I've spent a lot of time thinking about this. You see we've all had a lot of stress due to losing our loved one--just getting through the day can be hard. But there are people who want to add to our already stressful life. For me it's my dad, but I've read from other people on this group who have had other people do the same.

I don't like feeling terrible. I like to smile and have a good life. I don't expect perfection, but I don't expect to live my life crying or being upset because someone said something completly stupid or down-right cruel. I therefore came up with a plan and executed it today.

Here's how it went. I came in from a stressful but good day at work. I was tired after twelve plus hours. I was tired when I came in. My telephone rang and it was my father. Now, a little background. I wrote him a check for a sizable amount of money. I'm furninshing his house. I've had a new shower stall installed. I painting the entire house. I'm doing this for him alone. Well, guess what he said tonight. I'm broke, I need more money. And when I told him I just gave him a check, he said, That's nothing.

Well, it's something to me. You see, I'm broke now and he's still treating me like I won the million dollar lottery. Now normally I would have been arguing with him, maybe crying too. At the end, I would feel miserable and stay up the entire night. The next day, he would feel horrible about what he said and apologize. Of course his cruel or stupid words would still echoe in my mind, but I'd smile and say it's okay. Later, we would repeat the same scenerio as he's a greedy man. So instead of going through all of that, this is what I did.

I immediately told him well, I've got to fix myself something to eat. I'll talk to you later. And said goodbye. I could hear he was stunned.

After I hung up, I thought it was so much better than arguing with him and getting nowhere. And I also thought of something else: why not handle everyone like that. For example, someone says something stupid like you need to find someone and get married. I'll then say, well, it's been nice talking to you, but I really got to fix something to eat. And leave or say goodbye.

Someone says, you really need to stop crying, and I look through my tears and say, It's been nice talking to you, but I really got to fix something to eat. And leave or say goodbye.

I think after a few times, these stupid people will get the hint and realize we widows/widowers really don't want to hear what they have to say if it it's stupid or inconsiderate. You see, for the most part, I think you have to train them like they're dogs. Pavlov's dogs.