Yep, I told my husband the same thing. The hospice nurses told me to let him know that it was okay for him to go.
I told him how much I loved him, and my heart was going with him.
I'm glad I told him. I'm sure it brought him peace and comfort, and he didn't need to fight to stay.
Don't feel guilty, you helped him feel better.

Hugs,
Janie

When Larry was in hospice at home I knew that when the time was near, I would start crying and saying please don't leave. I however had a dear friend give me advice not to say that, otherwise Larry would feel so guilty & linger on. So I also was told by Hospice to tell him, its okay you can go..... and he did.

loveddogs ... don't let it haunt you ...it wasn't a lie, we just didn't want to let them go, but we had too. and like you I miss him so...

However a co-worker (both of us retired) found out 4days ago he has cancer, then his wife fell & hit her hit causing a spinal stroke and she just passed away. They were married 41yrs. He will need a lot of prayers & support, so I will be there for him ..

Maybe it will help to recognize, that is one of many, many things that you said to him. Most of them good, I bet. Maybe just a few glitches here and there. No one is perfect. Think about your whole life with him. Had to be good or you wouldn't feel bad now....As I write that, I think, where did that come from? It's like I'm also talking to myself.

I have come to realize, those same words, which I whispered to my husband, almost a year ago, are so completely unselfish. I have peace with that, you should too.
Hug......Sandra

Love dogs ..honey I know how hard that conversation was,,,we had one of those too and as I think about ours ..really really think about it I believe with every inch of myself that those of us that have to separate in this way that there is that moment that our love ones need to hear the Ill be OK...and when you said it ..you meant it. I am finally doing ok and if the main purpose for me to be doing ok is to help you be ok...then that is my path. Through the entire ordeal of 3 months of hospice my husband and I never talked about what was happening...we just kept going like it wasn't happening and kind of adjusted to the changes...then as his cancer started taking over his brain I saw him slip more and more like a child and tho it was very hard for me to watch I thank god that if our story had to go this way that since he was one of the macho ..tough ..take care of my wife guys that it was the only way our story could go. Right before the end he snapped out of everything and it was like he was himself and said "Am I dying" it was a voice that I knew...he even looked like his old self...as I answered him I told him all the things that I needed ...the I ll be ok ...to this day that moment is one of the most ...I cant find the word for it..but it was something . I remember trying to climb in his bed and he was lifting his head trying to speak....but no words could come out and I spoke for him...I spoke for us.I guess it would be the last time I really would speak for us. He went to sleep ans I think I did too but later that night when it was tme for his nightly cleaning and medicines a routine that me hand my son would do he didn't wake up. That was another one of those unspeakable moments...both my son and I looked at each other ..both being brave for each other and tho the words weren't spoken we both knew it was coming soon. the next morning again he didn't wake up...I was praying my ass off begging god to stop and bring everything back...this was sunday...I called my sister who is a hospice nurse and let her know that he didn't wake up the night before...and suddenly she was over at my house ..she was suppose to be going to a Christmas party and decided not to go...she then tells me she is going to spend the night. Sister then asks me if I want to give him a very nice sponge bath. Now what I am going to say here is real and I apologize if it offends anyone but I need to share it because this is the moment that I knew without a doubt that there really is a passage that he was going through...before he actually left his physical body. Anyway sex was a fun thing for us...and my husband used to always.. tease ..joke... about a threesome with my sister...this was never gonna happen in my life...as we are washing him...he is in that deathlike comma I guess..I start washing his private part...and I say out loud...look honey you are having your 3some. When I said that his eyes popped wide open...My sister looked shocked even being a hospice nurse...but I was happy...I even said you f**ker you! In a very loving way that we knew. Unlike the moment when he spoke clearly I didn't see him in his body but I felt him near enough to make his body pop his eyes wide open. as F-ed up as this sounds that was our final hoohah...and it is the most special one to me and to my heart. He would let the body shut down early the next morning. I don't mean to overtake your post but if you get anything from my message I want you to know so deep down in your heart that tho how hard how horrible you didn't lie when you let him go..words came out of your mouth that now may seem like a lie...but you said it because you loved him that much and its true...you cant feel it right now because its so painful....but one day...when I haven't a clue ..but one day you will....sending another gentle hug

Dear Kimkos,

Thank you so much for sharing such a wonderful thing with me. I would not have changed my decision to bring him home. We did share many wonderful moments that would have been missed had he been hospitalized. He fought so hard for sooo long and had always rallied. And of course hindsight is always 20/20 but as I remember back there were so many signs I guess I just ignored or denied. I know it's too soon to say I am OK. and hope and pray I will be, but for now Nothing is the same. And I want it to be. Hugs to you and bless you, Michele

love.....I think we all told those lies, I did. I promised him it was ok to let go, that I loved him with all of my heart and I would be ok......I am anything but ok. Perhaps in time I will......but he did need to leave me, he was so sick.
I don't regret telling him that, I just wish I could have meant it in my heart.

