Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It's been 8 weeks ago yesterday. And it still feels like yesterday. I want the Pain to End. I still can't sleep. And have no desire to eat. Everywhere I look everything I touch every song I hear every show on TV I see every scent I smell reminds me of him. I can't even take out a pot or pan because it reminds me of the day I made our last dinner together the night before this nightmare happened. I was always the person that everyone came to with their problems and I was supposed to solve everything and save the world. Now I don't even know how to save myself. I cry every day. I'm alone almost everyday. I don't know how to get through this. I never thought I would be joining a group online. I don't even do Facebook. I actually went to a bereavement group 3 weeks after my husband passed. It was either not the thing for me or I went too soon. So, I gave it another try last week. And I found its still not for me. There is more doom and gloom than I care to be a part of. When I'm home I don't want to leave the house. When I leave the house I don't want to come home. the home I am in now my husband and I totally rebuilt . my husband made a statement 4 years ago that he wanted to rebuild another home before he died. He loved to build. And that's pretty much what killed him. The morning that he had his heart attack he was building a platform for our generator. He finished came inside and just collapsed. He knew all the trades. So every piece of this house was taken apart and put back together again by him and I. And it's still not done. It's hard for me to sit in this house and look at everything that he did. I should be happy and grateful that I had a man that knew as much as he did. and I should be happy and grateful for the time that we had together . But I feel like I'm dying without him. I can't get rid of the guilt that I feel. I should have been outside to help him as I usually did. But I didn't even know what he was doing or that he was outside . Maybe it would not have happened. And then I'm also angry at him because he had so many health conditions that he should not have been doing what he was doing. So he died doing what he loved to do. when I found him on the floor he was still breathing as I proceed to call 911 and speak to them. I told the 911 operator my husband collapsed. He actually heard me and the last words out of his mouth was... "I didn't collapse" . It's haunting me . I can't get it out of my head . He died the day before our anniversary . It would have been 31 years . The irony of this whole thing is. It was 27 years ago to the day when he collapsed and ended up with a quadruple bypass . Debra
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Old Hillbilly Wisdom:Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.The best sermons are lived, not preached.If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the...
In the early days and weeks, there are a lot of 'why?' questions. They will drive you crazy. You feel like you're just running the same things through your head over and over and over. Try to put the why questions aside for now at least. They are not helpful and you won't get any answers.
Cliff died of an unexpected heart attack two weeks after our 30th anniversary together. He died in my arms. I understand the shock and the horror of it all, and the questions you run over and over again. I finally wrote everything that happened down in detail in a notebook. It was hard to do that, and I cried a lot doing it, but once I finished writing it all down, I was able to close the notebook and tell myself that it was all safe in the notebook if I needed it. I didn't need to keep running it in my head. That stopped me playing the death scenario like an endless tape loop. You could try that and see if it helps. Just a thought...
Wishing you better and brighter days...
Love and Hugs,
Martha
Now is the time to really take care of yourself. Not eating, trouble with getting rest or sleeping, and racing, active, sad thoughts and hurtful feelings of dark gloom throughout the day are all warning signs that medical intervention may be necessary for you to get started on feeling better and stronger. A good therapist can reasonably guide you and it really should be professionally determined how these symptoms of grief are agitating you right now. This has only been a short course of time for you; yet the weeks are overbearing to your mind and emotions. And then in most cases of loss of a powerful loved one, the stress is very strong and out of control. And given that this news you share is fast becoming a matter of ritual, with not supplying your body with the proper rest and nutrients, then all this has consequences, and the result is further symptoms will be added, and likely reach a peak of breakdown, which we don't want that this should happen to you. Right? Yes. I understand that you reserve the right to do what you feel is best. However, due to what you describe here, it may be a better idea to speak with your primary care doctor, and I imagine that this person will make certain that you are getting the proper treatments associated with grief depression. This does require immediate attention. Too much is threatening to your good health, and I want that you heal sufficiently. Be blessed. I pray for you.
More love to you and many warm hugs.
Ups and downs. I joined a women’s support group from furneral hime. I didn’t like it at first but kept trying. I now can say I like going. Everyone understand each other .
Give yourself time. Try another group. Hugs, miss my husband more and more, we all r in this together.
It took time but I was able to carve out a good life for myself as I gained strength. I knew my children were grieving also along with worrying about me. I needed them to see that I would be alright. That first year was difficult. but I did all I could to be busy. I volunteered at Ronald McDonald House,
I worked part time and would find myself hiding in the back of the shop when I needed to cry.
Eventually I reached a place where I accepted his death and I was able to adjust.
Please know everything you are feeling is normal. All of us here have had a loss and are here for you. Eventually, you will start to heal. It just takes time. Every one who has been through it will tell you that. Do the best you can to take care of yourself. Don't give up on attending a bereavement group. Perhaps something you say can help someone else. Keep visiting here. This is a wonderful group. My thoughts are with you for strength and Peace. Love and Hugs, Dolores
Yes the darkness is a hard place to be at times and also a good place, but you got to remember that it is a place to collect your ideas and thoughts, but I can imagine how you feel and what you miss, but I saw my wife die in front of me and she battled hard from Cancer, it was sadness and relief all at the same time. I have accepted it and I know she would want me to move forward and always remember her in my own way and not what others say. You do what you need and do it in your own time. don't let others tell you how to grieve, but listen to the ladies and gentlemen her, as they have been on this wild rollercoaster ride and many have moved out of the darkness and are following the light.
Mal