Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost the love of my life on October 19,2018. We had been in each other's life for 34 years and married 21. We were 13 when we met. He always looked out for me and I trusted him without fail. I know he had to go. I know he would not have wanted me to take care of him for the rest of his life. He was a good man and he belived a man takes care of his family. He was a great dad. I miss him every day. I still talk to him. I belive in God and angels. I see signs he is with me. I have three children and people say you have to be strong for your children. I say I am strong when I can be and when I cant I am not. There will never be another love like ours. I feel like it was too short and we wasted so much time.
It's apparent that the two of you had a great relationship. I am praying for you even as I write this reply. It seems like we have a similar experience. Two years ago, I lost my wife of twenty-nine years very suddenly to a cancer that we didn't know she had. Regardless of how similar the experience is, everyone grieves differently. I just want to offer support for your comment that when you cannot be strong, you won't. For what it is worth coming from a stranger, I can tell you that I still grieve the loss of my wife deeply; however, I have learned that it is helpful to tell your story, and continue telling it. Looking back, I can see that it was time and expressed grief that allowed me to get on top of things enough to want to enjoy life. I hope you have good support, either way, I suggest that you continue to post on this site, and continue to read the testimonies. it does help.
It's tough parenting and grieving at the same time. You walk a fine line all the time of having to cope to keep things going but needing to grieve in a healthy way, too, so that they know that it's perfectly okay to cry and also to be angry that their Dad is gone. It's like you grieve twice - once for yourself and again for them. It's hard!
If you can, I would encourage you to get counseling for yourself, and if the kids are in school, talk with their guidance counsel and/or school psychologist. My older son and I received grief counseling through my work's Employee Assistance Program and it was free. My younger son received his counseling from the school psychologist and guidance counselor, so it also was free. The other thing is by having the school professionals helping us, they were able to help the teachers to understand what was going on with my son. He was a senior in high school - a crucial, stressful time - and having his teachers understand why somedays he was angry or not functioning well was very helpful for all of us.
I am sorry you need to be here, but I hope it helps. Welcome.
Love and Hugs,
Martha, Community Leader