It has been 2 1/2 years for me. I still have grief bursts but not as often as in the beginning. My husband was my strength. When things came up we would talk it over and between us make a decission. Now it is all up to me and I don't like it. We grew up together, being next door neighbours. We knew each other for 47 years, married for 43. We were a team, and when he passed it felt like a big piece of me died too. I wonder if I will ever feel happy again. I am going to try and get some help with how I feel. I have an illness that limits what I can do. Hopefully when I feel better I will be able to get out more.

9 months and 18 days today...I looked up on the mts above our place, and all around and I cried - this was our dream, our home, I just do not feel like its anything special anymore.

And I am frankly tired of trying to get everything done. I wanna go play. I wanna not cry and I wanna have a good laugh and fun again.

tpoulos you have all questions I have been asking myself this week. Thank you for this posting. I have been struggling all week not to cry at work. Everything is a struggle. I'm at 9 months 8 days. We were together for 35 years. We could answer the question the other just thought about but never said. We were one. I am so thankful for words from those of you farther along. I am so lost and exhausted without my best friend and husband. Thank you all. Have a peaceful evening.

Jerseydebbie has said it just exactly the way I feel. i will be three years July 27th for me. I still have my sad times and wonder why God took him home.
But I have learned to function and live life with the grief. It is hard not to miss someone that has been a part of you life being and soul for so many years.

I have learned to be thankful for the 40 years that God allowed me to have my sweet husband. God's grace is sufficient.

Phil 4:13
Christine

Its been 5 years since my husband went home to be with the lord. I still have grief bursts sometimes. But nothing like I did the first few years and they dont last as long.. My husband was my balance and he taught me so much about laughter, he was the kindest man Ive ever known.. As far as wanting to re marry for me I dont think so I feel totally fulfilled with the special love that we shared and I believe that the Lord has other things in mind for me... But thats my path and others may want to find new love and marry again and thats beautiful. Life is to short not to have love in it. And we all need to do what truly makes us happy. When we are happy it so makes are heavenly Father look down on us with a smile... thank you for letting me share with you and Bless you it does get easier I promise you!!!!!!!!! mammie

The song "We've Only Just Begun" was on the radio today. I had a HUGE grief burst; I thought back to the night before our wedding. We went out with another couple to celebrate, and danced to that song.

I didn't have a grief burst...it was a grief explosion!

"They" say time heals all wounds. It'll be 2 year for me May 30....I don't think Time is going to heal this wound any time soon.

Hugs,
~~Corri

I have no answers. My wife passed away last month. I miss her so very much. I do believe that no matter what your loved one remains in your heart forever. Just like anything in our memories they will be there. When you find the right person they will understand when sad thoughts come to you. Just in turn if they have memories that come back to them. Being with my wife and having her at my side made all the difference in my outlook on life. I am hoping that if someone should inter my life that we will be able to stand side by side and face the world together. They will never be able to replace what you had; they are different people but someone new in your next chapter in life. With the right person at your side on the journey through life it will be much easier and enjoyable. You know your husband would want you to be happy and not lonely and sad. You will know when its the right time for you. I have no experience on this part of the journey it; this is just what I believe.
Take care of yourself
jim

JIm,
You said you have no answers, but your letter said it all.

When I said I heard, "We've only just begun" it brought memories of our first summer together; our wedding, our dreams. I was ill through most of our marriage, and VERY immobile. He did EVERYTHING...cooked, cleaned, laundry....and I just sat/laid there. Then, after he passed, despite pain I became mobile. I'm SO sad that he's not here now, because we could do things together...especially garden. I feel guilty that I couldn't be like this before, yet I truly believe he can see me; is even at my side at times, and is proud of me.

I also believe that upon his passing, he started a new life in Heaven, me on Earth.

As far as another person coming into my life...that's up to God and I trust Him....

YOU take care of yourself, also.

