I'm so sorry. I really have no words. But the ache in my heart for you is real. ((((HUGS))))
Nancy

Words fail me too but not everything is a lie. I understand your shock. However, Louise was married to you for fifteen years so her love was real, not a lie. Addicts to whatever are very good at hiding their addictions, particularly to the people closest to them. You loved her and you maybe had that blind spot there.

I am no expert on addictions but I guess she wanted to protect you from the truth. You said you were going to seek professional help to help you unravel all these feeling, you probably need it more than ever to come to term with what you see as a betrayal but which might not be. I don't know. I can only say that we are here to support you and let you express your feelings without judgement.

I wish you all the strength you can find within yourself to forgive her, in time. In my view, it might be a long way off but it will be also the end of your torture. But this is just my opinion and I am sure professional counselling will be more apt to help you achieve eventually some peace.

Big hig to you.

I am so sorry. I know how it feels to be betrayed by the one you love. After my husbands death, I found my entire life with him had been a complete lie. 49 years. And he hid it all too well. You do tend to overlook things, while they were alive. As time goes by, you will find out even more. You have to gather yourself up, look inside yourself and find peace. I don't regret my actions, and that is all I have control of, not his actions. The pain will always be there. I just hope it doesn't cause me to mistrust others. Or you. You still have a long life ahead of you to love again.

I pray for Peace for you. Sandee

How very difficult it is when you learn that the person you love is not who you thought they were. It is such a shock, I know. I would only offer that she may still, indeed, have suffered from a bipolar disorder and was using drugs to try to manage the disorder. Either way, she was deeply troubled and struggling with life. I hope that you can soon find peace with this news and the knowledge that you tried to help her, no matter what the cause of her problems were.

I am sorry this burden has been added to your already devastating loss. Sending thoughts out to you as you deal with this new information. Please know that people here truly care about you.

I hope and pray you have access to some sort of professional counselling. I am truly truly sorry for everything you have to deal with.
As others have said we do care. God bless. Gerald

I am praying that out of your pain will come joy in the days, months and years to come. That you will be blessed more than you can ever imagined. I truly believe that. Be Blessed.

Your pain is very real and my heart goes out to you. I do hope you will seek professional help to steer you through this. It is possible that there were other problems involved besides the addiction, bi-polar being one of them. Bi-polarism, also known as manic-depressive, when not managed appropriately, is an insidious disease; and it is something frequently found in those with addictions. Know this for sure, you did all you could do to help, you could do no more. The bottom line is that we can never control the choices another makes....that is theirs and theirs alone. I do understand your pain. It is difficult to watch someone we love self-destruct. My adult daughter is both an recovering addict and manic-depressive. It took a long time for me to realize that about the only thing I can do is love her. I can't control her choices. While she is in recovery at the moment, that can and has changed quickly periodically. It is a roller-coaster relationship. Come here often; and you might want to join another board on DS specifically dedicated to bi-polarism/manic-depression also. Blessings.

1st. and for most the work mates should have kept this information until you were a little stronger. I say this because your last few posts show how fragile you are. I am not saying that they should have kept this a secret, just that this might not have been the best time.
2nd. I lot of people that have a mental illness will self medicate themselves. They do not always disclose this to their families. Families may not see what is happening.
Do not beat yourself up for something that you had no control over. Squeege had her own life journey to live. Here are lots of hugs

yes, millerb i wasn't ready for more bad information, it's not their fault though. Thankyou all for you thought's. My younger brother's best friend called me while my head was spinning last night and asked me if he could come round and talk. He told me he could't stop drinking and was urinating blood and needed help, it snapped me out of my thinking and gave me a something else to focus on at least for a few hours. I must be the 'go-to' guy for people with addictions.
I keep delaying getting help cause i'm too proud but i definitely now accept to go on and not seek professional help is just foolish and i get all i deserve if i don't.
Again, thank you all for your words. I really couldn't stop myself from sharing this information and i was a little embarrassed at the time but i'm now i'm glad i did. Pete

Don't ever be embarrassed to share with us. Sometimes just telling someone about something eases the pain a little, and that is what we are here for.

Pete ...

Please re-read ... twice if necessary ... the responses by Papagena and Rosepa.

I do not believe your life with Squeege was a lie; I do think she kept things from you to avoid hurting you. It is obvious that you are kind and compassionate, and those qualities are probably what she loved most about you.

Please be kind to yourself now. Speak with a professional, even if it's just a few sessions, to get back on your feet.

I'm praying for you ... and apparently so are lots of others here!
Wishing you peace ...

My sister who was going to be 58 this year overdosed in Nevada and they took her off life support Feb 6th. I know she was haunted by past abuse and has medicated herself for years. She didn't have insurance to get bi-polar meds. She was not a functioning person and was afraid of everything. I'm glad she is free. I just miss her. She died 18 days after my husband. I couldn't save her from herself. No one can save someone who does drugs. They can only save themselves. both my husband and my sister were undiagnosed bi-polar. They were mostly unhappy. You could've helped her. She is free now.

Please don't be too proud for help. I was married to my first husband for 13 years and he hid his true self from me. He was very good at explaining away anything I questioned. In the end the truth did come out and I was devastated by the complete betrayal I faced. The only thing that pulled me through was professional counseling.

Since Don died I have had well meaning friends (?) inform me of things I did not know. The betrayal is not as bad as my first husband but enough to shake me to the core. I survive due to the skills I was taught through psychotherapy all those years ago. I have gone to several bereavement support groups and am now seeing a therapist. There is no one I know that I can talk freely and openly to. It is a blessing to be able to talk to a therapist who has no agenda but to help me come to terms with my situation. I whole heartedly encourage you to find a knowledgeable professional that you can be comfortable with.

It can be devastating to find out something like this about someone that you thought you knew better than anyone. I understand how awful that can feel. I hope I don't find out something I don't want to know.
What I can say is that my husband was also diagnosed with bi-polar 2 depression and PTSD. He self-medicated and was really worried about my opinion of this. Maybe your wife felt the same way about you finding out about it.
Either way, hearing that kind of news can shake your foundation. Hope you feel better