I stayed in the house & kept the kids -
Even when my son's voice was changing & I kept mistaking him for my husband! And the other son's mannerisms like his dads. Arrgh!
-
Grief is your internal compantion, it tags along no matter where you go or what you do -
I understand it's difficult to hear, but it's the sad truth -
The only cure for grief is to go through it; not around it or hide from it or change outward appearances -
It would be nice if any one of them got rid of the grief, but none of them works satisfactorily -
Unfortunely, there is a heavy price to pay when avoiding it -
Makes for bitter, angry, controlling people -

If peace, happiness & contentment are what you want, go through your grief with the help & support here -

*Be kind, loving, patient & forgiving of yourself everyday of your life*

[[[HUGS]]]

I am so sorry for your loss and I so understand your pain. I am at 6 months and struggling with the loss of my darling husband...we were married 41 years. I lost my husband while we were in Hawaii on vacation. To just be able to get us home was a struggle. As for what you should do....the rule of thumb is to make no major decisions for the first year. Your pain is so new and raw and your brain is on overload. I have found that there is no place to run to...Grief finds us no matter where we try to sleep. For me, home is home and I am just fighting my way through the process.
Sending you gentle hugs and prayers that you find a moment of peace in every passing day.
Blessings,
Sharon

So sorry for your devastating loss. I do understand how EMPTY your life is now.

Because each of us is unique, I have no advice except to answer you question: What did you do?

My husband of 45 yrs. passed unexpectedly 3 months ago...and I'm trying to find-my-footing.

He passed at home...and as strange at it may seem...home is where I feel most comforted and at peace. My adult-kids offered to stay with me...but I declined, because I knew "this" is my life from now on...and the quicker I adjust, the better for everyone.

Yes, it is EMPTY in our home...but I 'went toward' the empty-places. I sat in his chair...slept on his side of the bed, etc...and continue to do so when I am missing him so desperately.

Being surrounded by his things, brings me so much comfort and closeness-to-him.

I made the choice not to avoid and try to run...because that isn't my way of dealing. This is the way I AM...but every person is unique.

Thinking of you. May you find your comfort and peace in your time and way.

At the beginning I wanted to leave for Canada where my families are, but my children won't want me to go plus I have to deal with his estate that kept me home. It's almost a year now. I feel I have to move away from our home because it is just too big and I soon can't handle all the yard work on my own. I am doing a pretty good job up to now. I am going to build a tiny 600 sq ft cottage next to my daughter's house so I will be there but not in their face. Yes there are lots of good memories and it is hard to pack up and leave even at 1 year mark, but he did realize the house is too big even for 2 and mentioned that we don't need to live in the house when we retired. I take that as his permission for me to move on.

You are only at 1 month, give yourself sometime to decide what you want to do. Take care of yourself first.

My condolences of your very recent loss. To me, only one month into your widowed life seems too soon to make any big decision. In July 2011, my DH passed unexpectedly in his own bed here at our house. We bought our home-sweet-home 48 years ago, so it's almost like a part of who I am.
Luckily, we had put an addition on this split level to make the living room level into "apartment-style living". We planned on staying here until "the end", and it wouldn't require us to climb any steps as we aged.
Because I could not do the outside yard work or any house repairs, I quickly found the best plumber, electrician, lawn care fellow, etc to do all those jobs that I could not do.
I've debated back-and-forth about selling and moving into a senior apartment, and am now on a "wait list" at one senior place.
My confused thinking as a widow was like a spinning top..."I must move...No, I'm staying here"...and I've changed my decision 1000 times! I'm living alone here, and have from day one.
The final choice is yours, of course, but I would wait until you are absolutely certain. This is a very big decision, you don't want to regret making it in haste. I've heard of a couple of other widows who made the move within the first year or two, and later felt such regret.
Take good care of yourself, and you'll know when it's the right time to make that "moving" decision!
Sending hugs,
Nancy

Thank you all for your replies. It is way too soon and I don't want to make any wrong decisions so I will take my time. I know that I have to come to terms with our home. I go over there everyday and spend time picking up but it feels like there's a big hole in the house. I have to start spending the night at home soon, it will be the only way I will be able to tell if I can live there. My husband traveled for his work quite a bit so being alone in my house at night is not a problem. The problem is when he was traveling he would call me all night long and we would talk, watch tv together while we were on the phone. I don't know how to deal with him never calling again.

