date since and it has been unsuccessful. I have even been told by my ex after my wife that it was unfair to the people I would date for me to date and I shouldn't date at all.
I'm certainly not ready to date anymore for a while. While I know some widows and widowers are finally ready to marry again and do I do not feel I ever will marry again.
Many of my old friends have disappeared. I have soldiered on for 3 years after my wife's suicide and made new friends. You can go on. It just takes time. A very long time, I am realizing.
Jean
regarding "Some one even told me they thought I "wanted to stay in the grief" Um Ok yea I love it here... "
In grief, I find that people will judge us for ANYthing while they choose to place themselves up "above us".
They aren't in my shoes and can't even imagine it.
It's awful, sometimes I just want to say "Your most Beloved Loved One is only a few breaths away from leaving you exactly where I am now."
THAT should feel different,..but it doesn't, because they aren't yet IN my reality.
My own adult children judge me...they withhold company and comfort for whatever false idea they get..
I never dreamed that false judgement is such a heavy part of grief.
So cruel.
Yet, we will get through all this Together.
Sometimes you guys here are what makes me want to keep living.
I had thought that would've been my own family!
Today I will get to meet the first responders who were there to try and help my husband. They asked to meet me so I am going to say "thank you" for their efforts. Im so afraid, Not sure why... I guess its facing the people who last saw him alive. My brother in law was there too and I have a terrible time seeing him without crying. These were strangers working on the same jobsite and also EMS. I want them to know how much I appreciate all they tried to do.