Ana,
Only 3 weeks and please know that is like a minute after losing your loved one. It takes time and lots of it. I just hit the one year mark and was doing okay a few days before as I was expecting my sister to come see me, then the next day after she was gone I was so down and missing my husband so much , it's like the tears just find their way into my eyes and here I go again. And cancer, its the bad memories that seem to stay with you and you can't get it out of your mind. My husband died of cancer too. He had cancer twice. Survived the first time beyond all odds (11 yrs) and the second time... it was too much. And believe me I remember his suffering all too well. I took care of him. He died here at home. No hospital is what I promised him. It was very difficult seeing him suffer and do downhill and you can't do a thing except wish they would someway make it, but doesn't always turn out that way.
Your pain is fresh and you cannot expect to feel better so soon.
Please you can write to me anytime you want. I know how you feel, in fact in this site WE ALL know how you feel. Our loved ones may have all passed away for different reasons but the pain is just that, PAIN. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish it hadn't happened. I wish cancer didn't exist. I wish many things.
You take care of yourself. See your doctor if you feel too depressed and like you cannot go on. My doctor has sure helped me.
Sometimes Ana, it is as though we have tears that will never end and we can cry buckets full.
I wish you a bit of peace and some comfort from those who care about you. I wish your soul some healing.
I wish I had the answers for you but I just know that we have to go through the pain, there is just no way around it when you love someone.
Take care of yourself. I hope you have nice dreams that will make you smile in time.
Goodnight.
Letty

Ana, I am so very sorry for your loss and the pain that it brings. My husband's hospice worker told me in the days following his death that I was where I needed to be. I couldn't understand that for a long time. In time I learned he was right. I have seen many people come here feeling as you are. I was one of them. I send you love and caring and hopefully some comfort in knowing you are not alone. Sharon

Thanks for the kind words MrsLfromTx, it is really not easy at all. When i first met my fiancee i had already been told he was sick but well we can't really fight falling in love with someone and of course there was always the hope he would get better . And despite the fact that we might not have been together, his decease brought us even closer...might have been short but the time we had was priceless . We didn't just shared a luve, a house, the bills...i moved 3000 kms to be with him, left everything to persue happiness and love, and endep up fighting cancer and watch my best friend in the whole world perish. I may only be 22 but feel like i've aged ten years . ever since i'm with him. But like i promised him, i stayed with until the very end and he knew he was loved, i didn't bcked down despite everything.

I wish i could turn back the hands of time but i can't. All i can do is miss him but knowing his suffering and pain are now gone and h can rest in peace.
I too wish you a good night and good dreams.
Goodnight.

too fresh and early to put expectations on yourself!
at this point: BREATHE and repeat.
Only try things with thoughts toward some relief for minutes.
Cry, breathe and rest,.
Your loss is SO fresh. there is no direction book. just try to release emotions at a pace that doesn't kill you with pain.

Ana, I am so sorry for your loss! Three weeks is so soon to expect anything but pain. You are normal. Please come here as often as you want. We all understand this stinking journey and all the emotions connected to it. Just take time for you and don't expect too much of yourself. Try to sleep when you can, cry when you need to and vent away here anytime you feel like it. Hugs and Love to you, Michele

Ana...everyone is so correct on the 3 weeks. For my journey 3 weeks after I lost my husband it was Christmas. As I look back I don't know how I managed to make Christmas dinner but somehow I did. I think in the early weeks we are on auto pilot..in a state of shock. I am so glad tho that you found this place..no one understands our broken hearts like WE do...sending you a very gentle hug and I am so sorry for your loss

I am so sorry for your loss. 3 week is very recent so please be gentle on yourself and don't expect yourself to bounce back quickly. One usually doesn't after the death of a spouse. It hurts for a long time. I just passed the three year anniversary of my wife's suicide and it still feels like yesterday that she was with me.

I know it's hard, but you will get through this. it's always harder in the beginning an then the pain recedes, and although it never fully goes away you will be able to do other things eventually. Give yourself a year to just grieve and be kind to yourself.

Things that I have found have helped me in the aftermath of being widowed are journaling, writing poetry, looking at old photos of our holidays and vacations together, looking at our wedding album, and just remembering all of the happiness and good times we shared and holding onto that instead of just the pain.

I also recommend you get a good therapist, you're going to need one. Therapy is the thing that has helped me the most since my wife died.

Wishing you peace.

Ana, you are describing exactly what most of us go through during the early days and months of losing our loved ones. I was in what I call a zombie fog for the first few months but one day the fog lifted somewhat, not totally but enough to give me some clarity and I was able to think out things without being totally disabled from this devastating thing called grief.
As you will hear over and over things do get better. Unfortunately we must endure the work of grief and things often get worse before they get better. But hang in there, better days are ahead. Best wishes to you. ~Pete