interesting that you ask that question, I am feeling exactly those same emotions, and I too loved being married. Marriage was a wonderful experience for me. I just don't kmow if I could actually believe I can have that same "newness" purity or purpose of it a second time, especially because my husband passed away. We did not get divorced, so Its not like it was a marriage that didn't work and I am still looking for. I love men. I enjoyed my husband. I enjoyed his maleness, his typical man ways and his own special little boyish ways. .. You see I am now having a as you say "grief burst" actually I've been pretty for about a week. Hope someone answers the queston for us.

The "grief bursts" even now will pop in unexpectedly, and it will be six years in July. The important difference is that they are not the exhausting-type grief bursts that you mentioned. They arrive, I deal with them, and they depart. Thank goodness they are no longer debilitating, but part of my recollection of a life and love that are worth remembering.

Love and loss is not just a segment of our lives but an integral aspect of what has been intertwined into our very soul. It is part of the fabric of every moment of our existence; however, the lingering memory of loss exacts sweet tears of sorrow at will. Blessings to you as you travel this difficult road of moving forward. TJ

I had one of those grief bursts today. I couldnt stop crying....Getting close to being 2 years for me also...I loved being married to my husband in good and bad times...I grew as a wife, mother and Christian during the rough times...so I am thankful for those also...Blessings~ Debbie

A friend recently described grief like the waves on the ocean. They come fast and furious in the first days and months and crash over our heads with unrelenting furor. Very gradually they pace themselves out - a bit slower, a bit less violent, but they still keep coming. There are days now that, while far from a calm sea, the rhythm is more of big swells with many cresting and now and then a rogue wave will build and break, followed by a few more of lesser intensity. When that huge one hits, even if I've had warning of it building, it knocks me flat, wipes my feet out from under me and any sense of temporary stability is lost. I can feel myself gasp for air as I tumble and churn trying to right myself and struggle for a foot hold. Just when I think I won't make it I break the surface and feel my lungs fill once again - a bit shaken, but relieved I rode out another one.

I am going on 4 years and I get just sad cries now and then. I think more for the things Marty has missed out on and the joy in the kids faces about different events. Our daughter got married in Key West in January, just things like that. You can never replace the love for your husband because like you said there was no bad feelings when you lost him. There is love out there again just know it is different just like anyother relationship. It can still be good and fun and loving and supportive. We are here among the living and we in honor of our spouses need to move forward and keep reaching for the stars because that is where they are!! I was 44 when Marty passed away and trust me to know my huhsband he would be pretty mad if I just laid down and didn't move forward. He would be very proud of me at my progress in life without him. Do for you and don't worry what ANYONE thinks
Hugs!!!

It will be 2 years June 13th that my love has been gone from this earth and I'm really struggling! I went to the cemetary last week and sat for a long time crying and saying "I don't know if I can do this"! And then I think......OMG, what's wrong with me? I should be so much better going on 2 years! I feel in so many ways like it's only been 2 weeks (not 2 years) since he's been gone!! I too loved being married, being a couple, being Mrs...!!! I miss everything about him and "us"!! He made me a better person!

There really are no easy answers. So it's back to my counselor today. Maybe she can convince me that I'm really NOT going crazy!!!!

Blessings to all of us on this very difficult journey. I pray that our loving God holds all of our broken hearts in His healing hands!!!
Ruth

Amen Ruth ! I probably need to head back to the shrink also....

It has been 4 years for me. I am so much better and living my life as best I can. I do not plan on dating or marriage if it were to happen that would be okay but I am not expecting it. Do I cry still ...yes not nearly as often. I do not have the grief burst often but they do come. We were together since I was 14 so I will never stop grieving what I no longer have but I am okay with that but I have learned to let the feelings out when they come and then get on with life. Coming here and journaling my feelings still comforts me and lets me not share my sadness with my kids or grand kids as they do not need a sad sack grandma. I do not want them to remember me that way. So I thank God for DS. Just let yourself feel however you feel in time it won't hurt as much as it does now. Hugs!!!

I am in my third year. I am having a grief burst. In my case I think it is because I am very lonely. My husband was 78 when he died and we had 46 years together. Still the length does not make it easier.