Sorry for your loss. While my situation is similiar there are differences. My 33 year old wife of almost 6 years passed away 3 weeks ago yesterday. We were together almost 16 years, have a 3 year old daughter and bought our house 5 years ago. She hasn't been in the house since early Decemeber due to illness. I actually find comfort being in my house. Makes me feel in a way like she is still with me because it is something we did together and put a lot of work in to together. I know it has been as long in the house but just wanted to share my feelings with you. My worry is that in the near future I am going to have to make a decision about my house due to financial reasons but I'll cross that bridge if I have to. Hope you are able to make a decision that you are comfortable with.

I'm at 27 months after the loss of my husband and I spent night one after his death in our home. For me, it was the safest place for me to be. I did many big things in the first year through financial necessity such as refinancing the house and selling a lot of the toys that my husband owned such as a boat and a camper among other things. We built it when we first married and it has only two bedrooms and one bath. It's a perfect size for one person. I have a large yard, but I am fortunate that I am able to pay someone to do the yard care. It's my sanctuary.

Nessie from KY

I stayed in our home--where I felt him closest. We were married 40 years. Somehow I reacted differently than a lot of other people I think. I couldn't stand to be anywhere else for more than an hour or so for the longest time--and after two years I still haven't spent the night anywhere else. I work full time so I'm away from home during the day, and even though for months I cried all the way to work and all the way home and going into an empty house every night was hard, I still couldn't stand the idea of being away from our home. I could feel him there and still do. I think everyone reacts differently and you just have to do what you are most comfortable with.

You are very fortunate to have family to support you and I am sure you realize that. Perhaps spending more time there would help. Does your daughter live nearby where you could spend most of the time in your home, even just relaxing or reading. I understand how hard it is, my husband died here and it haunted me for a while. I did learn to control my fear with remembering this is where we were our happiest. Just a suggestion. Sharon

I stayed in our home. We were married 48 years. I am at 11 weeks...I have tried to get rid of his personal things. But everywhere I look, WE bought everything. We decided on the decorating. There is no way o escape it, if you got rid of your home, woudnt you be taking everything you bought together, with you? You will find (later) that the memories there will be consoling. I know it hurts bad now. But just take it slow, and you will find peace and confort in your home.

I am looking forward to repainting with color, and fixing up my home, as my comfort place.... for me..

I am home. Some days, like today, is very hard. Every direction I turn there is a memory today.

I have been thinking more today about what I will do. I have talked about what to do with family, but I know I really should not make any major decisions for at least a year.

I am torn, we worked hard for the home I am alone in now. We put a lot of work into the house, my wife especially. There are lots of memories, years of memories in here, both good and bad. But for me, it is not only a matter of if I moved, it would be where I would move in terms of should I stay in Canada or would I move back to England. All my family, my mother, my brothers are back in England.

This is a hard decision to make, but one that I know it is too early to make. For now I have to take one day at a time, as difficult as it is.

My family stayed at my house for 2 weeks, then I went away for 2 weeks, I got a dog and was fine there by myself with the dog.
I really never felt him there, it was very strange like he was never there. (Numbness big time)
You will be fine, have your family stay with you a few days.

I forgot to mention ~

The widows I knew of who had temporarily moved from their home found upon returning the privacy they didn't know they needed or wanted -

Comfort & love from the memories their home held ~

I found little sentimental treasures my husband left behind especially for me; our kids did also -

{{{HUGS}}}

Sleep in another room, or on the couch for awhile. I would fall asleep on the couch, hen would get up and crash in my bed, we haden't shared a bedroom for 15 years. I found it best not to take meds, or try to force mself to go asleep....i turned tv on in my room. on a timer, so wouldn't be listening for his sounds. You need your rest, as you will surely need it, you still have a lot to do, I tried to run around and force myself to do things.....while the shock was with me... I was numb....

Go home, get food first....lock yourself in., and cry your heart out. don't answer door or phone, put do not disturb sign on door. I didn't leave the house for at least 2 weeks.....I thought, and cried, thought some more, cried more. I was alone..... I could scream, cry, took baths.... a couple times a day...no makeup, hair not done, in sleep pants and tee shirt.....ate junk food.....I think it took a month before I looked at myself, and said, what a mess..... went to beauty shop,