I can imagine your Juani shaking her head. Mr. Magoo in full effect.

Scott, Kurt is “still with me now” in my heart and also in my head. I feel that Juani is still with you as well. As much as I love Blind Faith this may be a better tune to play today.

James Taylor-Something In The Way She Moves (it’s not the George Harrison song)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAzgwSLiMUc

You are home Scottie! Juani made that home for you and with you. Stop demolishing it and starting fixing what’s already broken. Do you hear what I’m saying Scott? Start the repairs....it’s time to stop the ripping apart. It’s almost like you keep ripping it apart because she isn’t there to stop you… You have to stop yourself Scottie and start putting the pieces back together. Figuratively and literally! You have dreams for that place. Start realizing them. Put back the pieces...feel that sense of accomplishment once again. She may not be there physically, but she’s still there in your heart, mind and your soul. Make her proud! Show her and yourself that you can take that step forward and begin the repairs in your life. Take a breath and start with the simplest of tasks and stick with just that one until it’s completed! Then take another breath and start the next one....your the first one to tell all of us, “one step at a time...” well....heed your own words friend and do just that into a more calm and productive future!! You can do this! Just slow down and take one step at a time. Don't look back and just ignore other projects until it’s their turn.
You know I know you well enough to say all of these things to you and I say them from my heart with kindness.
Think about it....it’s time to start rebuilding “your home...”
Warm hugs for some peace and acceptance. (And much needed carpentry skills! :)
Darcie

Btw....Now I have that song stuck in my head thank you very much! LOL!

So well said Darcie a very wise person my friend,so Scottie with that in mind you got this
Hugs to you, Jeanne

Rain, the Magoo tendencies I've always had seemed to have amplified themselves. Oh well, grief and aging, seems to be a formula for multiplication :)

Jax, I have that song in my collection. I've gotta be in the mood for James Taylor, I guess I need music that energizes me. For years my music was only church-type stuff. Part of the adjustments we make as a couple. I learned before her time that a husband always has the last words in any marriage, (wait for it...) Yes, Dear. :)

Damnit Darcie, you always have the voice of reason :) Really annoying. My Juani was that way too with me. So while acknowledging everything you wrote with that loving heart you have, and frustrated because you are so correct, but I enjoy tearing the hell out of things. Something to be said for making it your own. Every one of those projects I wanted to do over our 10 years together in this house will be done. She wouldn't let me do them. Construction drove her nuts. And leave a pile anywhere after I came in for the night from my banished back yard, well, it got put away. And then you've got my perfectionism in full swing, and everything takes me way longer than most, always has, only worse now. Worst thing is Darcie, I want to stick my tongue out at you. But you're RRRRIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTTT !!!!

LMAO Scottie...and I know!!!!!
Right back at cha brother!!!!!
:)

Phil Collins' Take Me Home. Another song fittin' to my mood today.

A most excellent choice, sir. Beats not being able to find your way back there on your own.
Wishing you a peaceful evening. Ellen J.

Scottie, here's some rock-n-roll to get your butt in gear - a very oldie - the exquisite John Cippolina and Quicksilver:

Three or Four Feet From Home
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVhaLDS2fFI

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Martha is just too cool for school!

Phil Collins, my ultimate fav... Ok, time to stop living in the past, no guarantee of the future.. only this moment, can we live and know that.... we are loved by god, and those around us.. Remember all our late night, hours upon hours of talks... remember you always told me.. that I would be ok.. and to look at the good in all things.. Juani.. would be worried about you, and saying Scottie, get it together.. and then she would tell you how much she loved and was proud of you!! I am very proud of you. but you need to finish one thing at a time. Just take your time tarzan.. you got this thing!!! Love you bestie.. jane

Scottie, hire out one repair job, and make both of you proud.
Just a thought. Maybe you are more of a planner than a fixer. Write out the orders and pay somebody to do it. It'll be better than all that retail therapy you went through ;-)
Ask around in your world, about small contract jobs.
Barb.

I've never hired out, don't intend to. I don't ever mind spending money when I've got it, but I'm not going to borrow money to pay someone else something I enjoy doing that I know eventually I will get accomplished. I'm happy to be final able to visualize projects, but those are way future projects. I've been working on fixing this 64 year old house the way I want it, plan to spend the rest of days here, and I've got no one else in my house to be considerate of. Blue doesn't care. I don't care. Any woman would care. Most guys might, I don't know. It's like fixing a car, one thing leads to another and before you know it, time to get a new car. I don't have that option with this house. Nope. I'm going to take my sweet time getting it repaired and fixed up to my likin' before I have to answer to anybody. Yeah, I drove my wife nuts too :) Scott

well scottie if you want to get it done, you can. I just wondered if getting one repair done might help get your ball rolling. Didn't think you'd have to borrow money, maybe for one thing. Start warming up all your tools,, Live your dreams ;-)

Scottie, I wish you knew how similar your situation is to mine, except That I'm a woman with power tools instead of a man. LOL. I have been fixing up a 1940s home for years even while Jordan was here with me in physical form! He told me when I met him that he was NOT a handyman! So after we married, I was the fixit person. Anyway, after he died, I tore apart his room, the floor, walls, ceiling. Used my sawzall quite a bit. He used to call it my lady sawzall! I put in new studs, framed for new windows, actually cut holes in the exterior siding and re did the shingle siding, insulated, installed windows complete with that fortiflashing stuff, sheetrocked, hand textured by Skip trowel method, painted, did baseboards, wood trim around windows, built shelves, and installed a wood plank ceiling fitting pieces around the recessed lighting! Jordan I know is so very pleased with my work. The room was transformed from a low ceiling claustrophobic room to one of beauty and high ceilings of 9 or 10 feet with plenty of light. One window I put in frames a Colorado blue spruce. I use it as an art room and a place to relax. It took me a long time to finish, but I just kept doing one little bit at a time, day by day and it eventually got finished. Slow is ok! Just keep it moving little by little!
Of course now there are more things to fix LOL. I can relate to that beautiful song by blind faith, and your feelings. Kind of feel the same right now. But I also know on another channel if we tune to it, we can find them, Juani and Jordan are still really with us. So there you have it! Blessings and Peace to you and all.