Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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CindyKay 08/05/2017

I lost my husband on June 3rd. So it's been 2 months now. He had Pancreatic Cancer, diagnosed on Dec 7th, they said plan on 11 months, but it ended up only 6 months. The last week went pretty quickly. We have a small business, so I've been trying to keep that on track to keep everything going and everyone paid. I don't think I've actually accepted the fact that he is gone now. He was my best friend. His boots are still sitting beside the front door. I haven't even opened his wallet yet. When he was diagnosed, he and I decided that chemo would work and he would be the "outlier" so we never really talked about him dying. I guess we were in denial. So I guess I have to accept the fact eventually that he had cancer and was going to die, and then accept the fact the he did die. So unreal. He was a retired Marine so took care of everything. He used to travel a lot, so now, my feeling is most of the time that he'll be home soon. I know he's not coming home, but it feels that way, so I don't want to go into his office and go through his stuff etc. My doggie is sleeping on the bed at night with me now. That would have never happened while my husband was alive. Helps me though. I guess, I am just heartbroken. My heart is broken. I can't cry. Is that normal? I'm just kind of putting one foot in front of the other, and people call and ask me how I'm doing, and I tell them automatically "just fine" or "one step at a time". I don't want to burden anyone on how I am really doing. It's not good, but I do know it will get better with time.

janstar16 08/05/2017

I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer on June 6th. We were together over 40 years. I have good days and bad days. He survived 19 months with the disease, which is unusual. We have 2 kids, which gives me strength. I just joined dailystrength and hope it will help me by trying to help others going through the same thing.

Missmyanne 08/05/2017

Cindy whatever you are feeling now is considered normal. There is no right or wrong on this journey. My Anne was taken from me just over a year ago by sudden cardiac arrest. She was 53. I haven't touched a thing of hers yet. All is as she left it. You do what you need to do for you. Whatever gives you comfort. Those boots can stay there forever if you so choose. The dog can sleep on the bed every damn night if that's what you need. You say your putting one foot in front of the other. That means your moving forward. That's the best we can all ask of ourselves. Good thoughts and best wishes to you.

mypenny2 08/05/2017

Its been three months for me and I am in the same place as you....I want to yell its not true NO...but it sadly is....its hard to believe. My husband had 12 chemo treatments and out of the blue he got pneumonia, infections and septic..it took his life. Your husband got one of the worse types "Pancreatic cancer" My sister in law died from it. Drs. kept telling her she had gastritis...they were so wrong. I hope your husband didn't suffer to much. Its hard to get those images out of my mind and I know you may have had to experienced the same heartbreak. I haven't done much with all my husbands things either. I went out of town and it was sad not to make phone calls home. Sharing your feelings is better than stuffing them inside. God Bless your journey

vwidow 08/05/2017

Yes, many times it seems unreal. They were here and now they're not. God said we would die-- " it is appointed unto man once to die" and yet when it happens it takes us by surprise. We're leveled. .So futile and empty our leftover worlds feel without them. We long, we reach out, we languish and rise up only when we have to. It is a circle of sorrow that seems endless. Our consolation is that it's temporal, though the affliction is always there, a substitute for our companion...

lostmyheart 08/05/2017

Its been 4 months for me and while at times I'm okay, most of the time I'm lonely. He was my best friend...my only good friend and I miss him so much. I have family but no real friends so I have no one to do anything with. I know I need to reach out to people and make friends but I'm 64 and haven't had to do that in a long time. Not sure I can do it. Just take it day by day...try to do things with friends. Try to get out.

mzmazz700 08/05/2017

I lost my husband 9 weeks and 3 days ago to stage 4 lung cancer I had his service and said good bye on our wedding anniversary 23 years married he was my heart and sole. I am having a bit of a hard time with it. We got 2-1\2 years extra from his diagnosis. He fought the whole way. Sometimes days are difficult to say the least.everyone has been great but if I hear one more time one day at a time, I will scream. I know everyone means well but please don't hug me or tell me "I know how you feel" unless you lost your heart no you don't. I have looked for grief support for widows in my area and there aren't any.I am sorry for your loss. I hope these sites help.

FNSG 08/05/2017

I truly am sorry for your loss. I pray that you find peace and comfort during this rough time. I loss my husband on Feb 10th and it doesn't seem real to me either. God won't put more us than we can bare.. and everything happens for a reason.. ((hugs))

CindyKay 08/06/2017

Thank you so much all who responded. My heart goes out to all of you, because I do know how you are feeling. And I do know you know how I am feeling. The "one day at a time" is my response to people, who really don't know what to say and just ask how are you doing. How do you answer that? Kind of weird story, the last two days they told me in ICU that they couldn't do anything more and I should bring hospice in. Blankly, I respond "Hospice"? But we did, and when they took over they were able to get his meds upped, he was finally able to relax, and they moved him pretty quickly to a hospice facility in a private room pretty close to our home. So he was there two nights, I was able to sleep there with him. The weird thing was, when the care workers would need to come in to suction out congestion in his lungs etc., I would walk down the hall to give them space and go to the elevator to go downstairs and walk outside for a few moments. Every single time, I'd pass someone in the hall or in the elevator, and they would say "Hi, how are you?" and I would answer "Just fine, how are you?" and the elevator door would close and in my head I was screaming "..except that my HUSBAND is dying..." and I figure their heads were screaming the exact same thing. It's weird how we will still try to be polite in this situation. Because they were all there in a Hospice facility. They ALL had someone dying. Just weird. But we all mean well.

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