Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Truhal 04/01/2012

I'm 55. Got grey hair. Can join a senior group. Can get the senior discount. Two years ago, before my husband died, pretty much everyone would have agreed that a good portion of my life was behind me. No one would have called me young, not even in the darkest room. Then my husband died, and what the heck, suddenly I'm young. I found this out right after my husband passed when a woman told me, "you're still young. You'll marry again." Boy am I tired of that one. and the one where they tell you that you're too young not to date.

Then there was that time in the store after I told the store clerk what had happened. First thing she said--"He was so young." My husband was six years older than me.

And then there are tons of people who tell me that I'm so young to be a widow.

So, there it is. The key to youth has nothing to do with face lifts and jars of expensive cream. It's losing a spouse. Then suddenly people think you've got your whole life ahead of you, picturing you out dancing up a storm in celebration of your newly single existence.

Catherine17 04/01/2012

I hear you loud and clear. I am 45 and within a week my husband's mother told me...."Well, your young". Like that matters....to me it just means a longer time before I am reunited with him. Then my 80-something uncle told me "Your young, it is the ones who had a good marriage that start dating and get married right away and the ones that didn't have a good relationship that are alone forever".....Really?? I feel me and my husband had a great relationship, and that is the last thing on this "YOUNG" mind. I am not celebrating anything about my new singlehood.

sparkles0521 04/01/2012

Thanks, you made me laugh. The way you wrote that was so
funny. Yes, I too had someone tell me when my husband was
very very sick, that I was young ,and wouldn't have a problem finding someone new. I think if I weren't the lady I am,I'd of probably slapped her. Being also, my husband was still alive.
Well I have to agree with you on the jars of expensive cream, I have been using them for years. And I still have wrinkles. lol.
Anyway, it was nice to read your post and have a good laugh. Thanks for posting it.
Hugs---Deanna

missmybrucie 04/01/2012

Who would of ever known the true key to "youth" . Good for thought,
I dont think it would ever sell on any stores or websites though. The price Is too high and it would never be lower.
Thanks for sharing

deleted_user 04/01/2012

Yup!! I hear how "young" I am ALL THE TIME!! I'm 59 and all I do is go out dancing, partying and living it up in my newfound "singleness"!! (LOL)

If they only knew that I spend 99% of my time sitting at home in front of the tv, in front of the computer and wondering what the heck happened to my life as I knew it!

Hang in there!! Hugs, Sharry

lovedaisies 04/01/2012

Wow!! Who knew all the ADVANTAGES----Thanks for keeping us in the know. I am 60 now and feeling my age with what all grieve does to us not only mentally, emotionally, spiritually, but also physically. I feel better already:)

cleodoggie 04/02/2012

Well I am 59 and i hear that how young I am. Maybe it's because I color my gray I don't know. At 59 i have my dogs and occasionally go to a fish fry with the neighbors or lunch with a friend. Wow-some social life!!!!!! Getting married again? We will see,we will see....Great post. Hugs to you, Chris

jremee 04/02/2012

Agreed! I have always HATED getting older! How can I look OLD when I still feel like I am 18??? (Ok, maybe 21...) I, too, have been told I am too young to be widowed. Wish that were the case - many of us do, I am sure! Brenda is right, the price is too high and yet it could never be lower...(And Deanna too! I keep trying different products but nothing seems to work!!! :)
MJ

deleted_user 04/02/2012

LOVED Brenda's response, and all others here! lol

The price IS too high, and who knew that YOUNG was just a lifetime of grieving away?

And here I thought it was how young your heart feels? ;-)

gotta say though that those wrinkles and the changes we all have to go through makes us WISE and that is something that again the price is much too high.

HUGS all!!

diane

deleted_user 04/02/2012

I hate hearing "you are so young, you will marry again" Within the first week of my Lee's death, I hear this from his own brother! I am going to be 50 this year and this is the second husband I have lost to death. The first one was when I was 21 and I lost my only child's father to suicide. I was alone for 20 years after that. I married my second husband when I was 39. We divorced and I finally met my soulmate at 46. Now at 49 am I looking to get married again? When I have just lost my one true love less than 3 years of meeting him?
I think I have developed more wrinkles around my eyes in the last 3 months. Trying a new eye cream. Will it make me look younger? Somehow I doubt it.

michaelbmanning 04/02/2012

When Mike died I was given a flyer about the "Young Widows' Community Group here at the local funeral home. I went thinking I would meet other young women in my situation. All the ladies there were 55+ and they consider themselves young widows. They were discussing on-line dating and I just plain felt out of place. I was starting to think I was going to morph into an old lady because I am a widow. I guess "young" is how you define it.

Maggie

goldenearrings 04/02/2012

Loved your post...........laughed out loud...........lkmeb

deleted_user 04/02/2012

I'm still waiting for the "dancing up a storm" celebration. I'll be 58 in two days and I can't say I feel young. But I DO feel too young to be a widow. I honestly thought Bill and I would grow old together. And I guess we did ... in somebody's eyes. But not mine. I am, however, using a big more face cream and my hair is always blonde.
Go figure.
But as far as finding someone else? It's absolutely the farthest thing from my mind. Just can't do it ...

LoveYouSept 04/02/2012

At 42 I hear it all the time. 'Your'e young, you'll meet someone else'. I am too young to be a widow. I can't even stand that word 'widow'. But once you've had the love of your life how will anyone ever compare. Having youth on my side just means more years I have to be on this earth without my love. It means more major events that my husband won't be there for. He won't see his boys graduate, grow into men, marry and have their own children. But I do also feel so sorry for those of you whose children have grown up and have their own busy lives. At least my kids keep me busy sometimes. It's lonely for me but I can see how lonely it must be to not have anyone else in the house.

Nicola37 04/02/2012

I was 36 when I lost Ric, his sister said to me three weeks after he died, you are young you will find someone else, I wanted to slap her there and then. I often envy my 91 year old widowed neighbour and wish I was her age, then I wouldn't have too long to wait. But then I have our six year old boy who keeps me going. I can't look to far ahead..... it breaks my heart .

deleted_user 04/02/2012

Agree with all the above.

And another thing...for me anyway,,I committed until death...and I'm not dead yet.

(...he may not have been my first...but he will be my last...)

Still Married

Carla

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