I wish I could offer you some peace of mind in all of this, but I know too well that there really is none. My heart aches for you. Hugs, Amy

I understand how overwhelmed you feel. It's too much at once.

One thought -- do you have a worker's comp attorney? I know that worker's comp attys don't charge you for their time (they get paid only when they win the case and their fee comes out of the settlement award and is set by law at a certain percentage). Maybe that's an option worth exploring. If you already have a worker's comp. attorney, ask him/her what is the next step when a physician won't testify.

I'm sorry that you are feeling so terrible. Try to be very kind to yourself and give yourself credit for everything you are doing.

First of all YOU FEEL HOW YOU FEEL. To deny those feelings pushing them down for everyone else they will come back and bite you in the butt later (sorry just a saying). You have to feel them, feel through them, don't beat yourself up for them, FACE them and find a way to take those small steps through them.

Only you know if you are going downhill too fast....I suggest a local church minister but find one who deals with death of a spouse. Keep trying, In the closest bigger town to me they have what is called the WELLNESS House which deals with people going through serious illness, and death. Call like a Senior Citizen's group to see if they know of anything near you that could help.

A book besides here that helped me since I am in a very rural area was Seven Choices Finding Daylight After Loss shatters your World.
There are several more THEY do help. Others may have a favorite they can give you that helped them.

So take the million and one things write them down. What is #1 and remember what is the worst that can happen if you do not do all million? NOTHING just make you feel like you need to tackle them all. TAKE the next one, whittle away a little at a time, getting too far ahead of what ifs and I gotta do this can bog your mind down especially when you are still grieving. There is no time limit on grief....just tell family that.

This is here where you ask for help and vent.

Lisa . . . we've all been there, feeling overwhelmed and somewhat hopeless. This is unfortunately a normal part of early grief. I promise you it will get better with time. Just hold on tight and ride the waves when they come. Rest when you can, cry when you want, rant and rave . . howl at the moon. It's cathartic for your healing. As for everyone expecting you to have moved on, forget about it. Those that have not experienced your level of loss simply won't get it. We're here and we're listening. I'll be thinking of you and sending lots of positive healing energy your way. xo, D

First a gentle hug.
LMJ90, You are going through a part of the very hardest time, even without all the other things you have on your plate....and your plate is full.
I came here at 10 months myself after being left alone too long. Family and friends just don't get it when they say things like that and turn and go home to their S.O..
We had a partner in crime, crazy fun and love, as well as all the daily living chores and worries. One who had our back when everyone else failed. When there were questions? we fed off each others strengths.That's not here now.

Shortly after I came a friend posted a writing by another member Wifeless called " Unique and Devastating Loss."
It was a comprehensive description of what we the left behind go through. I copy and pasted to my FB talk to John page. Of course many on that family and friend list didn't respond, but many did. I believe is helped put them in my shoes for a bit.

When the author replied he was thankful it helped. If it helps send them a copy, or just read for your own validation. This is not a road any of us choose. But we here do understand too well what it does to us. Learning to be who we are without our back up is not easy.
The post:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows_Widowers/forum/15365394-unique-and-devastating-loss


Unique and Devastating Loss

With the death of our spouse, we grieve the loss of the one we loved most deeply, cherished and felt the very closest to. The one we swore commitment to in that unique human bond of marriage, which many consider sacred. The one we shared the ultimate
partnership with to live as one and perhaps bear children with. The one who embodied our true sense of home. The one who was our best friend and who was to be our companion for life.The one we confided in, depended on and trusted most. The one who really knew, understood and accepted us as we were.
The one we felt safe and protected with. The one we shared private moments and intimate feelings with. The one we mated souls with.

But it is not just that this most precious person has been torn from our life,as unbearably heartbreaking as that alone is. With the death of our spouse,and only of our spouse, many additional profound losses must be grieved as well. For we also suffer: The loss of who we ourselves were while with them.The loss of the couple we were once half of. The loss of the life partnership we once formed. The loss of the husband or wife role we once embraced.The loss of the life we once lived. The loss of the plans we once made. The loss of the dreams we once shared. The loss of the future we once envisioned.

