Dear Loveddogs, I too had to lie to Art towards the end. He passed away due to cancer and we spent 3 1/2 weeks in the Hospice hospital. I told him I would be okay knowing full well I would not be. He asked me one day who will take care of you. I told him our daughters will and that gave him the peace he needed to let go. I miss him with all my heart and soul, as I am sure we all do. We will be okay, one day. Take it one day at a time!!! Hugs. Sue

I told the same lie to my husband when he was so weak and ill. I knew I wouldn't however knew he would be better knowing I would be okay. He immediately took off for heaven. I have been okay because my Lord and Savior is carrying me.

My sister laid immobile for years. She lingered because my niece would not let her go. As soon as my niece finally left for a much needed vacation, my sister passed away.

As for me, I never had a chance to say good bye to my husband. He passed away overseas. As of this day, it is still hard to realize he is not alive. I thought about how lonely he was all by himself at the hotel room and how cold he would be in storage for weeks waiting to coming home. The way he came him as a cargo. I cry as I am writing this. A lady told me she saw him with me. I told him to pass on to the next world. Don't linger here and I would be fine. I told him I am thankful for all his love and how he took care of me and our daughters. We will always love him. Don't feel guilty, you had the chance to give him comfort at the last moment. I wish I could have that chance.

Silver Fox, I knew I would bring my husband home from the hospital, but at the time I didn't know he would pass. I truly believed once he got home he would start feeling better but it was not to be. We tried home health care with physical therapy etc. And I was so sure "I" could get him to eat more to gain back his strengh. But that was not to be. He tried so hard for me, but just couldn't do it. Even when we had hospice care here I kept thinking he would rally. My mind told me he was dying, but my heart would not believe. Even when he took his last breath, I thought there would be more. So I still cry for him, I cry for me, and I cry for all of you going through this nasty journey. hugs to all, Michele

Loveddogs I also murmured the same words and I knew I would not be okay. The pain of letting them go is tremendous. It was a very selfless act. You were brave enough to set your feelings aside in order to comfort him with your permission to cross over!

Patti, I have read a lot of books since my wife's passing and a lot of the stories of the last moments or hours describe that the loved ones are very agitated, or angry if they are able to express it. I look back on my wife and the hours before her passing I had stayed the night before in her room because she was getting worse and I feared the worst. She was on a ventilator for 27 days and was heavily sedated and couldn't speak. The final morning she was very agitated. She was flailing her arms and trying to pull out her tube and shaking her head from side to side. I tried talking to her but got no answer. I tried to ask her if she wanted us to stop and let her go. She shook her head violently. I also asked her if she wanted to continue treatments and not stop. Same thing, very agitated. I don't think she heard me, but I know she somehow knew it was the end. About 8 hours after that she passed after we removed the tube. I told her is was ok to go and she breathed her last breath. It wasn't something I ever wanted nor expected to have to witness.

Jeff

I understand how you all feel. I did the same.

The feeding tube was removed from my husband on the Saturday and he passed away at 1:03 pm on the following Tuesday. During that time he was given so much morphine. He got very agitated and flinging his arms around and pulling at his catheter. Then Monday he was completely sedated.

It was so strange, on the Tuesday, not knowing he was going to die right then...I sat by his bed and I held his hand and talked to him. I told him that his loved ones were waiting for him and that he should look back on his life on all that he had accomplished and be proud of how many people he had helped during his career. I told him I would be alright and not to worry, and that I loved him and that it was ok to go. I then played a tune on my computer that meant a lot to us "Time to Say Goodbye" Sarah Brightman & Andrew Bocelli.

As soon as that music started playing his strong regular breathing changed to 3 short breaths and he was away. It was so sudden.

I re-live these moments all the time - I can't get it out of my mind. I live with guilt about the fact that he didn't die at home like he wanted to, but at the hospice.

It is so difficult living with the continuous presence of his absence.

SheenaMary, those last 48 hours were the worst. My daughter was here through most of it as my son was. I know we were in shock at the time! I didnt want him to suffer and hospice was wonderful in helping me keep him pain free. I would not have changed having him at home in the end even though there are memories I want to forget. He and I shared some very precious moments, just the two of us. And I know he didn't want to leave, but it will be 8 weeks tomorrow and I still can'[t seem to function. Nothing has meaning anymore without him. Hugs to all of you, Michele

I came home tonight and I feel compelled to share this with you as it fits so well with this post. It is from Daily Meditations and this is the one for June 18. I hope it helps others as it did me. I found this comforting.

"How they went about their business, the dying. They knew we were there. They loved us, wished to spare us pain. Yes, they would miss us. But their eyes were already on another landscape, and we saw them pulling away. Now that they are gone, do we feel abandoned?
No reason to. They love us still. They have reached a destination.

Do we need their permission to let them go? Surely they gave us that in dying.

Perhaps they need our permission to be fully at ease with their departure.

Death is a mystery in which the living are bystanders, but a mystery to be trusted."