Dear Hawg, making decisions about anything at all, no matter how big or how small, was one of the most difficult things for me to become accustomed to doing after my husband died. It still isn't easy since no one is around to bounce thoughts off of or to get learned and experienced responses from.
Just a question: Would you mind doing, and are you in a position to work the farm for another year before making a decision to sell it? This might help you decide what you want to do and can or cannot reasonably do by yourself. It might give you time to listen to your heart. It will also give you time to listen to what others have to say. I think you can trust people on this website to be among those who can help make a decision.
Peace and grace--

Dearest Hawg,
I grew up on a farm and loved being in the country and growing our own food. I learned so much from it. My parents sold the cows after all of us children grew up and moved out because they didn't have us farm hands any more. Farming is very hard work and so very worth it. My Dad passed away two years ago today. My Mom sold the farm equipment and made 80,000.00 at a huge auction.

My husband lost his battle with a brain tumor after only 5 and a half months. He died April 3 of this year.

So I understand a few angles of your dilema going through the loss of someone that was your life and how farming is also your life and how can you do it all because farming is very physically exhausting work and requires enough people and equipment and care to keep it all happening.

So I would say there are so many questions to ask. Are you trying to do it alone, or do you have help? Do you have children and how old are they if you do? Are there things on the farm that you can sell/ land/ cattle, etc. that can help you hold off on the major decision of selling the whole farm if you still are not certain?

Sometimes we think we have two choices, A or B and that is it. Sometimes answer K would be a better one to hold us over until we are really ready to answer A or B.

Time helps for those huge decisions.

It sounds like you have been hanging in there for a long long time if your husband was sick that long. It is all so hard, and I wish I could go there and give you a bear hug because that's what my husband would always do when I needed a hug. I miss him so much now!

God bless you and I hope you find all the answers that you need and I hope there is someone there to give you a hug. My husband and I have 8 children so I get lots of hugs still, which are a life saver to me!

-Diana

Hawg. . .take time before you make any decisions. Give yourself at least a year. If you are confused and feel rushed to decide on something that huge, then the decision should be to wait. I just made the same decision about selling my house to buy a condo. I couldn't make up my mind and wasn't sure if I would even like a condo but I am trying to make things easier for me. So I decided to do nothing and i feel so relieved about it I can't tell you. Good luck to you, Shirley

yes you are pushing too hard, i did the same when my wife of 30 yrs. in march 08, made some big decesions and some of them were not very well sought out, give yourself a break, keep farmin if it makes u feel good and u will know when its time. i know every one says time is the answer, i dont know if its the answer but it sure does help. dood luck. mark

I know almost nothing about farming so I feel a bit out of my element. It is usually much better to wait before you make any big decisions. If you can work the farm (or manage the farm) while you are going through your grief then that is probably best for a while.

One of the "strategies" that I would investigate is to see if there is any way to lease or rent the farm so that you can defer the decision about selling and in the meantime reduce how much time you need to "work" the farm. This may be totally inappropriate for a farm ... but that is where my instincts would lead me.

I will pray for you ... this will be a difficult period for you.

Tom

I want to thank everyone for their advice. I really knew the answer, but I have a responsiblity to different landlords. I donot own where I have lived for the last 30 years, so have to decide what to do. The farming business can be very complicated, I am just thankful that I "farmed with my husband" and know what is going on. Thanks again everyone for your input.

I think this decision is yours alone. By this I mean you have to take the past and your huby out of the equation. I know it is almost impossible to do so. The farm is not just your house but maybe your career if you choose to continue, unless of course if you have people that can run it for you. Is this your passion, do you see yourself doing this for years to come. do you know what you will be doing if you leave/plan for the future? I think it would be more of a decision of where you are going in life. I know there are also memories from your marriage and life there, but I feel this is more of what you want your future to look like. I wish I can help more . . .Peace.

I would just say that unless you really have no choice please put off making the decision for another year.
I was aware when Rod died that I shouldn't make any big decisions for at least 12 months. Unfortunately there was one decision that I thought I had to make and now I think I went the wrong way. There's nothing I can do about it - I just have to deal with it and its so very hard so, yes, if you can wait then please do wait.
Good luck ..

I do know that there shouldn't be any decisions made during the first year, but when my husband passed, we had 1,000 Acres of corn and soybeans to plant, cattle, hogs. The problem is we always worked as a team, I took care of the livestock in the spring and the fall until he got sick, then I started helping in the field. I know the business end very well, but the farming industry is so volital, that I'm afraid I will loose everything he worked so hard for. It will take a great deal of money to replace his labor. He was the one who planted and combined, I just hauled in corn. I do have a hired man, but don't think he is qualified to do the work my husband did. Thank you, everyone for all your input.

Making a decision about anything can be a monumental task. Do you really want to sell the farm, or do you have to for financial reasons? Trust your heart and gut, if you can. I know that the pain and anxiety of our loss can mask any feelings you have about anything.

Sometimes making a list helps. List the worry on the left and the facts on the right. It helps to make some things a little clearer.