~~Corri

I like you am new to all this. My husband Joe died about 5 weeks ago. Those grief bursts take me by surprise. Sometimes when I am texting to his family or friends I will have a memory of something Joe said or did and it will make me tear up or even just plain bawl! But I am finding that I am getting better even only 5 weeks into this. Much of the time I have happy memories that make me smile. It really seems that the hard crying comes when I have had a bad day or am depressed, like on the 1 month anniversary of his death. So I have hope that things will get better. As for getting remarried or into another relationship, that is your choice. If you loved being married and loved the closeness that you shared, then don't discount the idea of remarrying. My husband told me that he did not want me to be alone, he even went so far as to pick out the guy he wanted me to marry! LOL That's my Joe, always a plan for everything! At the time he proposed the idea of me marrying his best friend, I thought he was nuts and told him so. But it was enough that he wanted me to be happy and not mourn him forever. You may find that a new relationship will help, WHEN you are ready, but don't rush into it!! Take your time. And I know from personal experience that you never really stop loving......even though I was divorced from my 1st husband because of his drug and alcohol abuse, I still care about him and there is a place in my heart where I remeber the good things about him. There is another place in my heart for my darling Joe where all my memories of him are placed. And someday if/when I decide to try the dating/marriage thing again, I will still keep all the memories of all my "boys" in my heart. I will just make room for another. Hope this helps. Hugs and understanding.
Michele

A new relationship does not make it go away. I have a new man in my life that I care for deeply and still have grief bursts about my husband. It is nice to be ina relationship again, but it just is't the same. No one will ever take his place. No matter if I ever get married again, it was not the marriage or the relationship I miss...it is HIM I will always miss.

My lovely wife died 2 years & 2 months ago. For about 5 weeks after she passed away I cried hard in the shower each morning.

Then my crying in the shower decreased. (I still would tear up at other times, but for some reason I felt I could just really howl in the shower, and the rest of the family wouldn't hear me.)

Just as the others have commented, the grief doesn't go away completely, but for me it did decrease over time.

In the past year I mostly think about the great times my wife and I had together [a wonderful vacation in San Francisco, a romantic week in Mexico, or just cuddling on the couch saying nothing and holding hands], and I am so grateful she loved me.

Jay

My husband died 2 1/2 yrs. ago, and we celebrated our 50th anniversary 8 months before his death. I know we were blessed to have this long marriage, when so many at DS have lost spouses in their 40s and 50s. I was his caregiver for several yrs. and after hovering over him and thinking about his health for so long, I felt my life had no purpose when he died. For about a year, I could not concentrate enough to read a book; did not care if plants were watered; had little interest in anything. I do have faith in God, and I believe that He was with me all the way. It just takes TIME to heal. During my time of "inertia" I continued to go to church, and accepted any invitation to lunch etc., just to get out of the house. I feel this helped me so much. After the first anniversary of his death, I began to feel better gradually. I knew I had to accept the fact that he is gone -- life is "me" and the children & grands now. He won't ever be with us again here -- so I don't wring my hands and weep over that. The first few months after a spouse dies are extremely hard for everyone. I think it's hard for us to comprehend the "reality" of this huge loss. There will always be a hole in my heart and life, and I will always love and miss Frank. However, the searing pain I felt at first is gone -- but I do have lonely days, especially holidays. From what I have learned here, it seems if new relationships are with other widowed persons this might be a plus for both. Someone who has not experienced this loss & grief has a hard time understanding the depth it reaches, and that it lasts forever. People do find happiness with others - but I would be very careful before making that big step. Of course, at almost 73 I am the "grandmother" of DS and my thinking may differ from many of you younger people. I am not looking for "romance" - I'm happy with my single life right now. Also, having been a caregiver for the greater part of 10 yrs, taking care of a "strange man" does not appeal to me!! At my age - one never knows what the health situation will be from day-to-day. You will soon be at the 2nd anniversary date -- I hope you will have far less grief bursts.
Blessings - Doye