Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
This morning I seem to be having a solo slugfest party, trying to motivate myself to work on the back deck demo, get the ledger board down, and seal up the water issue that through the many years of a poorly done DIY install caused. Already repaired some of the rot to my subfloor and sill plate where the 40 year old patio slider door at deck level leaked through the many years. But finding motivation to work on the multitude of unfinished projects I've started is a continual problem for me. Anywho, I decided to put some tunes to play really loud to at least enjoy my lack of motivation until I kicked myself in the ass and got something accomplished. The first song I landed on was Can't Find My Way Back Home by Blind Faith. The repeat of, "I'm wasted and I can't find my way back home, hit home with me. As I get farther down the road from Juani's death, the overwhelming pain and sadness has nearly subsided, but I'm lost without her. In all our years, I always had purpose and direction, and she was the underlying reason for that. Take her out of the equation, and doing it for myself just isn't enough. So I'm listening to this song and realize, I'm lost and can't find my way back home. Similar to being wasted and stumbling in the dark. Sad part of it all is that I have no "home" to find my way back to. I'll never again have what I had with her. Who knows, may end up another good life, but a different life none-the-same. I'm not sure what to do about this realization. Maybe part of acceptance, I don't know. But I do know, I'm wasted and can't find my way back home :) Scott
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Old Hillbilly Wisdom:Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.The best sermons are lived, not preached.If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the...
Scottie- songs can certainly strike a chord. When I experience a particularly tough moment with music- or anything really- I allow myself to be sad for a awhile and then I work real hard to remind myself how incredibly blessed I have been.
Sometimes we learn more about how to put things together when we first tear them apart.
I'm not advocating anyone taking on a complete remodel, especially all at once. I sure learned that lesson, but eventually, I will get it all put back together, including the new fireplace mantle (yeah, I tore that and the wall behind it up so I could get the wiring for big screen and speakers in). But since I'm so good at just doing one thing at a time until it is finished, I'm not going back to it until I get that damned doggie door put in. And Deodarglow, you just became my go-to. Nice to have an in-house DIY expert on call :)
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Truly though, all of us are a work of art in progress. We are the masters of our own destiny.
We all have stumbled... no I stand corrected, we all have fallen flat on our faces, but each and everyone of us is getting up slowly, at our own pace and learning to cope one way or another.
I understand that your enthusiasm with demolishing is a part of that. Sooner or later you will get around to rebuilding when you’re good and ready and that’s okay. It’s your way of healing so by damn....go for it!
Enjoy the day!
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