I understand what you are saying, so maybe a dating group is not what you need to be looking for. Perhaps a club or class, or group of some kind, where the purpose of the group is a common interest or hobby and you would not need a partner to participate. That way you would meet a variety of people who share that interest, and form new friendships. Someone on this site has recommended a site called meet-up.com as a place to find some local groups. Good luck. laurabp

I miss someone to be comfortable with. I am not ready for intimacies but it would be nice to have someone to share some time with and feel special to....at least that is what I think. If it happened I might find out that I was only trying to stuff the void, it is too soon but lonliness makes you wonder. Being lonely is one of the most difficult parts of this process.

I did met someone from my area on plentyoffish, not sure how this will work out but I know he takes the loneliness out of my life when I am with him. I've enjoyed being with him as well.
other times It makes me miss my husband even more so..

was not planning on this to turn out the way it has, for I was going to go and met up and show my dd and myself that I was not ready for this, I knew I wasn't but she felt it would be good for me. LOL, well it backfire in my face. I found out I was ready to have that male companion.

it feels good to have that male companion which shocked me big time,

all I can say it try it and see what happens.
I still miss my hubby and always will.

I fear now that this guy may not be up and up with me, which makes me nervous yet I enjoy the companion. so it mixed emotions...

I've been seeing a guy for a little over a month. We met accidently on face book. I thought I knew his sister and sent him a friend request, but it turned out he didn't have a sister. I didn't find that out until we went to lunch and by that time we had hit it off great. What can I say? Dumb luck? Devine Intervention? Who knows, but he's a great guy and we are both happy.

At the time I didn't think I was ready, but I sure knew I was lonely. He was lonely too, but didn't think he was ready either. Apparently we both were ready. Good luck. :) Sharon

Faith: I was one of the members who suggested using he "meetup" web site. I live not too far from you ...Phoenixville ... and the last time I looked there were over 900 groups within 25 miles of me. I just looked at Allentown and there are about 170 within 25 miles of you.

If you have not read my two journal entries they will help you to understand where I am coming from. I have been very lucky in that I have met an incredible widow here on Ds ... not exactly from the Philadelphia area ... she is from South Africa ... so we have been "long distance dating and we are planning to get married later this year. I am in Johannesburg now for a short visit.

If you read my journal entries you will see that I think it is great that you are "open" to meeting someone. That is a very big first step and with that attitude I am sure everything will work out for you. You are still very young and you have a lot to look forward to. Just stay open and be patient.

Hugs ... Tom

I appreciate all of your comments. I am actually a distance from Philly and I can't drive. I have arthuritis in my back and knees. I can get around, but can't drive.

I don't know I am so confused right now., I just wish I could get my husband back

thanks for all your help

Hi there. I would also like to try and find a companion. I have just started online dating but so far I seem to attract weirdos. The other problem is where I live - I know just about everyone in this town so I am trying to find someone from South Africa or 'anywhere in the world' but I think they see where my home town is and don't even bother to try and contact me. Some people on this site have had good luck with online dating though.. maybe you should try it :-)

I have tried the dating web sites and didn't have much luck.. I just took a look at meet up .com and I am investigating it. But honestly the best thing for me so far has been to deepen my relationship with God and not worry about it. God has been better than a husband at providing, He listens very well and He has taught me many things in the 3 years since my husband has passed away. I am quite content to wait on God to provide a new husband. Unlike many of you my first marriage was not the greatest so I am looking forward to my second one being outstanding because it's going to be God's choice for me not mine. Given an opportunity I will mess things up every time. Don't get me wrong, I loved my husband and I miss him deeply but like everyone else I long to have a new spouse to share things with and to love. God has promised me a new husband and I am believeing it will happen.

I just read the reply from myhopeisinhim and wanted to say what a beautiful and wise response.
As much as I understand and experience the emptiness and pain - for any of us generally [and I am speculating,not specifically refering to parchergirl or anyone else here] trying to find someone to fill that gap sounds like it could be a mission fraught with disaster - especially if it was too soon and you still had unresolved issues with your loss and hadn't worked through your grief enough [ whenever that is???] or given it enough time to properly discover, without your loved one and after facing and going through their loss in our lives and all that represented who we now are and who we can be without them and on our own.
Until we are ok on our own aren't we unlikely to be able to create a healthy relationship? if we accelerate the process is it not a liklihood to end with even more pain?
We are all vulnerable and I hope we each find ways to make wise choices and find peace and contentment in our lives.