When my family and I decided to remove my wife's support I whispered to her it was ok for her to let go. She gave a great fight but passed 20 minutes after that. It was the worst decisions I have ever had to make in my life. I miss her everyday. It's been almost 3 years.

All is okay. We have to lie to those we love sometimes, just because we love them. You did NOTHING wrong and have enough to carry without bearing that as well. I can assure you if the situation had been reversed, he would have done exactly the same thing

I told my husband and two years later my mother that they could leave. I felt that I did it as a gift for them, although it hurt me deeply. Looking at it as a release of their pain rather than a loss for me helps me know I did what was right. Sharon

Yup - did the same thing, and I'm not sorry. Joe died 10 minutes after I told him this. I was lying, too, but if that's what it took to bring him peace, well....

I think he gets it now, what it took to say it.

You all showed them tremendous love for them

You didn't lie, grief just changes the definition of okay on a daily basis.

My husband passed away at home as well. The hospice doctor had come and said he needed more care then i could give him at home. That evening as i was giving him a sponge bath he told me it wouldn't be long. All i could say was I know honey. At one am he was so very agitated i rubbed his feet and gave him his pain meds until he fell asleep. When i went back to check on him at 4:30 he was gone. He really wanted to die at home and got his wish. I tried not to lie to him over the course of his illness, but i know i did. Saying i would be okay, His wish not to have a memorial service. We did, but it was more for his family and children. I guess we all told our spouses what they needed to hear. Don't feel bad about it, think of it as our last gift to them. Patti

At the 3rd and final hospital, the doctors held a conference with me and our daughter, and told us my wife was not coming home again, she was in her final decline. They pressed us to sign a DNR because they explained that she was so frail, resuscitation would break bones and cause other severe damage. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. First, I told them I was watching and I would not tolerate any merciful acceleration. They told me (while she was still able to talk) she already told them she wanted all possible measures taken to keep her alive. Satisfied, I signed, with tears.

My daughter and I had to lie to her many times, for years before she became sick. She was suspicious and jealous (sometimes) and would go into tirades about things we did for ourselves that she didn't appreciate. If my daughter bought herself something with the money she earned after school, instead of handing it all over to her mom, she had to say someone gave it to her. They were "white lies" and in the interest of Shalom Beis (peace in the house). We never lied to her about "important" things. One of the values that I shared with my wife was a passion for "truth" so it was difficult to lie sometimes, but often a better choice than triggering a tantrum. She was so like a child sometimes.

In the hospital hospice room I still hoped and prayed for a miracle. We are a family of "Pagan Jews" - meaning we still consider ourselves Jewish and observe the Jewish festivals, but we also learned about Hinduism, Buddhism, Celtic traditions etc. My wife was fond of the Hindu goddess Durga, the creator and destroyer of the world, and we spent time in the shops and temples in Little India in Jersey City talking to the owners and learning. I researched Hindu healing gods, and went to a few shops looking for Lord Dhanvantari, an avatar of Vishnu and healer of the gods. We aren't polytheist, we regard all "gods" as aspects of the divine spirit, like archetypes of a specific concept. One shop told me about Tulsi plant, an Indian form of basil, with healing powers. I bought a plant and made some tea from the leaves, and I gave a little bit to my wife. It didn't hurt her, and it helped with her dry mouth.

On the day she died, I had a notary visit so she could sign Power of Attorney papers (with a Sharpie pen in her mouth) so I could apply for Medicaid for her. After he left, she looked me in the eye and shook her head side to side. She couldn't talk because of the tracheotomy for the respirator machine. Her head was the only part of her body she could move. I don't know if she was telling me she was sorry, or if she was saying she was ready to go, or maybe both. Later that day, she vomited blood. The nurse called the doctor. I held her and told her I love her while John Lennon was playing (we were married on his birthday). The doctor listened to her heart and called the time of death.

Regarding the lottery, well someone usually wins but the odds are unlikely it will be you. For a couple of years while we were homeless, I played every week when I cashed my paycheck. Once I won $47, but when I calculated how much more I already spent, I stopped. My friend Mario played Powerball every week. It's nice to have hopes and dreams about winning, as long as it doesn't cause hardship or addictive or destructive behavior. In a way, it's not really a waste of money if it keeps hopes and dreams alive.