Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I saw a show the other day that got me thinking. In it, one of the characters falls in love and the two decide to marry. It's sci-fi, so at some point the man dies and through an interesting twist, everyone's memory of his existence is erased. As it is happening, you see the woman trying to hold on to his memory even though she knows he's dying. But she can't. He dies and she forgets he ever existed.
Later, you see her going on about her life free of pain. She's not suffering, thinking of all she's lost, because her memory of his existence has been erased. It's as if he'd never been born. No one can remember him, including his parents.
I've seen this same theme in Star Trek, where Kirk loses his lady love. He asked Spock to erase his memory of her so he could get past the pain.
So, for all of you who are suffering. If it were possible, would you rather have your memory erased, and remember nothing of your significant other? Or would you rather remember and live with the pain? I'll put my own twist in by saying that all your children would still exist.
Later, you see her going on about her life free of pain. She's not suffering, thinking of all she's lost, because her memory of his existence has been erased. It's as if he'd never been born. No one can remember him, including his parents.
I've seen this same theme in Star Trek, where Kirk loses his lady love. He asked Spock to erase his memory of her so he could get past the pain.
So, for all of you who are suffering. If it were possible, would you rather have your memory erased, and remember nothing of your significant other? Or would you rather remember and live with the pain? I'll put my own twist in by saying that all your children would still exist.
I would never want my memories of him to be erased. As painful as it is now, I wouldn't trade one MOMENT we shared together!
I'll take the pain....and keep those MEMORIES of LOVE AND LIFE!
What a great post!
Diane
The quote says it all:
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it.
Thanks for such a thought provoking topic .. Hugs, Pam
So, I vote ~~ keep my memories. I agree with "Better to have loved and lost, than, never to have loved at all".
Thinking sci-fi, if we still have our kids -- and forgot about that parent, I wonder how we would explain them!! LOL Especially, the years that we spent with being with that person. Oh, well, sci-fi is after all sci-fi......... ;-)
Thought provoking question.
Hugs, Joely
But, my grandmother was widowed as a fairly young women in the 1930's. She lived until she was 97 and by then, she didn't remember her first husband, my grandfather. My mother was only 19 when he died. I never got a chance to know him.
I say keep the memories even with the pain. Judith
1) Since my past was past, and I already had the good times that help mold me into a person that was a better person for having known him - these would not change you would not go back to the person you were before you met him....
BUT if the pain of the lost was taken away - and you went on - as you have to go on anyway - without the hurt and grief -
There is a good part of me that makes it sound good, and I am not sure about this one. I think I am going to be in the minority but honest leaving the pain, stress and heartache sounds good about now.