Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 4 months ago after a 15 month battle with lung cancer. We were married 31 years. Yes, when you lose them to a long illness it does give you a chance to say goodbye but there is something absolutely diabolical about watching your beloved die slowly. I am glad you have found this site although sorry you had to find it and hope you find hope and strength here
Sylvia

I lost my wife a little over a year ago. It was unexpected. I left for work one morning I returned around five hours later and she was gone. There is a part of me that yearns for that chance to have said good bye and then I don't know if I could have made it. Either there is no good way. They are gone no matter. We were together for a little over 21 years. So I completely understand when you say, been together so long you don't know who you are without him. Same here. I'm Linda's husband. I was honored to be called that. We had talked a little over the years about, what if one or the other goes. I know in my heart she would want me to find happiness as I would have wanted the same for her. Easier said than done. But we somehow have to. This second Christmas I still didn't put up a tree. But it's only me and no small children so it had to be hard for you.
There are day when it is better then days I'm right back there that morning again. It truly helps to revisit here and touch base with folks who have been where I am and those who are just starting out. Somehow knowing someone else has gone thru this makes you not feel as alone.
Being a man of faith has helped get me out of some dark places emotionally. Lots of praying and listening.
I know it's hard but you have those gifts from God to take care of. He left them to you knowing they would be cared for. They are lost to. Children are resilient though and often bounce back quicker than we can. Just take each day one at a time. Don't even think about tomorrow. It'll take care of itself. Do what ever you need for you right now. You have to take care of you for your sake and to be able to take care of your children.
Coming here really helps. Come here often.
Take care.
Peace,Tim

Yes and for me its like i am in another place and i lost him or did he lose me? Who really died? I just stop my thinking as much as i can and sit or walk I will probably still be here next year too..I feel as though I am reliving the same day over and over and then i think am i in limbo...or purgatory..but then something will make me smile and it is ok for that moment..then i wonder maybe i am still here alive and he is really not here..it will be 10 months tomorrow for me. (( Hugs))

It'seems been 10 1/2 months for me after losing my wife of 40 years. She had been diagnosed with ALS 4 years ago so we had a long goodbye. I still consider myself married most of the time, trying to separate the me from the we is difficult.

Just like what we would want for them, they want us to carry on and live life. In order to do so, we do need to come to terms with losing them so it may take a while first before the true smiling happens and that's ok. I wanted so bad to honour my husband and do what he asked of me before he passed that I was not going about it the right way. I was portraying being strong and carrying on while becoming someone that isn't me. Bereavement and this place help me figure things out bit by bit and allowed me to figure out who I was.

Figuring out who I am is the way for me to survive . I am no longer part of a couple (which in marriage became a unity) , with my kids in their early 20's, I am still mom but I am not busy raising my kids mom. I may have become single by his lost, but I am not the single girl who looked forward to meeting her true love and built a life and family with her soul mate.

Figuring where I now "fit in" is what I have been working on and what feels like the best way to honour his request. It will be 4 years on January 23rd since losing him and while I have made tremendous progress I know that I am not quite there yet and understand that I may never be quite there yet. I am learning to adapt and to live my life as best as I can understanding that I cannot let the past define me and that I must look towards the future while at the same time not forgetting about today if that makes any sense at all.

This year will be another year of crossroads and choice making. In April I will be putting my house for sale (The mortgage is becoming too much for me to carry on my own and my DD will be going to school for her masters making this house big for just one person) . I have to make a decisions to what I will do while having limitations with what I can or cannot afford. This may even mean leaving the area where I have been living since the early 80's and moving back to where I grew up 1000 miles away... Having to make these kinds of choices is what makes it that much more real of what we have lost.

Sorry for the rambling...