Sorry to hear that Scott but unfortunately its all too common. So many people want me to move back to our home but will they be there when I pull in with the moving truck?? Doubt it. They all know how terrified I am of driving the truck but no one has volunteered to drive it for me.
Its too bad we all (here) live far away from each other. I know I can count on the other members to at least listen and talk to me. I know each and every one would help.
I would have gladly taken you to the dentist.

That does seem to be the standard greeting, and as you said, I think some people do not really mean it. They just want to pay their respects and don't know what else to say, I guess. I am lucky that quite a few people care enough to check up on me and have gone out of their way to help me survive. Some have gone to great lengths and expense. Others are long-distance angels. I am still angry at people who were supposed to be friends that I have never heard from at all, not even a card. Your offer to your boss's wife is more sincere, because I am sure you mean it and will follow through! Hugs to you, Patti

Scott - I have a son named Scott by the way

Is it not sad all too familiar words. I have looked back on if or when I said it, I honestly remember doing just that helping. I came from rural Montana where neighbors were really neighbors.

I am only 5 ft 1 3/4 inch tall and sometimes I can not physically do certain things on my place. But getting my husbands best friends to come over and help for just a few mins, hrs is like NOPE
I like you do not get it.

Wish we were closer to those on this list.

Oh Ouch on getting the teeth pulled out.

You are a good person to help your boss, he will need you.

I believe that people just do not know what to say. Then there are the people who feel guilty because they are glad it is not them.

I hope you find as many angels as I did. People who help you along the way.

Hugs, Holly

Sometimes it is hard for someone to even express their condolences. They are not being callous, but they just don't know what to say, and they realize it could happen to them too.
I have been somewhat lucky, I have friends who have done more than just talk. My family cares, I know that, but death brings a reality into life. We are mortal and death will happen to us all. Many people just can't deal with that realization, so they back off. Judith

Scott, I agree with somuch that has been said here. Other people in our lives mean well, but they have their own lives. Sometimes the reality of death is just to close and they don't want to face it. I agree if we could all live near each other, we would be of great help to one another. I wish I had know about your need for a driver for your dental appointment. I don't believe that we are that far appart distance wise, that I couldn't have helped. Wishing you the best in your recovery. I am glad that your boss has you around, you will be of great comfort to one another.

I think this would be a good topic for an Oprah show. She would get people thinking and talking about how to help widows(ers).

How many times do you hear it "if there is anything I can do, anything at all, just call" I truly believe that people mean it when they say it. Then, time goes by and yep...they get back to their own lives.
I have some true friends that did not have to say "it"..they were (and still are) just there. A neighbour brought me dinner for a week after Mike died..she just did it. Many others have helped me without even blinking an eye.
Now when I am the one attending the funeral or comforting a mate..I just do it. Does not take much to just be there and glad to hear so many of us do have some great friends.
Cindy
xxoo

Scott, I heard it too many times, and it mostly ended up being lip service.

When my husband was alive, every winter he would not only snow blow our property, but the surrounding neighbors also. Granted we live in a 55+ and some of our neighbors aren't in any shape to tackle snow. Now that he is gone, and when it snows, I'm basically on my own. The only neighbors who even bother to make sure my property gets cleared are the ones next store.

i'm not saying i need anything.just a phone call or stop by to check in on me would be nice.but i am learning who i can count on me.scott

I think that most people care, but are absolutely clueless as to what it feels like to lose your other half. There is nothing that can make us feel better, but those times when we actually do need others, it would be so nice if someone was actually there.

My husband was also a mechanic. He was the first one to give someone a hand that needed it. Now I am realizing that a lot of people who were there for us and with us in this world are fading into the background. I wonder sometimes, was it only him that people cared about?

Most of what he did, I was there with him standing behind him and cheering him on for being such a great person. He was not there alone for the world...every time he was there...it was us that were there for people.

How is your mouth doing? Is everything healing okay? My husband got all of his upper teeth pulled and got dentures about five years before he died. I remember it being pretty tender for awhile.

It must be twice as tender with both upper and lowers being pulled at the same time.

Hope your mouth heals quickly.

hugs....
-Diana

When my Husband passed, we were just starting over financially after going broke trying to stay close to his parents in Michigan who's failing health was a major concern to both Bob and I. We had no choice but to leave Mi. for Illinois to find work. Life insurance had not yet made the waiting period, by about 30 days. I never asked his kids (from a previous marriage) or his Parents or siblings for anything but they knew I did not have the money for the funeral and Offered help in paying and after agreeing to accept their help, I gave Bob the kind of funeral they had wanted for him which was way over what I could afford. They also requested I send $1700.00 to his son's to fly them in from Utah (both of whom were over 21 and working) . When the smoke had cleared, they were gone (haven't heard from them since) and the enormous bill was mine alone. By the Grace of God I was able to pay it off along with the Hospital bills. It took over a year and a half and left me only enough for the bare necessities for myself, and using the food pantry for food since there was no room for food in my budget. Definately a hard lesson learned, for me.

Scott, I can also relate. I have a neice and nephew just a few miles away and were my husbands relatives. I remarried into his family. Not once, have they beein in touch with me since his death. My husband's golfing buddie and his wife have become my friends. They call a few times a week, and when my 8 year old cockatiel died on Monday, they were the first ones to visit. I have thought about moving back home to NJ, but not sure if I could handle the cold weather, so here I sit in Florida. At least I am on the water. I have learned there are friends and aquaintences. I feel sorry for you having to have your teeth pulled. Have a good day. Pat

Luckily, you are learning to be strong thru this sad ordeal. I had 3 years to get used to relying on outside people for very little.

I work with the public, so I realize most of the niceites that folks lavish on us are just that. Thank God, Mary wasn't ill, she just had brain Cancer, so we got by with just a little help here and there. I expected nothing, but was totallly overwhelmed by emotional support from the people at my church...want to try that? It's not for everyone, but it really helped me. just a thougth.

Peace and strength on this journey!

bostonjules

Scott, I also can relate to this. The friends always say that because they have nothing else to say. What they really mean is do not call me no matter what you need. I call it lip service. They give no consideration to the fact that Mike would have been there for them in time of need. I now count most of these people as former friends. My kids also get the same treatment. Parents no longer include my children in parties and gatherings. It is lonely out there finding out who your real friends are.

Maggie