Everyone has their own internal clock; listen to yours: A rule of thumb is 2-3 months passing for each year married/committed before entering a "ready for whatever" new relationship.

DO NOT get ahead of yourself. Neither, put off relationships with which you are comfortable for the sake of protocol. Success is no more certain now than originally. Reflect. DO NOT SETTLE for the sake of convenience.

Perhaps key is that you must take some initiative by creating opportunities to engage others on terms with which you are comfortable -- from Church on Sunday (if you're so inclined) to online dating, as your internal clock dictates. Create situations that let you explore your many facets (some may be heretofore new). Don't limit your opportunities, make them.

I moderate one of the largest on-line dating sites. While I don't suggest you forgo them entirely, you're much more apt to meet someone for whom you're looking (at whatever level) in person through chance or people you know, than on-line.

Nothing worthwhile comes without effort. Put yourself out there, network with friends in real life, and move at a pace to your comfort level. Just keep making the effort with which you're able.

Luck!

I was with my husband for 30 years. I don't think the 2-3 months/year formula is remotely correct. That would put me on hold for 7.5 years! Glad I never heard that one before!

But back to the original post... You might want to consider doing some kind of volunteer work, even if it's just an hour or two a week or every other week. It would help you make new contacts and broaden your social circle. If there is an organization or cause you feel supportive of, start with that. Having a common purpose is a good ice-breaker and should help you make new friends.

Hope this helps. Love and Hugs, Martha

In my opinion lonliness is one the worst feelings to have other than physical pain. The need for a companion is normal but finding the particular companion for you and what your looking for is the challenge, pretty much like your average relationship seeker. But we need a companion that actually understands and can accept where you are emotionally and have the patients to allow you to work through this, whether it is some alone time and/or someone to share and spend time with by talking, going out or even travel. Yes I know it is easier said than done but it is worth the effort because regardless of your situation no one deserves to be alone or feeling lonely if you can help it. I'm just asking that you at try to do something about it rather than sit and wait until it falls in your lap. Yes there are risks but in any relationship there is a risk, but you know what you want and what you are willing to except from a potential companion.
Good luck and don't give up on your life because you are here for a reason (smile).

I lost my wife of 21 years in May of 2008 after a 2 month illness ..her breast cancer came back unbelivleably fast... During June/July and August I was in a daze .. doing things I simply needed to do.. spending time with family and friends.. My biggest fear had always been lonleyness.. I kept telling myself.. Just get to 2009.. just let time pass.. go to work.. spend times with friends.. ( we had no childern and my family is on the east coast .. while I am on the west coast).. but on 1 weekend in early September the lonleyness just started to overwhelm me.. I am not strong enough to live alone I guess.. Soo I used E-Harmony.. I spent over 3 hours carefully answering the LONNNG list of questions.. being as honest as I could.. Soon after that I started to meet a few women.. I found most of the ones I met to be very nice and allowed me to have an out let to go to dinner/movies etc.. by January I found some one special.. I highly recommend it.. We are not ment to live alone.. and as the song says .. Life goes on.. long after the thrill of living has gone...

I am in the same place as you. I want to have a companion, but I don't think i am ready to sleep with someone or move in, and start something serious. I just started looking at the online dating as an option, but I have so much anxiety about putting myself out there and I have had so many mixed emotions about it, like guilt that I can even think of another man in that way.

The good thing about online dating is that you go at your own pace. You can email people first for awhile, then talk on the phone, then meet them, all when you feel you are ready, and you can say no if you aren't ready.

I don't know if I am truly ready to go ahead and meet anyone yet, but I think I will give it a shot, because I really don't have anything to lose.

I am also a bit worried about how they will react when they know I am a widow and still wear my wedding ring? But I agree with SamPatrock, that we are not meant to live alone...

I wish you the best and hope it works out the way you would like it to.

I personally don't agree that we aren't meant to live alone. Plenty of widows/widowers live alone and live a fulfilled life. I believe it is a personal issue. Some people can live alone and others cannot. I have never lived alone, so this is a first for me. It is something I want to do. Make my own decisions, do what I want when I want and how I want. I have always prided myself on independence, and don't feel that we need a companion of the opposite sex to fulfill our lives. I lost the best part of my life, 38 years of it. For me, there is not a desire to have a companion. I find joy, fun and fulfillment in good female friends. There is and will always be, too much love in my heart for my spouse to share with anyone else. But, that's me.

Good luck on your venture.