Pray. When you can’t pray sing. If no words come simply say Jesus Jesus Jesus. It feels like a physical pain. You can’t eat or sleep. You sit waiting for him to walk through the door. In your mind he just hasn’t got home yet. I understand. I pray for you and send you hugs. You just made me realize the softer grief is coming for me. I still hurt and I cried just yesterday and day before. But I didn’t cry on Christmas. The pain of losing him wasn’t sharp on that day and I’m thankful. But the pain returned. I’m thankful for any reprieve. Because I feel just like you most days but not everyday anymore.

Dee: After 3 years and 3 months I can say that the acute pain, both physical and mental do begin to diminish somewhat over time. I’m sure that time differs for all of us. In the beginning the pain was so deep and overwhelming for me I didn’t want to survive. I just focused on getting through each day, rarely contemplating the future. Sometimes I just held on as the waves of grief overcame me. Anger, sadness, doubts about everything were all part of my experience. I read from a book each morning. Healing after Loss. It was written by a woman who lost her daughter and it helped me. I also joined Soaring Spirits, an international organization for widows and widowers. They have local groups that meet and offer a lot of support as well as Camp Widow several times a year. Reach out here as I found this site was enormously helpful. I don’t visit as much as I did the first few years, but there are many helpful people and most importantly, I found that others had survived this loss and found hope that I would too. I still miss my husband every day and sometimes still can’t believe he is gone, but my life is going well. Not as I imagined but I’m doing ok. I remember also begging God to just bring him back and I kept talking to God even when I was angry at HIM. I still don’t understand the why but HE continues to give me the strength and peace I need to survive and that continues to amaze me. I wish you strength and peace. Marybeth

I understand how you feel. This time of year is so hard with the holidays, my husband's birthday was yesterday, then our anniversary is in January. Some days I just don't know what to do and how to get through the day. Reading posts on this site does help me, so I hope it will help you too.

Thank you all, I really find the things you all say helpful. I just don't think we are ever taught how to deal with losing a spouse-so when it happens, it throws you for a loop. I know it has only been a month and still feels like a gut punch everyday-but I guess taking it one day at a time is really the only way to get through it. I appreciate you all taking the time to respond : )

I lost my husband on December 22, 2018 after a 2 year battle with pancreatic cancer. I to find myself at what to do and how to do it. We had been married 39 years but together since elementary school. I to am so lonely and its only been over a week. My kids have gone home to their families and I remain in this big house with all these memories. Yesterday was a bad day as all I could do was think and cry. Anyone have any suggestions to make this process any easier. I do work from home via internet but trying to stay focus on that today has been tough.

Theresa58 I am so so sorry, It has only been a little over a month for me-I have not found anything to really help. My husband died unexpectedly and suddenly-so I sit and relive everything about the days leading up to this and 2nd guessing all my actions. What could I have done differently, why did I not realize his heart was in danger of cardiac arrest-then I cry every night over missing him to the depths of my soul.

If I find something that helps, I will let you know. The doc prescribed something to help with sleeping and that does help at night once it kicks in. I have talked to friends who are in different stages of losing their husbands, some have been gone for years and yet they say it still hurts but not as bad. I just don't know. Death is like a thief that steals something vital from you. The really sad thing is that my main driver in life has always been to love and be loved and the security that brings. So I do not know how to function in this alone environment. I will be praying for you as well, another person who is going through the worst pain you can go through. Again, I am so so sorry for the loss of your precious husband. : (

When I lost my husband I didn’t know what to do or how to survive. The pain was overwhelming and my way to deal with it was to stay very busy. I did that for about a year before I realized that I needed to allow myself to feel the pain completely before I could begin to heal. I’m not sure that I am healed but I know that I’m doing ok most of the time and the pain while still there, more so at times around the holidays, anniversaries, etc has diminished. There doesn’t seem to be any short cuts with this. Going day to day, coming here, grief groups for some, counseling if you are so inclined, whatever it takes to get you through. Reliving the experience seems to be a part of the process. One thing I can say for sure is that time seems to help. Hoping for you all to find peace and healing.

Hello, I just joined. I somehow felt "spiritually" compelled to respond because I see your "nickname" is Dee1 and that is rather chilling because my wife who just died ( you can see my first post ) name was Dena and everyone called her "Dee".

I am only starting to read and at least I am not alone in my feelings today it seems. But I do not wish what I am feeling on anyone.

I...do not even know what to say. I am just getting acclimated ( am I even? ) in my new life and on these forums.

Dee1, same feeling here.. can’t sleep much, don’t want to eat much, just want my husband and I know I can’t have him back.. at a loss. Hope a hug to you helps a little...

Thank you inked1-I pray for peace for all of us on here and for a reason to want to see tomorrow. Death sucks!

It does!! Thank you. I’m sure I’ll still feel the same way tomorrow and the next day.. but I’ll be here to feel it as long as I must. I know they wouldn’t want us to feel this way but we do nevertheless.. As long as we keep leaning on each other, we can’t fall down.. at least that’s what I believe

You are a smart woman-and yes I know my husband would be telling me to try to find some joy at some point. I am appreciative of the support from others like you on this site. It gives comfort when you have a place to go and talk to others who have been down this road.

So sorry for your loss. It really does get easier...all in due time...do not rush yourself...be patient with yourself...sending hugs and prayers and positive thoughts your way...xo

I am glad the holidays are done. I feel like I am starting to be able to process some of this tragedy. Now I have to start figuring out what my life is going to mean or become without my husband. Is still depresses me that he is gone, but I do not want to get stuck in the pain or depression-I see too many that do. That is horrifying to me-a sort of Earthbound hell. Losing your spouse is so horrible and I don't know how I will get over the feeling that I have been robbed of my happiness, my passion, my love, and my hero. I am hoping someday that I will get to a place of peace with it-but that is a long way off, but at least I got through the holidays.....