Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
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if this isn't the bottom . . .

Squeege
Squeege
squeege committed suicide in mid December. Found out on Monday she was using drugs in the last month. Went to dinner with her work mates who told me she was on drugs for years, they couldn't believe i didn't know. And all this suffering over her "manic depression" "bi-polar" etc . . . nope i bled my heart and soul for fifteen years for a lie.

sorry to be so bleak, iv'e never experienced such devastation. I thought her drowning in bath was the worst but no this hole just goes on forever, the longer i live the worse it gets
horsepad
horsepad
After my husband committed suicide, I found out he was living a lie. I never knew the financial problems he had for many years that he hid from me. For me, the hardest part was to know he was struggling and didn't feel he could come to me to talk about it.
Squeege
Squeege
your all such beautiful people. i cant stop crying. thanks for caring.
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
Pete, I am trying to understand to be clear. If your wife had bipolar disorder, she would have been treated with medications - i.e., "drugs." Is it possible that her coworkers did not understand that she was on medication that had been prescribed? There is a huge difference between self-medicating and taking drugs that have been prescribed. Her coworkers may not have had the whole picture. A lot of people with bipolar do not share that information with the people they work with, much less the particulars of their treatment.

Bipolar is treated with medication. It is the only thing that really works. There are lifestyle adjustments that support stability, but the foundation for bipolar treatment is always medication. Unfortunately, many bipolar sufferers go off their prescribed meds after periods of normalcy, and often with tragic consequences. They may then self-medicate with alcohol, street drugs, pot, etc.

My new husband, Acuriousfish has Bipolar 2. He is also a Community Leader ("CL") for the Bipolar Group here at DS. I have learned a lot from him. He created this essay for the Family & Friends of Bipolar Group which may help you understand what your wife was dealing with. The important point, I think, is to separate the person from the disorder. I still believe that she loved you. The bipolar is not the person. The bipolar may have caused her alcohol/drug usage and suicide, but it is still not who she was as a person. This essay may help give you some info as a starting point:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Family_and_Friends_of_Bipolar/forum/7938075-intro-bipolar-long

Bipolar sufferers have a significantly high risk of suicide. It has nothing to do with who they love or how much they love. It is all down to brain chemistry and whether they get treatment and stick with treatment.

A psychiatrist can help you understand this, as well as help you through this crisis. Please don't delay any longer on seeking out help. It's a lot to contend with, and it will help you. Honest.

Love and Hugs,
Martha