Just shows you how strong love is. God bless you.

Thank you for posting this. I went to church yesterday for Remembrance Sunday, which is the British equivalent of Veterans Day. I was doing fine, remembering my father who was a WW2 vet and whose birthday would have been last week, but then one line in the prayer that was being said reminded me of Cliff and I lost it. Broke down, even after all these years. The line was:

"A life remembered with affection is not a wasted life."

That did it. It didn't help, too, I suppose, that I was the only person there on my own surrounded by couples (my new husband Mark is an atheist).

Later this week will make 8 years that I have been Cliff's widow. I felt stupid, pathetic, embarassed for crying in church after all this time. I am nobody's wallflower, but there I was in tears. I skipped the ceremony at the war memorial and came home a weepy mess, and Mark and I talked about it. He understood completely. People die, love doesn't. It is something we both have to deal with. Mark and I being together doesn't change the fact that Cliff was 30 years of my life (or that Jane and Mara, both dead, were over 20 years of his life).

Each passing year, I hope I will get through the November lead up to the death date and the death anniversary without the rekindled heartache. Every year has been different, but every year has been painful. I had hoped I would just float through this one. That's not the case. This year has been hard, too, because Cliff has been in my dreams almost nightly for the last couple of weeks, which has been unusual. Dreams both good and bad. It's been exhausting.

I do know that once past the date itself that I will probably bounce back pretty quickly, as I have before. That helps to get me through these days that are emotionally so hard.

I wasn't going to say anything about what happened at church until you posted about this, so thank you for giving me an opportunity to talk about it. I know some of the newbies will be scared by hearing that these days can still be hard after several years, but I hope hearing that (1) you don't forget the people you love, and (2) you learn that you can get through it and bounce back, will help assure the newer folks. Most of the time, I am fine. Just around certain significant times do I get the weepy blues again.

Love and Bigs Hugs,
Martha

Martha...it is kind of scary to us newbies that you can still feel that way years later. However it also cements the fact that this is our new reality. The hurt will never go away completely but we have to learn to live with it yet still have a viable life which you have proven so well. You are an great example that life does go on and can be wonderful in the second chapter our our life story. Thanks for being here for us as you and your experience is priceless!
Hugs
Darcie

Oh and Nicker07....the price we pay for such deep love.
Gentle hugs and thoughts coming your way!
Darcie

I know most people don't like to cry in public, including me. Still, at a Veteran's remembrance ceremony, at a school or in a church--seems appropriate to me. Also high school and college graduations and weddings. I think I'm going to crying at all of these, when they come up.

The heck with crying in public. Since losing the love of my life I realize that all that false pride and worry about others may think is pure and utter nonsense!!!!

I'll cry when I want to; be sad when I need to; be angry if I feel that way and show my love and affection easily and openly to those who have earned it!!!

Roz

Yes -- I know the crying in public is something that I just don't even bother to explain anymore. (to myself or to anyone else). On All Saint's Day in church so many things struck a chord with me, and during the "Our Father," where you hold hands with your neighbors, the tears just started streaming, but because my hands were being held, there was nothing I could do to squelch it. On reflection, I feel that was a real lesson for me -- if you're crying, just cry. Don't try to hide it or wipe it away.

Thank you all for the honest sharing of this journey through life and loss we are on. Rather than being frightened by the knowledge that the grieving stays with us through the years, it is reassuring to me. I am 3 months out and don't want to lose the grief. I feel like losing the long and wonderful love we shared is like a rough amputation of half of me. I can only pray that I someday will be able to accept the loss and learn to function without him and find solace. I am sure I will always grieve, and yes weep bitter tears of loss, but with time I will laugh more and cry less. That is what he wanted for me.