Amidst all this, we are also suddenly confronted with many hardships we never expected to face at this point in our life. Besides financial survival,increased domestic burdens and perhaps single parenting, additional challenges less apparent to others but all too real and terrifying to us. We must now find it within ourselves: To create a new identity. To redefine our role in life. To establish a new connection to the world. To build a new network of social relationships. To discover a new sense of purpose. To formulate a new set of goals. To decide on a new direction for our future.
And we must accomplish these without dishonoring our former life, but while suppressing bittersweet memories of that life, so that they not hold us back. Memories of happier times mostly, but also those of our spouses death, either sudden and shocking or after prolonged illness. We must further endure the feelings of guilt and disloyalty that follow us as we attempt to forget and move forward, but with our heartstrings tied so tightly to the past.

And all these tasks must be taken on at the lowest possible point of our life in the worst state imaginable. When we are the weakest, most vulnerable, most insecure, most isolated, most heartbroken and most emotionally exhausted we have ever been. Without that one person we long ago became accustomed to relying on to help get us through life's greatest challenges. The one who, just by being there, would have provided us emotional comfort and moral support to draw upon, as well as the strength and confidence we need to complete those tasks and so much more. But now we face all this alone.

Profound indeed is the death of our spouse. Unique and devastating. For most couples, more catastrophic to our life than the loss of any other.

Wifeless

Long but worth the read. Jewells, Thanks for sharing this!

LMJ, no one can live your life for you or pretend to understand what you're going through, unless they've walked in your shoes.

Please take care of you and know that you're not alone in your struggles to survive.

Warmly,
Roz

My prayers go out for you. Feel free to vent anytime - we are all here for eachother. If this helps, you might want to check S.S. again. I was told I cannot collect my husbands Social Security until I'm 60 unless I was disabled or have a child under 18. Being that you are on disability, you should qualify. Hope everything works out for you.

You should be able to get suvivors benefits since you are on disbility. check out this link below

http://www.ssa.gov/planners/survivors/onyourown2.html states:
Your widow or widower can receive:

reduced benefits as early as age 60 or full benefits at full retirement age or older.

benefits as early as age 50 if he or she is disabled AND their disability started before or within seven years of your death.
I hope this helps.
Rachel

I wish this had an edit my post sounds like I'm illiterate. But I swear it's my keyboard

I don't understand how people can believe you just get over this. You never get over it. Why are people so cold? I always had some sense of loss for widows and widowers even though it didn't yet happen to me. There were always thoughts of, how will they get by now? They must feel very alone, etc. If anyone ever said to me, I should be over this by now, I would be very blunt with them, maybe throw in a few dumb ass, and morons too. It's not that I'm that thoughtful either, it's just simple human decency. Geez. What happened to that?

I posted this with out checking, there was one more line that said
to the effect
" But that of our own"
Wifeless answered on reply #24 but the linc that contained the essay in entirety , that page is now closed. It has been posted several times periodically to help support just for times like this that the rest of the world thinks we should be better and moving right along.

Hugs Jewells

"Profound indeed is the death of our spouse. Unique and devastating. For nearly all of us, much more catastrophic to our life than the loss of any other. And truly comparable, many of us widows and widowers often feel, to one other death only. Ours."


The complete paragraph #35 in the post.

We are all in the same place. Three months and I feel it's getting worse. I hate going out alone , I am completely aware of couples and I wish I didn't have to work. My apartment complex decided to raise my rent again by almost 200.00, California living is hard on a single income. I miss him every day and completely understand what you are going through. Stay strong. Hug

My heart goes out to you. I shared: Unique and devastating with my close friends and loved ones. It is a wonderful essay. Do they understand? NO. But everyone here does. And to those who don't, I never want them to go thru this. Sixteen weeks for me tomorrow, or I guess today and I am still struggling terribly. There is no way to prepare for this level of loss. Hugs and Love to you LMJ90, Michele

It is 6 months today that I started this awful journey. Although the grieving pain has eased up a bit I still have no "good" days. I am hoping for better days ahead and the same for you. Grief is incredibly hard work but it must be done if we want any chance for a life after death. Hang in there and vent as much as you want, we're here to listen.