I am approaching 3 months since my husband of 30 years died within 3 days of pancreatitis. It is very lonely here in our home, but I love it here at the same time. We had planned on updating our kitchen before his death so I am going to do that. Grief will knock you to your knees, but I am trying to get back up, some days better than others. So glad I found this site. Prayers for you all.

That was one of the first questions I was asked by family was I guess your selling your house so you can start fresh. The reality is I dont want to start fresh. I find great comfort in the house because so much of my wife is there ie; she made the curtains etc. Yes there are painful parts like the garden where she loved to go. I have collages in the house of our life together. She made me the man I am so I want to build on the memories not forget them. With grief everyone has to do what works best for them. Im am truly sorry on your recent loss. God bless.

I know we're not supposed to put value in material things, but my house and property are visible signs of a precious life we had together. If I chose to move away, it would be like agreeing that all our precious life we had together here didn't exist. As I look at each piece or plant or tree, I remember the story of how/where/when we bought it or planted it. I hold on to these sights as precious. For me, it's one way to hold on to him. I treasure my time here. I had a very insecure childhood, as my father's employment kept us moving. I always told my parents that when I got grown, I would find a place to call my home and I would never leave it. I still feel that way. If it falls down around me (it won't) I will still be here until the undertaker takes me away. But I know several women who moved and became happy elsewhere. Everyone is different. The only thing I caution people about is not to rush to a decision unless it can't be helped due to finances. My best wishes and my sympathy to you. This is the best place there is to find some comfort in your pain.

I also find great comfort in my home. I stayed. I plan on staying, unless I am forced out. I have embraces the one year rule of not making decisions. Grateful to just be in existence. I go through things a little at a time. I wouldn't be able to handle the overwhelming task of moving.
My husband provided a beautiful home for me and God has made a way for me to afford to continue to stay here. Things will change with time, but right now, I'm glad to have out home.
I also sit in his chair and sleep on his side of the bed!

My one and only neighbors.. were married 38 years when he died during baloon surgery. Myrna had a hard time living in the house. So 3 months after his death, she bought another house and moved out of town. Threw everything away, furniture, etc. She left that house sit empty for about 4 years. Finally sold it for practially nothing....I run into her ever now and then. She said it was the best thing she did. My dad lived here and died, my great grandson, died now my husband... she said this joining property is a death property. And she was sick living here, and I have been also. She has been healthy since then.... I wonder?

NewRoads touched upon what I have been thinking about recently. In that what my wife and I worked so hard together for is this home I am in now. My wife and I put a lot of work into this home we shared, we had good times and bad times, but it is our home.

It is the feeling of isolation, the loneliness, the fear, although I have only just come to realize I do have fear of how am I going to cope with things, given that my family lives in another country, I have to face everything alone. But I know any major decision as moving will have to wait for a while. It is so easy to make decisions that I may end up regretting later on. I know if I moved within the year, I would yearn to be back in this house, I know I would. It would destroy me even more to move and then regret it. I want to be as close to my wife as I possibly can, and home is where I can be, the home we shared our life in together.

We lived on the Coast, lovely beach home very rustic, 3 blocks from the ocean. It was our dream home. After hubby passed, I gave myself 2 years to decide whether to leave or stay. I decided to lease the house long term and purchased a nice home inland where the weather is not so severe. It is very difficult to make new friends and neighbors, I had been in the beach home for over 20 years. I live in a lovely setting, but it isn't the same and if I had to do it over again I would have stayed in our Coastal home where I felt warm and secure. My husband has been gone almost 5 years now and it has been very difficult for me, still is. Have been searching for a local church that has an ASL interpreter, but no luck so far. It is so difficult to meet new people!

Patty