My family cares but they feel I should be better by now. I am NOT better. I physically hurt without him and am so so sad. It's old news to every one but me. I still cry every day and cry my self to sleep every night. I miss him so much. I want to reach out and touch him or hear his voice. The regrets weigh heavy on me, I see the hurt in my childrens eyes and feel it in my heart. It doesn't end. I try but in some ways I can't try. If that makes any sense. Im always on the edge. Some days I don't even wan to move out of my chair. The loneliness is horrible. I feel so out of place going out alone. Being with out him is getting harder all the time. I don't have the option of a therapist because I have no insurance. I'm too young to receive my husbands social security and I am on disability myself so I have no earning potential. I do work but only part time. I have started a workman's comp claim but my husbands doctor won't testify. A million and one things are on my shoulders and its getting hard to handle. Just needed to vent.