My husband has been gone for 6 months, but he was ill for 8 years prior to this. Last night I had a dream that I could have him back for 1 day, I woke up thinking about that, and I am not sure if I would, I have come a long way in 6 months and am not sure I could go through this again. There is nothing wrong with feeling attracted to this man, I am at the same point you are, and I know how you feel. Someone to hold your hand, care what you have to say, maybe go out to dinner, and just be a friend. If I could find someone who just wanted to be there for me, I would take it in a minute, I can not believe how lonely it is. Ask yourself, did I do the best I could for my husband, did he know I loved him, if you can say yes to both of these questions, I think you have deserved to go forward. Feel no guilt, you did your job. God just decided to take him.

Hi Sylvia,
I don't know how long you have been a widow, but all of that time you were caring for him while you were sick is all part of it too. He's at peace now, but you're still here to go on with your life. Your husband probably doesn't want you to be miserable and lonely for the rest of your life and there is nothing wrong with having a companion as long as he's there to support you.
Take your time, continue to build yourself up. You need to be strong and not fall into any traps that could set you back. This man might be the nicest guy in the world right now, but you're not ready for that yet. You must re-assemble you first, once you have done that I believe that everything else will fall into place beautifully.
Take your time.
Hugs,
Sebastian

Sylvia, heed my words as I have walked in your shoes.... believe me...in more ways than one. My husband was sick for a very long time as well and I was his caregiver. Just like you I've never regretted it for a minute and would do it all over again if need be. The love between us was immense but his life ended and I'm still here.
I never thought that there would ever be room for someone else in my life. I just couldn't imagine it. But then one night about seven months out I thought to myself, I do miss the physical affection, mental stimulation and just plain old companionship of a man. I kind of shocked myself when I thought that and just put it aside....out of my mind. Seriously, how could I even think that! I put that to rest and just went on living day to day and trying to rebuild myself and my life without him. You really need to be in tune with yourself and frankly in love with yourself to be able to entertain the thought of loving once again.
Then one day I started chatting with a man that I actually met on this forum. I had noticed him prior to that and always liked what he had to say. In our first communications we just talked about normal things and not grief. That actually felt so good...it felt like I was getting back into the world again of normalcy if that was possible. There were no thoughts of "hooking up" or anything romantic. However, a beautiful friendship was blooming and that honestly felt so good. Fast forward sixteen months from that first message and I find myself in the most beautiful, romantic, fulfilling and fun relationship! The strong love that I had with Ira had prepared me for the love and life I now have with John. Was I looking for it? No way...but it found me.... and I let it....we got to know each other slow and steady. I allowed my eyes and my heart to be open enough to love again. I know in my heart that our dearly departed spouses would have wanted this and feel that they have been a big part in it all happening. There are too many signs and coincidences to deny that.
So Sylvia, don't dismiss a friendship because you feel it may be too early, or you feel guilty. Your husband lived the rest of his life with you but you still have your life to live.... so do just that, live it..... Just remember, slow and steady wins the race. It also builds a wonderful strong foundation that two people can base life and love on. Developing a friendship with lots of communication helps you to get to know the other person's qualities...good or bad. As you say, "feeling hungry to be a woman again" can sway your emotions, so keep your eyes and ears open to all aspects of any new proposals that might come your way. People in our shoes can be very vulnerable and accepting so always be cautious but in the same sense....be open to new adventures. A thought I like to keep in mind is, "getting through a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward".
Kudos to you for getting out there on that path… in more ways than one...
Big hugs!
Darcie

Sylvia, I haven't experienced the episode like yours so I'm not speaking from the same position. But I'm thinking you could give him a chance to be your friend with no immediate expectations. I say that so there is no regret in the future and you can judge him on his merit. However, if you are emotionally vulnerable and dependent on someone to make you feel good then it is not a good time to be involved. There is tremendous strength in you from the way you wrote. Love, I feel, has a lot to do with timing and should not feel like a drag and fight. Ultimately the decision is yours and you should not let anyone tells you what to do. Good luck.

Hi Sylvia,
I agree. You do need to be very careful. I'm approaching 2 years since my wife's death, and I have had great difficulty in distinguishing between love and lust. Many times over, I have fallen in love (at least that's what I thought it was at the time). And it is quick, usually by the 2nd date. But it wasn't love, because when the inevitable splits have occurred, I'm pretty much unscathed and just find another love interest and the cycle repeated itself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a bed hopper. I have seriously been searching for a woman to spend the rest of my life with. But what I've been experiencing is lust, not love. I have all this love bottled up in me and it just comes rushing out without any type of control. All or nothing. I don't seem to be able to take relationships slow. Tomorrow, I'll be 3 weeks into a new relationship with a very nice lady that lives 3 blocks away in my neighborhood. The good news is that I talk about all this with her, and she listens. I think we are good for each other, and certainly make a compatible couple. The one thing I've learned is that I have to give this relationship a boat load of time before making plans, changes or any type of commitment. You see, at a little over a year I met who I thought was a wonderful woman that lived about 2 hours drive away. On the 2nd date, I asked her to marry me. Two weeks later, we were married. In another 2 weeks, she had quit her job, got a job here, and moved in with me. She was a different person (literally) from the woman I thought I had fallen in love with. She spent 8 days screaming at me in anger day and night without taking a breath. On the 8th day, she demanded a settlement, and threatened to kill me. That was last September. I reel to this day in disbelief that I could have made such a poor judgment call. I have always been able to rely on my good judgment, but when it comes to love, I fail miserably. I've come to blame it on a lonely heart. And to protect myself from me, I have delayed commencing a divorce action from the psycho woman to keep myself from making the same mistake again. And I think I have fallen in love with 3 different women during my procrastination period. I'm an attorney, and I know the ramifications and importance of getting the divorce behind me. For me, I thought myself over my grief, but that is far from the truth. I seem to be doing well, but in reality, I'm still struggling to adjust to a life I never considered without my true love of 30 years by my side. I've said it before, Beware the lonely heart. That all being said, I move forward and live my life now in the moment. And I have fun. Give it time Sylvia. And if you are anything like me, you will eventually find a level of passion you didn't know possible. But that is not love, and what I've been searching for is what I had in my "happy bubble". But that can never be repeated because love and relationship is absolutely unique to the 2 people involved. And my true love is gone and will not be returning this side of glory. So I've come to realize that I can't pick up where I left off. I am simply rebuilding from the ashes of a life that was and shall never be again. And that is a huge realization for me. ~~~ Scottie