I am dealing with the grief burst. It is really my own fault somewhat. I have turned into a somewhat hermit. Still looking for things to smile about.

May 22 will be two years that I lost my "life". I too loved every aspect of being married, and being a couple, but I loved it with my husband. He was more than a man, and more than a husband. He was me, if anyone can understand that. We connected when I was 14 and together for 38 years before he died. After a spell, your lives become so intertwined that you become one.

Grief is a lifelong process. We don't get over it or "move on" so they say. We adapt to living as full a life as possible without them. Some need to continue their life with the companionship of another, while others prefer to stay single and unattached. There is no right or wrong. It comes down to personal preference.

I still have meltdowns, but they are not the profound painful sadness they once were. Rather now, they are meltdowns from remembering little things that return to the brain in doses. Nice memories and a deep yearning to have my husband back with me again.

The intense grief bursts ease in time. I don't think they ever truly go away. We just become better equipped at dealing with them. I am coming up on 3 1/2 years next month, I was just hit by one last week. It's not like the early ones though. I know that they do subside and I just work through them in my own way. Trying to not let those around me see it, and remember me as someone that is always sad. The things that bring it about now are those missed opportunities as our kids are starting their adult lives now and he is not here to share in the joy. He would be so proud of who they are becoming.

The other struggle is dealing with constant loneliness, the lack of support and comfort that comes from being with my husband. Our marriage had its share of ups and downs, good times and bad, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I did date a man the first part of the year, while it wasn't the same, and never will be the same it brought me back to life. It helped me to see that I can care for someone again, in a very different way. It didn't work out, but I walked away a different person, I discovered more about myself. I will take those lessons with me. Everyday brings new lessons, and I am constantly learning more about myself as an individual. I loved being Lance's wife, the mother of his children. I will always miss that, but I am now learning to enjoy my life and the joys that it still has to offer.
Sorry to ramble on. We will get through the tough times. Sending Hugs, Denise

My husband past from this life just over 18 months ago. I still have moments of deep sadness and crying but they have become less often. I try to keep busy and wonder at times if I am just avoiding the feelings of his absence. We were together for over 30 years and in that time we were very close knit almost as one person. I know I will always miss him and the loneliness I feel is for him and the life we had together. I really wore myself out the first year crying very often and in doing this I hurt my health a bit. I am recovering now but I do not want to deal with the fatigue of deep grief any longer. I have asked the Lord to help me let go of deep grieving as I am sure without his help I can not do it myself.
I hope my days ahead will be filled with wholeness. I pray that for all of us here on DS.
God Bless,
Helen

It's been a year and two months now. I still miss him, but now I'm used to it. The sadness comes, but for very short periods of time. I'm used to not seeing him, not cooking for him, but I will always love him. I'd say now it's like remembering a great time in my life. It seems unreal to have had such happiness in my life and I'm grateful. But life goes on and I've been able to do it.

it has been almost 2 years for me as well, on may 28th...sometimes it feels impossible to go on...sometimes i am proud of myself for trying my best to move forward...i guess some would think that after 2 years things would be all better by now...not really. we didnt have a lifetime together, we knew each other only 9 years and we were just short one month short of married for 5..we were going to renew our vows..it was to be beautiful and infront of our family..which we couldnt do when were married...it feels like we knew each other for our entire lives...we just melted into one, sharing all the same things and dreams...I dont know what i will do now..its crazy, because i dont want to be alone the rest of my life, but i really couldnt ever imagine myself with anyother than my richard....and so it hits me all over again that he is gone, and we can no longer share our dreams, and do all we did together anymore....he was a real man to me too...but so sensitive too...i loved ever single thing about him...and now what?? i loved being married to him, and i proudly took his name, and loved being introduced as his wife and my husband..it was wonderful...ive been having a lot of emotions these past few weeks too, more than usual...dont know why

I am just past 18 months. Yes, I still have the "grief bursts," but I feel after they pass, like each one has made me a little stronger. We were married just over 18 years, it was a second marriage for us both. I will always miss him. I recently moved from the midwest to the Pacific Northwest to be closer to my daughters, and am enjoying settling into a new community. I am finding that it is easier not to be in the house where his presence was everywhere. I have no desire to date, just enjoying family, women friends and activities. That is more than enough for now.