Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
During the day, I get up, go to work, go to Zumba, committee meetings, bereavement support group, volunteer events, whatever. During all these I function like I would normally. When asked how I am doing I say "fine" and can pull it off most of the time. It's when I'm on the drive home i start to realize and remember that things are definitely not normal. By the time I roll in the driveway the tears are rolling down my cheeks. Many times I'll come into the house and sit in the dark, just sobbing, shouting into the air like someone can hear me. I can't talk to friends, even my closest ones, because I feel like I'm making them uncomfortable and their comfort is more important than mine. I've been told I shouldn't worry about others now, but it's just not in my personality to do that. Sometimes I feel it will be ok, but most of the times I don't know how I'll get through the next 40 years alone. I don't want to be alone, I miss being married, but the only person I want to be with is gone. Will I ever come to terms with my situation? As much as I wish I could wake up tomorrow and find out it was all a bad dream, this nightmare is now the reality of my life for the next 40 years. I am glad I have this forum to express myself and not have to worry about being misunderstood, so I thank you for letting me vent and ramble. God Bless all of you and give you strength in your struggles.
I was fortunate enough to be old enough (I was 60 yr. old) and financially able to retire. I tried twice to return to work and then gave up. I thought I would never recover from the loss of my husband of 40 years. We had started dating in high school and he was my first and only love. I look back at this and know how far I have come. I look back and feel I started at minus 0 and am happy to say through taking the advise and encouragement of the people on daily strength, plus hospice group meetings, I have built a life for myself. It takes time, and a lot of soul searching for me to find out who I am once the 'wife' title disappeared.
You will also live again. If I can accomplish a life after grief I know you will be able to. Just don't give up on yourself. Lean on the friends you will learn to cherish here and take it one small step at a time. There truly is a light at the end of the tunnel and if you keep going you can see the light. Sharon
I too live a double life. I find it very hard to talk to people about how I am doing and how I am feeling. Maybe I should not be that way but that is just how I feel. We are all so very different. I think it is alright for you to decide what is good for you but it has to be based on that. If it would help you to talk to others do so. Right now you are the most important one to be considering. I have found DS to be a great place. I can be myself here and others understand, are caring and not judgmental. I have found a lot of wisdom and good advise as well. Sometimes another can take a more objective look at things than I can myself. God bless you too and I hope that you find some peace in the days ahead. Hugs.
I love the twins but they will soon will be leaving me to make their own way in the world. And what am I left with? Nothing much that I can see - so I will have to go looking!