Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
This is something that I think of when I see people posting on here about their losses or just people out and about.
Im sure at one point in our lives ,when we heard the word widow/widower we kinda of thought "older person" who lost their spouse.
I grew up being raised by my grandmother and my mother who were both widows. My grandfather killed himself in 1979. My grandmother was about 59 and then my dad died by a supposed gunshot accident in 1983 ,my mom was 36 .I was 38 back in July and just turned 39 in November.
I think about 3 generations there of deaths. They weren't lengthy deaths. They were quick and they were done.
I often wonder about the age and the nature of the way our loved ones died for both the deceased and widow/widower.
Im not trying to say that an 70 year widow wouldnt miss her husband that died of an illness anymore/less then a 39 yr widow who lost their spouse to unexpected death.
But sometimes trying to have talk with someone whose spouse died of a long lengthy illness is not the same as someones who spouse died suddenly.
I feel sometimes with an illness such as terminal illness you do have a chance to prepare ,almost get a head start of grieving. My father n law had 5 weeks to prepare for his wife death. Im not saying he didn't take it hard but he did atleast get to say he loved her once last time.
My husband died of sudden cardiac arrest. He said this is it and collapsed on to the floor and that was it. CPR didn't help.
I am a nurse in long term care. I deal with death and dying regulary. I deal with terminal illness/hospice patients. A lot of the spouses that have been dealing with their spouses illness have a lot of compassion but at some point their turn it over to professionals because they can no longer physically meet the demands of the illness. But they visit daily/regular until the time of their spouses death. I feel that they still miss their spouses go through most of the grieving process in a different kind of way. Most of it seems like before the spouse passes.
Im sure at one point in our lives ,when we heard the word widow/widower we kinda of thought "older person" who lost their spouse.
I grew up being raised by my grandmother and my mother who were both widows. My grandfather killed himself in 1979. My grandmother was about 59 and then my dad died by a supposed gunshot accident in 1983 ,my mom was 36 .I was 38 back in July and just turned 39 in November.
I think about 3 generations there of deaths. They weren't lengthy deaths. They were quick and they were done.
I often wonder about the age and the nature of the way our loved ones died for both the deceased and widow/widower.
Im not trying to say that an 70 year widow wouldnt miss her husband that died of an illness anymore/less then a 39 yr widow who lost their spouse to unexpected death.
But sometimes trying to have talk with someone whose spouse died of a long lengthy illness is not the same as someones who spouse died suddenly.
I feel sometimes with an illness such as terminal illness you do have a chance to prepare ,almost get a head start of grieving. My father n law had 5 weeks to prepare for his wife death. Im not saying he didn't take it hard but he did atleast get to say he loved her once last time.
My husband died of sudden cardiac arrest. He said this is it and collapsed on to the floor and that was it. CPR didn't help.
I am a nurse in long term care. I deal with death and dying regulary. I deal with terminal illness/hospice patients. A lot of the spouses that have been dealing with their spouses illness have a lot of compassion but at some point their turn it over to professionals because they can no longer physically meet the demands of the illness. But they visit daily/regular until the time of their spouses death. I feel that they still miss their spouses go through most of the grieving process in a different kind of way. Most of it seems like before the spouse passes.
Cheri~
If Steven would have survived CPR ,he would have had brain damage which is something I would NOT have put him through. He was only 43. The life he would have had would not have been his.
Sometimes I wonder why do people do that too there love ones.
I do think sometimes expcially when it comes to older people when their spouses have been in nursing home for a while that they are more at ease with preparing for their spouses death.
I think when spouses put their loved ones in nursing homes and they are there for long periods of time they have move time to adjust to being home alone. A lot of times older couples have their final things planned such as what funeral home,cementary.headstones,church/preacher.
Most of time older couples have their homes and vehicles paid for.
All i can say is they have made their transition and it is much more difficult for us that are left behind to be here missing them. And even though our loved ones have long gone from this life as the days, weeks, months & years go by, we are also as each day passes by that much closer to being reunited with them again when our time comes. And just because we can't see them with our physical eyes i feel their presence with me in my heart everyday. And there is no right or wrong when it comes to grieving, we all have had a special and unique relationship with all those we have loved, and we go through this life the best we can, always realizing that death is inevitable for all of us eventually. It was never meant to be forever here in this life.
My wife was 53 and died of a heart attack. I was blindsided. Since her death on 28 August 2015 ( coming up on 4 months ), some widows and widowers have told me it was fortunate that she died suddenly without a prolonged illness. I know those comments are meant to provide comfort but it doesn't seem to help. All I know is she is gone and there will be no tomorrows with her. That fact seems to dominate all of my thinking. I think a prolonged death and sudden death are equally painful when there is so much love involved. Darrell
My mother died after years and years of suffering with all the side effects of diabetes.
My brother died suddenly and unexpectedly while playing in his garden.
My husband died within weeks after suffering a stroke that had left him paralyzed and filled with rage and dementia.
It breaks our hearts, our spirits and blindsides our emotions. Knowing that I'm not alone and there are people like all of you helps so much!
With Love,
Roz