I know it's a ridiculous reason to ask for prayers, but I know that anyone here will understand why. I haven't been on very much the last couple months for a couple of reasons. One we've been pretty busy since my son started playing football, two I'm usually too exhausted to even think straight once I get home from work, and three to be honest I've had some really rough days where I just didn't want to talk about anything. Although I have had some of the worst/hardest days this past month, I have also had some of the best days I've had since Brad passed. I have had more of a sense of acceptance and that I need to move forward with my life because that is what he wants me to do. It doesn't make it any easier and doesn't mean I don't burst into tears randomly throughout the day. Anyways, that brings me to the big step I am taking this weekend. As i'm sure many or most of you can relate to I was completly oblivious to cleaning or the mess my house was in for probably the first 8 months or so. Then around then I started realizing "yea, ok, it's bad but am I really ready to deal with it" and then about a week - two weeks ago I started realizing that the mess is now controlling my life and it's driving me insane! I'm so angry and frustrated every morning trying to get out the door and then every evening when I get home from work. I really feel like I have no control over my life anymore, but if I can get this house under control then I will feel better. It's also affecting my job. Because I'm so frustrated and unorganized I am late almost everyday of the week no matter what time I get up. So I have enlisted my mom to help me this weekend. We have a plan, and I have hired a junk removal company to get rid of some of the things we just physically can't and are taking up space. I gave her some guidelines yesterday to keep us from getting into an argument and not getting anything done. I really do want this stuff done, and I know I will feel better once I have a clean place to live again. But, it is terrifying to think that the stuff will be gone. I know that he is not his things, but as long as the stuff is still here it's feels more like he is too and that it's still our life together. I know when it's gone it will be a constant reminder that our life together went with him. But this is something I need to do, for myself and my son, no matter how hard it is. So I'm just praying that I can get through this as smoothly as possible.
I hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for listening!:)