I must say, at only 7 weeks post the loss of your wife, you sound pretty damn strong to me!! It's great that you're starting to want to live. It seems we've all had that "I don't want to live without" him/her feeling. Getting past that is huge.
I'm barely a few weeks further along than you in my grief process, and it sounds like you're moving forward better than I, so I'm not sure I can offer much but to say WAY TO BE! You've got this!

Tank, you are still in the fog. It is an innate defense mechanism we are wired with because our minds can't handle the pain nor compehend what the hell is happening to us. At about 3 months, that's when my fog began to lift, and when my real nosedive began. And that's about the time I stumbled into here. Saved my life, really. Gave me a way to write my heart and that was how I healed. There is a old rock song, REO I think, You ain't seen nothing yet. You are where you need to be, and as others help you, you will help them. Not a one of us are alone in this and no one can understand but those of us that share this commonality called grief. The old me would have been the first to say, Just get over it. Ignorance is simply a lack of knowledge. And I was ignorant. Now, Im just a dumb ass! Remember to take care of yourself. Grieving is hard work. Drink lots of water, try to sleep as much as you can, and remember to eat. ~~~ Scottie

When we finally do meet that special someone we all say..."That's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with."

Well guess what...unless we die together in a car accident,plane crash or whatever...one of us is going to be wrong. The person left behind had no idea what we should have said was..."That's the person I want to spend the rest of their life with." Who knew?

I myself just try to keep the memories and good times in my head. I'm of the belief I will see her again when my turn comes. For now I keep coming back to the saying.."Grief is the price we pay for love."

P.S. to Scottito... the band your thinking of is B.T.O. ☺

Hi, Tank..Glad to hear you're making progress, I know it hurts and but like I said you just have to give this grief journey time..I think the hardest thing for me was accepting the fact that Dennis, isn't coming down for coffee in the morning, I was usually up before him..We would talk about what we wanted to fix for dinner or what projects around the house we were going to take on..or what the kids and grand kids were up too..How beautiful the mountains looked that day, that we can see from our deck..and watching the people and kids at the Park in our backyard...
But, sometime we would find ourselves arguing over silly, don't really matter things..then we would burst out laughing at ourselves..guess that's what happens when you're together 24/7..;-)
That's one of the many things I miss about Dennis, his great sense of humor and beautiful smile.
It's regret, I think that really is the worst kind of pain, Yeah guilt is bad and sadness is bad, but regret is the sickly combination of both...I miss the simple everyday life we shared..
We weren't perfect but we were perfect for each other...
How's your book coming Tank? Teresa Caputo, the Long Island medium has a new book out..
called..."Good Grief"..I'm going to see if I can find it this weekend..Stories of peoples journey's through grieve and how our loved ones help us from the other side..Have you had any signs from your wife? What's her name? I like using Dennis's name when talking to people..I don't like it when people say are you over it yet..He wasn't an it, he was Dennis and I miss Dennis everyday..

Take care Tank, and Have a good cry wash out your heart, if you keep the grieve inside it will tear you apart...

"The truth is unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation,unless you realize the situation is over, you can not move forward"..Steve Maraboli..

Give yourself time, it's little steps...
We each need the time & space, unique to our own needs

Another Valentine's Day ALONE, I hear you, I felt it also
A lady who was already a widow suggested to schedule something for days that held significance for me.
I've been walking the mall during these winter months, try to stay busy.
Keep reaching out, it's beneficial to talk with others who have experienced our loss/pain.
Blessings
jdp

Hi tank commander same as you but nearly 4months now still bloody hard but day by day I can stay in all day alone, and not freak out about where ed is, my girls are great but have to come home sometime as it is our house we made for each other, and this site is great when you get the hang of it, and yes people start telling me there problems realy I could not give a Im trying to deal with mine first, there now this what telling me there is going to make it easier or something, plus the friends that said there'd be there realy haven't heard jack. From them, after all these years, and when there do finally ring I just say thanks a lot for being there, soon now who is and not, trying hard to get of sleepers not easy, as doc said cannot stay on them to long, will do my best for ed she wouldn't won't me like this, so this is the best tonic just letting it out on here good luck to you mick.

Its going on a year for me since my husband passed. Unbelievable,,am not sure what i have been doing as there is still lots of fog. Have decided to try and give myself a time line. In 6 months i will be doing this or that but am not stressing anymore about it either. Things will get done when they do get done. Enjoy the "small" things like the birds singing or the sun is shining . I walk on this path usually and talk to the trees...and it made me remember all the things i still have. What if i do not have them next year? Trying to be grateful helps me and then i breathe. Many Hugs and rays of light i am sending to you :) Know your not alone !! (Hugs)

I want to thank all of you for your kind words and help. My recovery has it's ups and downs, but my wife Samantha took three years to finally pass. I walked away from a great job and income to be her caregiver and I have to say that the last six months grew harder nearly everyday. The only thing that I can feel good about at this point is knowing that she is at peace now. We endured a tremendous amount of pain and suffering while Samantha was still alive. I won't bore you with the failure of our medical system, or my own failings as a caregiver, but now I must try to reconstruct me. I've spent more time with Samanthat than anyone on the planet and without her here I am forced to go forward in my life and try to solve this big puzzle called life.
I selfishly wish she was back and me back in my miserable life, just so I could take care of her again and be her hero. You see? She made me who I was, I've lost myself and I have to find me again. There is no going back, only forward, but I will always honor my wife and come here everyday and see how all of you are doing. That makes me somebody, that makes me feel like a part of something greater and even if I don't reply everyday or post something new for a long time, I'm still here keeping up with everyone.
We need each other, but I need you more. To quote a movie, "You complete me."
I'm out!

Yes I know what you mean I'm doing the same trying to rebuild my life it's what ed would have wanted, we spoke for hours about this, me and our 2 daughters and 5 grandchildren are going on holiday In August it's what ed promise us we would do, it will be good for us, yes we do need each other stay strong mick.