Debbie - My thoughts are with you as you approach two years into a journey no one wishes they had to take. I remember when I first joined DS, your postings carried me through many "melt downs" as I noted that we thought very much alike. I am approaching 20 months (but whose keeping track), and your words describe how I presently live my life. I miss him each and every day -- probably each and every hour of each day; but the point is that I miss my husband just as you miss your's. As I tell people, I will "never get over it"; however, I have "moved on" as I have learned to live with my grief. Will I ever be truly happy --I don't think so; but I do find joy each and every day of my life. I have learned to thank God for the small things that come my way -- true happiness was the life I had with my beloved John. That happiness is gone, and I look forward to our joining each other some day in the hereafter. Bless you and thanks for your heartfelt thoughts and postings. Love, Jude

I too follow your posts, although i am at just short of four months. I bleieve i will still feel as i do in two years, as far as ever wanting anyone else in my life or remarrying. I can only imagine how many times you have heard it (the gettig a new man comments) in two years, as i have heard it several in just my few months. My question is why do people insist on thinking we need a replacement? People are not replacable. I live because God choses for me to. I get up and do every day because i am suppose to not because i want to. I'm just waiting for my call to go where he is, until then i will love and enjoy my family that is left here, then I will someday go to where those before me have gone. This will never be o.k with me. I have to live it, not like it. It is the circle of life, but I will wait for him, to go back in the circle after life. I found my soulmate, no need to look any more.

I couldn't agree more with all three of you. I really live for the day I'll be with James again. Until then I want to be useful in the worl and be grateful for the little things and kind gestures others make. I am 3 and a half months in and I cry everyday, sometimes ffor a while. Having had the man who was all I wanted for more than 20 years I am not motivated to find another. I do want to grow as a persoan and keep an open mind to new activities and opportunities. I appreciate all the three of you said. AMEN!

Debbie, My thoughts & prayers are with you during this extremely difficult time as well. Just like many others here, your posts have always been helpful, honest and most importantly supportive to me. Thank you very much. It is pretty amazing to me how we can travel this path each day and somehow make it out alive to travel it again the next day. For me (I'm at 20 months too), it is the same, I will never get over this, I can only continue to learn of ways to adapt to the dangerous perils that await me on my path. For me, it feels as if every day I am grateful for the things that I have left. Like a man who owned a beautiful yacht...enjoying life with my wonderful, beautiful, loving wife. Then one day there is a terrible hurricane while at sea and I end up washed up on an island....alone, with nothing and knowing that I would never see my wonderful soulmate again on this island. But, I am grateful that I have the resources to continue out into the sea and search....for what??....for some sort of salvation. Life without her is excrutiatingly painful for me, yes, but I keep FAITH. So with my FAITH I put my little boat made of sticks & stones together and go out into the sea every day knowing that the raging storm will tear it apart and I will end up tired and disappointed yet somehow spiritually stronger. Just strong enough to put the boat back together and venture out again...because each day that goes by there is one less island to search out and one day closer to re-uniting with my LOVE. My FAITH tells me that this is what I should do in front of my children's eyes, my Lord's eyes and my wife's eyes, as she has always had the upmost faith in me. This infusion of FAITH will sustain me for every bout with the hurricane until one day Pattie and I are together in True-Love again for all eternity and in the presence of the Lord. Sorry for rambling Debbie. Always know that I am here if you need to vent... Many blessings to you -Sam

Your post sends some peace to those who are still struggling to find it - All of you that are at 20 months + Learning to live w/our grief sounds wonderful to me...I thank you for all your posts of encouragement

I think our friends say what brings THEM comfort and assume that because it comforts them that we must also be comforted. It took me a long time to simply focus on what I knew was best for me and to simply realize that people where giving me the best they knew how. I actually began to withdraw and stay more to myself simply to avoid the comments -- that allowed me to find peace.

I'm like you in that I feel my husband very much in my life. That is my happiness.

Gentle ((hugs)) Patricia

At two years plus in, I feel pretty much the same as I did at the beginning. I am only lonely for the one I lost not lonely in general. I have no desire to be with another and still feel very connected to David. It's funny that a handful of us have said this from the beginning and it hasn't changed. But I also will never say never. Because I don't want to be rigid or stuck in one place. I remain open to what life may bring or that one day my feelings may change. But somehow I doubt it. I live a full, busy life and am generally content. As for the comments of others I just give them a quick smile and change the subject.

At 20 months ...and feeling exactly the same way as many of you posting. I was married to my soul mate for 33 years. I cry for him on a daily basis. Yes, it is better than the first year...but still so much pain. Im not interested in anyone else...and thankfully Ive heard only a few comments about getting remarried or moving on. I get hit on by guys...but I politely shut them down....not interested....just waiting to be reunited with my true love. Thank you for your encouraging posts. Hugs to you as you approach the 2nd year. Debbie :)

I just passed the two year mark and have been doing okay. But two of my good friends have lost their husbands in the last two months and it has set me back a little. I know what they will be facing plus two more of my friends (their husbands) gone. It is the circle of life but somehow we don't think if will happen to us to have to move into this new world called "Widow". I miss my husband everyday but look forward to seeing him again.

I admire those of you at two plus years. I don't know how you did it, but it gives me courage. I also cry everyday. I miss Phil so much it takes my breath away at times.