In olden days when a loved one passed people wore black for a year. I want to pin a big black W on me. A sign that I am mouring the most important man in my life. My past, my future, my spouse, my soul mate taken too soon. I want people to know that if they ask me how I am I will burst into tears. If I don't get upset by your trivial bullshit it's because you don't have a problem. Death is permanent. Do not tell me you understand unless you have walked or crawled this journey. Excuse me if I don't respond in a manner you expect, it is NOT me it is my grief. Do not tell me I will get over it, or I should be over it. I will never get over losing him, nor do I want to. I want to talk to you about my husband. Yes this may make you uncomfortable, but he was mine and the better half of me. He was not perfect, nor am I. So if you can't deal with me through all of this, then do us both a favor and bough out! These past several years of watching his illness take him from me bit by bit have left severe battle scars. I have aged beyond belief, the smile is gone, the joy is gone, the peace is gone. I have gained so many wrinkles and grey hair and I have serious bags under my eyes from lack of sleep and crying. But damnit I am proud of these battle scars. I earned every one of them. At fifty nine, I have been there, done that and have all the t-shirts. If you truly love and care for me, you will stand by me as I progress into the future without him. I begged to go with him, but was left behind. So now it is my mission to honor him, to let those beautiful little grand daughters know what a great man, husband, father and grandpa he was so they never forget. So, yes I have earned another t-shirt with a big black W on it. And if you can't deal with this journey I am on, then you truly don't love or care for me so don't waste my time. I will never get it back. Hugs and love to all or you walking beside me. Michele