Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Hello to you all and I hope all of you are doing better most days.
I had hope today that it would be just like any other day. I was down and kind of overwhelmed with projects (on my mind) so I called and spoke to my sis in law. She helped put things in some perspective for me as I was at first normal then my voice began cracking and i started to cry. It's her brother that was my hubby who died. We talked and things got better and so began my day. Outside was super hot with high heat index and I was pretty hot by days end of my outside chores. I still haven't gotten much done on some projects , they are outside and I've been too hot. Well I wasn't feeling too good the last few days after getting multiple stings by the Yellow Jacket wasps. I thought i was coming down with something and felt very tired and worn out.
I want all of you to know that when my day ended I felt a terrible sense of loss again of my husband but I had done SO GOOD all day, just talking out loud to hubby and enjoying the animals.
I miss the hum-drum days. Days when we could sit around because it was just too hot outside and enjoy talking politics or religious faith or watching a good movie. Now each day seems like it's 34 hours long.
I know my husband will never be back, I know that I won't see him or feel his touch and see his sparkling blue eyes, hear his sense of humor and be amazed at his incredible wit. Run my hand through his curly salt and pepper thick hair that i absolutely loved. I took a locke of his hair when he passed away. I wanted to have something of him. His hair feels soft and smells of a sweet shampoo.
But through it all, i still feel that it is you people, that truly understand why i have a great day then am in pieces by nightfall.
I still wish I had Don, but I know it's not possible. I am accepting that fact. But i still miss him everyday.
I went out into the pasture with the manure spreader and ran out of gas. Walked back to the garage for gas and walked back out there to fill the tank of the mower i ride (old one) that pulls the spreader. Then i took the tractor and picked up branches and stacked them in the bucket so i could dispose of them. Got on the new mower to check the mail and all along looking at our pastures, 50 acres of cleared land, fenced and cross fenced...all put up by my husband. I thanked him outloud for our place and all his work.
Working outside has given me quite a tan and I need to remember to use the tan lotion.
Well, this is now my "just another day". Alone, thinking too much and worrying too much, then feeling happy and singing along with the radio in the barn. I feel like 2 people.
I look forward to being one person again with a good outlook on life and my job and my work with the animals. I love my job, I get to work from home. I sell lumber. Working from home allowed me to take care of my husband when he had both cancers and with technology i just take my smartphone with me everywhere we went, hospital, doctors, chemo, ER, etc,, etc and i could do my work anywhere.
I won't be moving anytime soon. People say if everything reminds you of your husband maybe you should move. I say, that's just IT, everything reminds me of my husband and I am grateful to him for it all.
Trying to feel normal again....you know, it's not so easy.
Pleasant dreams to all of you out there, widows and widowers. I hope you wake up from a dream so wonderful that you say WOW, that seemed so real...even if it brings tears to your eyes.
Take care all of you. I hope you are doing a bit better each month, because each day is just not enough time.
Good night to my friends, good night to all of you! :)
I had hope today that it would be just like any other day. I was down and kind of overwhelmed with projects (on my mind) so I called and spoke to my sis in law. She helped put things in some perspective for me as I was at first normal then my voice began cracking and i started to cry. It's her brother that was my hubby who died. We talked and things got better and so began my day. Outside was super hot with high heat index and I was pretty hot by days end of my outside chores. I still haven't gotten much done on some projects , they are outside and I've been too hot. Well I wasn't feeling too good the last few days after getting multiple stings by the Yellow Jacket wasps. I thought i was coming down with something and felt very tired and worn out.
I want all of you to know that when my day ended I felt a terrible sense of loss again of my husband but I had done SO GOOD all day, just talking out loud to hubby and enjoying the animals.
I miss the hum-drum days. Days when we could sit around because it was just too hot outside and enjoy talking politics or religious faith or watching a good movie. Now each day seems like it's 34 hours long.
I know my husband will never be back, I know that I won't see him or feel his touch and see his sparkling blue eyes, hear his sense of humor and be amazed at his incredible wit. Run my hand through his curly salt and pepper thick hair that i absolutely loved. I took a locke of his hair when he passed away. I wanted to have something of him. His hair feels soft and smells of a sweet shampoo.
But through it all, i still feel that it is you people, that truly understand why i have a great day then am in pieces by nightfall.
I still wish I had Don, but I know it's not possible. I am accepting that fact. But i still miss him everyday.
I went out into the pasture with the manure spreader and ran out of gas. Walked back to the garage for gas and walked back out there to fill the tank of the mower i ride (old one) that pulls the spreader. Then i took the tractor and picked up branches and stacked them in the bucket so i could dispose of them. Got on the new mower to check the mail and all along looking at our pastures, 50 acres of cleared land, fenced and cross fenced...all put up by my husband. I thanked him outloud for our place and all his work.
Working outside has given me quite a tan and I need to remember to use the tan lotion.
Well, this is now my "just another day". Alone, thinking too much and worrying too much, then feeling happy and singing along with the radio in the barn. I feel like 2 people.
I look forward to being one person again with a good outlook on life and my job and my work with the animals. I love my job, I get to work from home. I sell lumber. Working from home allowed me to take care of my husband when he had both cancers and with technology i just take my smartphone with me everywhere we went, hospital, doctors, chemo, ER, etc,, etc and i could do my work anywhere.
I won't be moving anytime soon. People say if everything reminds you of your husband maybe you should move. I say, that's just IT, everything reminds me of my husband and I am grateful to him for it all.
Trying to feel normal again....you know, it's not so easy.
Pleasant dreams to all of you out there, widows and widowers. I hope you wake up from a dream so wonderful that you say WOW, that seemed so real...even if it brings tears to your eyes.
Take care all of you. I hope you are doing a bit better each month, because each day is just not enough time.
Good night to my friends, good night to all of you! :)
Your days are long, you work so hard, you love your animals, your land....you are so full of Gratitude for everything your precious husband, built and worked hard for.....I love your attitude, you caring and compassion for all of us here.
You, deserve Everything. That's good in Life, your Dear husband was totally blessed to have a wonderful wife, like you.
May tomorrow bring you joy and peace, Thank You for just being you.
Hugs....Sandra
I am trying to remind myself when i begin getting sad, that i am glad my Don is no longer suffering. I don't want to go to that place that takes me to, i should've, could've, etc. That is not good for my mind and soul. So you try too. It's not easy but try. Kiss their pictures and Urns if you have them. Put flowers besides their Urns or in your bedroom. That what I have begun doing and it's beauty reminds me of Don's beauty of heart.
That is all we can do to get through this hardship. Ask for help when you need it, don't hesitate. That's what FRIENDS and FAMILY are for.....Help me, i need it.
I decided I will do that if i need to, if i can fix it myself I will.
The more I do, the more i remember from my teacher, my husband.
I used his big sanding machine the other day and sanded a piece of wood. I always used his enormous air compressor for all the tires from mowers to car to tractor. It's big because of his welding work and steel work he did. I am beginning to wire brush his large tools like his 20 ton press to get the rust off then apply a thin layer of oil to protect it. I will then cover it. But it's a job I must tell you. Maybe I'll try his electric wire brush, it's huge I don't know if i can hold it still on once it starts, but i can try. It would be so much faster that way.
I'll let you know if it flies out of my hands or i get it done. HA!
As long as i don't break anything else in the meantime, huh??
take care all of you. STay busy. It's the only way.
Letty
Jen