Honestly, I don't know. No one does. It just takes each of us what it takes. And not a one of us really knows what lies ahead. I learned that the hard way with my wife's cancer. Shit happens for no rhyme or reason. Your job is to just hang in there, however long it takes. And never ever lose hope :) Scott

Wow, nine years. Obviously you two were totally meant to be together, and yes, you were robbed! It’s been almost 9 months for me and the only thing I know for sure, is that eight years from now, I will still be in love with her. What a sick, got wrenching feeling to have to go through on a daily basis. And the several months that I have been on this site, the only advice that ever made sense to me was to listen to what everyone else has gone through and know that we all feel the same way. No one around us, at home, neighbors, Friends and yes, even family cannot understand or feel her daily pain., but everyone else on this site absolutely knows and understands.

I'd say that if you're asking about being grateful for what you had, you are already grateful for it. You are also still pained and angry. These emotions are not mutually exclusive. I often find that I feel them at the very same time about the very same thing. You were cheated. No one should have to endure the pain that we all have. It's ok to feel that way. I do hope, though, that you can give yourself the permission to feel that happiness at the memories too.

You are not alone with your feelings. I just crossed the eight-year mark, and I understand your pain. I, too, try to be grateful for the wonderful relationship that we shared knowing that not everyone is as fortunate to find "the one." We had 27 years, not nearly long enough. I am so lonely and am trying to work on this new life without him, but I have made little progress. I have been seeing a therapist, and it helps to be able to talk about my grief. Only those who have experienced the loss that we have truly understand which is why I am still on this site. Hugs to you, Roxanne

Sorry to hear of your sadness, and loss.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO1rMeYnOmM

It's been a very long time since I logged onto this site. My husband died 9 years ago and I'm okay................but today..........just needed to commiserate with someone-anyone lol I hate having to scroll through my phone to find someone who might go to dinner with me or whatever. It's either calling a friend and being rejected........or waiting for the phone to ring. (It doesn't). I really miss my husband...................my date for everything. He never said no - only said that he loved having me on his arm.. It's just one of those days

Thank you for writing, icezam19. It sounds like you are healing, one day at a time. I know it's not the life you wanted it to be. It's hard to know we can't have THAT life again, the way it was, the way that seemed the best; but God has new things for you to experience, new joys that you haven't seen yet.

I'm glad you have friends to go out with. That helps alot. It is part of finding the new normal, the new memories, the new good times. When they can't make it, don't let it get you discouraged. Just keep dialing until you reach one of your friends who needs your company. You can be the comfort to someone who is hurting.
Is there another activity you've found that you like? Do you play Scrabble? There are Scrabble clubs everywhere. Bowling? Tennis? Maybe you can find new friends through a safe shared activity.
Also, I have found that the best way to feel better when I'm feeling down is to simply thank God for all the good things I am experiencing right at the moment. I might say, "Thank You, Lord, for this comfortable chair, for the beautiful breezes that are blowing, for sunshine......etc." It cheers me up quickly as I realize all the good things I still have going on in my life.
I hope it helps you.

I am the author of the original post and nothing much has changed....except maybe that I am just beginning to decide to turn the page, proof that there is no timeline. I guess we take however long we need to get there. Please don't give up on yourself. It will happen for you, and you're not alone.

In October it will be ten years since my husband died. There are times when my heart just aches for him even though life has gone on and I am surviving. I suppose at a point I thought I would eventually meet another special guy to share love with, fill the unfillable void, but no one even close. It is that loneliness that is haunting and also restricting as my heart isn't really open because it is still so much in love with my husband. It would have to be someone very great. Those many years ago I came here looking for support, how very fast those years went by, at the time they seemed to drag on by minutes. Though we still carry that sorrow in our hearts we have no choice to go on through each day. We then have to make a choice if we want to live our life or allow our sorrow to take any joy from us. Death happens, it is final, there are no do overs and nothing we can do to change what has happened. Telling that to our broken heart is difficult, allow those moments of sorrow, tears and then take a deep breath and forge ahead. We have made it this far...God Bless you and give you strength and guidance.

♥️