Yes I am too having breakdowns every day. You are not alone.for I too miss his physical touch. I was told to take each day slowly and that has helped a lot. The yearning will never pass though - I hug his pillow every night. Hope your day is ok. Carol

Oh Bailey, I know exactly how you feel. Like you we were also very affectionate towards each other. Always said I love you everyday.
I miss hearing that. I miss him so much. A big Void that will never
be filled.


Take care JoAnn

I miss my husband too. last night I dreamed he was in bed with me, being affectionate, but of course I woke up alone.
a physical dream is hell to wake up from.
I'm sorry for your loneliness too, Bailey.

Though they are not a proper substitute .... I am sending virtual HUGS to you, and I know what you mean. I miss holding his hand and kissing him when I came home from work each day. I too hug his pillow at night.

I understand those feelings of aloneness. The empty space that they held in our hearts and lives. You are not alone now, but part of a group that knows personally how you feel. I'm sorry for your loss and welcome you to be here with us. Sharon

so dad, yes I cuddle up with his pillow at night too. In fact I have other of pillows on his side of the bed. I know it's crazy but it .Akers the bed feel less empty. I treasure my sleep because i often dream of my darlin'. They are dreams of parting or impending parting. I always feel sad and dreading the separation that is coming, but love the "just before he leaves" part. We always are hugging and reassuring each other that the separation will only be a while. When I wake up I need to cling to that thought, "it will only be a while".

I'm sorry, #/&&/ auto correct! I meant ssdad. Not so dad.

More hugs to you ... And comforting pillows and dreams.

It sure doesn't take much to reduce me to tears lately either. It's not the big things I miss so much as just the need to touch, hold, hear or just know he is here or will be soon. You are not whining Bailey, you are grieving and we all understand. Hugs and Love to all, Michele

It is funny but for some ungodly reason several months later, I am having a pity day..they stopped for a while to start all over again. I so much just standing and being by his side, the hand holding, the peck on the cheek,,,,did I take this for granted?? I sometimes keep myself so busy by creating jobs and running around just to exhaust myself, then I hit a wall like today...

I recently had a song take me to tears, It was a song that I played at my husbands memorial. Silver Wings by Merle Haggard. It really hit me like a ton of bricks because I was at a bar singing karaoke and never in a million years did I ever think I would hear that song again. It's comming on 3 months of Kennon's passing. I'm starting up again that I cry alot everyday. I'm trying to be strong for my mom because she lost her husband the day before my husband passed. People has told me that the emotions come in waves. Because I had to help my mom plan my dads memorial and I had to plan my husbands memorial I think I pushed down the grief for awhile. I moved her to texas from Chicago, so selling house and all the things in it. Still having to do paperwork and stuff is really making me sad and crying. We all have each other here to vent and to rely on for support. we will get through this. hugs, Donna

I'm so sorry for your loss donnalove. Your grief must be compounded with the loss of your mother's husband and helping her. I hope you are a comfort to each other.

Yesterday was filled with a cold, stark loneliness. I craved his presence and touch all day. I just couldn't settle down to anything. Strangely, today I have felt his love around me. I ws a letter to complete several projects that gave me such a sense of satisfaction. I talked to my sweet husband while I worked. It was so good, I sometimes felt we were working together. A glimmer of peace.

BaileyOlson, Glad you had a better day. We were very affectionate also. A kiss or a hug and still held hands. I still sleep with his shirt, blanket, and some of his ashes just to touch him or feel that he is with and next to me at night. I know he is around me somewhere and missing me too. I am able to break down and weep and recover okay at home but also hate this day to day life but then feel that he is here somehow or someway. I know I'm not crazy. Something that is hard for me is shopping. I just went grocery shopping and saw the Golden Oreos he loved to get, I broke down, fell apart and people were looking at me like I was crazy or Bigfoot. I hence left without groceries. On my way home, my tears turned off, and started smiling about something he did when grocery shopping. I need to drive quite a distance to shop so hoping next attempt will go better which it will. Feel sorry for yourself, we all do, but take care of yourself.

Wanted to check in again with a suggestion. Writing Don letters about how much I missed him was a huge help for me to almost be talking to him. You may want to try it. Sharon

I have been blessed with a couple of "good" days. I've actually felt amazing peace and a.calmness. I still miss my sweet husband every minute but was experiencing motivation. As I accomplished tasks that had been to monumental to even start before, I felt his approval and encouragement. It brought a smile as I could hear in my mind the "You work too hard. Dear" and "You should have waited for me to help you". I know that this is a roller coaster of emotions we are on and after these few days of smooth going a plunge of breath stopping pain can happen at any time. Right now I'm just reveling in the peaceful . calmness.