Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
How long do you wear your wedding ring after the death of a spouse? Should I be crying all the time and not able to function? On paper, I should be completely devastated - we were married for 30 years, had dated for 4, raised 2 beautiful girls and built a home just right for us. Behind the scenes, he was on the verge of leaving me for the 4th time (internet girlfriend from Ghana) and was in debt up to his eyeballs. I have moments when I break down, but, overall, I just keep doing what has to be done in his abscence. I worry about others thinking I didn't care. I did care, he had just hurt me so much over the years that there is almost a sense of relief. And the fact he can not make a fool out of himself or me again is almost comfort. Is this part of the grieving process? And how long do you wear the wedding rings after a spouse's death?
I was married twice and both were completely different griefs, One I grieved the loss of love and in love, the other was the memories that took the love.
Hugs of support.
J.
I totally understand about the feeling of relief as I went through that stage of grief as well. Mine wasn't the greatest either and cheated on me 2 months after we had our baby because I hurt him as he said; this was all because I kicked him out for being verbally abusive and almost physically while I was pregnant. I'm in a good place now and my true love and I have found each other again! I haven't told people because yes they'll probably say, "what about ___?" We have a beautiful baby that he'll forever live on in and there's always a special place in my heart for him.
We all grieve in our own ways as there's no right/wrong way. You'll have highs/lows but you'll be okay! Big hugs
You know I do not have any answers. I think just as our marriages were unique, so is our grieving. I had a fantastic marriage and I stopped wearing my wedding rings almost immediately. Partly because I had lost weight and was afraid I'd lose them and partly because I no longer felt married. I physically and spiritually felt Joe leave me as I was trying to get him medical attention. My only advice... and it is very very difficult to do, but try and trust your instincts. Confide in and seek guidance from just a few folks that you really trust. Everyone has an opinion but no one, me included, knows what is right for you. What I do feel confidant in saying is that it will get better... you will survive this, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings,
Lisa
Don't worry about what other people think, they are not in you shoes and no one can understand what you are going through unless they are in your shoes. People will treat you different when you become a widow, that just comes with the territory. People don't know how to deal with death so many just ignore it which means ignoring you. As for your wedding ring, that is totally up to you. Please keep wearing it, some switch hands, some wear around their necks on a chain and some put it away. In my case I pretty much took it off a couple of days after he died, it didn't feel right. I wore it for his memorial service out of respect, then took it off and put it in my jewelry box. I did discuss it with my kids first as they are teenagers but they were OK with whatever choice I made. This is a tough process and there are no short cuts but with time it can be better if you are open to the process. My husband died 6 months ago and I have had to make many decisions, as scary as they are I am starting to feel good that I can make my own decisions. I hold my own destiny now.