liz....I could have written your post! I have no idea how to move forward. I go out occasionally with my other widow friend, but I am not a social person.

I am not eating well at all....frozen dinners or a sandwich. What do others do for cooking etc.

I have no desire to dust or run the vacuum cleaner....I can only sit at the pc or watch tv....no motivation whatsoever.

Terri.... shame!!!...you took my reply...lol I wanted to start getting a new life too. No success. They want to "touch" you. I don't want to be touched, therefore I am not ready. 27 months. Men are wanting romance. Not me, just companionship. So let me know how you work this out..

btw... I really cleaned my house good. Kept myself busy. I was cleaning today. Where did all that dirt come from?

Dear ladies..I hate the saying time..but it's true..time at your own pace..I feel like my head is peaking out of a window..I don't see gloom or doom and I will always have a place in my heart for my Jim...I tried so hard to not let anything change...and then one day I knew EVERYTHING had changed...it's hard and a lot of days it really sucks but each day I feel a little more hopeful..a little more excited...sending you all many hugs

All I can say is I am very glad that I always put a lot of effort into my girlfriends. I have a friend for every occasion. Those who I cry with, one who is helping me declutter my house, several to go out drinking with. I have been in 2 book clubs for over 5 years with some wonderful women. My husband worked in the city so many Friday nights he was happy to play video games and hang with our kids while I go out with my friends. I have been a stay at home mom for 12 years so it has been my main social outlet. My 13 year old daughter sleeps with me so I don't have to come home to an empty bed. Its working for now. My 3 daughters and my friends and family keep me very busy. When I am ready I will date. I am too social to spend the next 30 years alone. Hoping one of my friends will find someone for me.
Hugs to you!! Try and get out there. Join groups or any social activity to meet others.

Its so very hard to move on, especially if you have no children at home and your in your 60's. It feels like its all over for me. Not much family left now and I don't have the motivation I had when he was here. Life has lost all its purpose now. I clean when the mood strikes me. I do the necessary stuff and that's about all. I don't know what to do to move forward, I tried everything already with no results. All I can tell you is just do 1 day at a time, don't think any further, its a scary place.
Hope for better days ahead for all of us.

Liz . . . you are 48 years young!! There is so much life out there to be lived!! . . . but only if you really want it. I'm 49 and am actually quite content living more of a life of quiet solitude. Probably because I lived so large in the social scene in past? In any event, life is a series of choices of what you want it to be for "YOU". Intent and desire. If you really want a change, be the change and the change you imagine will follow. Okay, enough of my guru mantra crap. (But it does work)

Back to house cleaning? Hmmm . . . I used to be a control freak when it came to keeping my home tidy. Not just for me, but those I entertained, or those that would visit. After J passed, not many visitors, entertainment ended . . . therefore, no need to keep up the tidy house until I knew I had a guest coming. Then I'd get manic to get all back in shape. Perhaps you are not motivated because you don't have a reason to be? Just a thought.

I agree . . . with the "right" partner and equal share, it does make these mundane chores easier with time left over to enjoy each other. Thank God you had this win/win relationship with PJ. A lot of we women tend to overcompensate with house duties to our own detriment while hubby is golfing. (Okay, that was me then)

How do you start a new life? a) by being "open" to a new life, b) by putting yourself out there, albeit in some uncomfortable social situations with your shyness and c) intent and desire.

You can be the mistress of your ship! As a matter of fact, you already are! Don't wait for life to magically drop in your lap as it rarely happens this way.

Go for it girl . . . dream and dream big! The world is your oyster! Hugs, D

P.S. The gym is a wonderful idea and great start!! :)

It must be hard to start a new life at 48. It must be at least as hard if you're ten years older. But I expect I will do it, because from what I understand, you're more likely to live longer. Especially if you're a guy. And I would like to see grandchildren someday. That day, if I'm lucky enough for it to happen, will be happy and sad.

I feel the exact same way...I want Tom, but he's gone, and I have to accept that. I'm 45 and can't imagine being alone for the rest of my life. I have a 19 year old with autism and some behavioral problems. For me, it seems like that part of my life is pretty much over...and it's a depressing thought.

I believe that losing your partner in life is hard at any age. Those with young children always tug at my heart to think of single parenthood being forced on someone and the children not experiencing the love of the one taken away.

I lost my husband at 60 and the loss of our retirement plans was bitter. Our well intended plans had disappeared. It was only through the sadness of others here I learned to find happiness in what we shared outweighed the loss. Realizing that is the beginning of rebuilding. The steps for me then became identifying myself as a woman who deserved happiness. Sharon

I know I'm going to reach this point, but at this point, I just want time to lick my wounds and heal. I can see this issue rearing its ugly head in in imagination and it terrifies me. My other half (and also more social arm) is gone - what do it. No one understood me like him, no one will ever accept me like he did. I am a very strong woman and others often turn to me in their time of need, but what they have never fully understood is it was because I always knew he had my back. I wish I could tell you how to start again. To Shrn I get the loss of retirment sadness, I am 53 and he was 61 so his retirement would not have been that far away and one of closes couple friends were always and still are always talking retirement even though it is a few years away for them, I had to ask my brother during the first week or so to please not allow them to have those conversations in front of me - too too painful. And today I had to once again listen to them talk so much about their future that I sometimes wonder if they appreciate what a gift it is they have each other TODAY. Sorry to ramble so, it has been an emotional day, this conversation was while visiting my Mom in a rehab and to top it off I broke my toe this morning (but can't bring myself to face another hospital to get it checked out - no doubt it is broken though).

I'm 45. I clean a bit just because I've got dogs and they'd make it a lot worse if I didn't try.....plus people come over now and then. I watch a lot of tv but always have. Try to work a little, I'm a professor but am on leave until mid-August.
We didn't have any kids together but my husband has a 17 yr old daughter and she'll visit this summer from overseas. My mother lives with us, well me now.
I'll always be alone romantically from now on. I can't conceive of ever meeting anyone, or of ever being interested romantically in anyone, or of anyone ever being interested in me. I'm okay with that.
What I used to worry about was dying alone. Not worried about that at all now.
I think starting a new life again just happens. It's already happening. We don't get much choice in the matter. If new people enter our lives, that's great, but if they don't, we still have a new life. I think that's true period, for widows/widowers and all the rest.
I try not to think too far into the future. I used to, throughout my twenties.....and my ideas about my future never panned out. So life IS surprising, but it happens gradually so that eventually you'll look back and think wow, I made it through and have this life.
That's not a bad thought. It's thinking about going through the days, months, years without our loves that's depressing.
Peace to all of us.

I had just turned 48 2 months prior when my husband passed...Along with the feeling of being robbed of my future, came such overwhelming feelings. 26 months later I still haven't gotten the day to day chores down path in the same way I used to have them. But then again there were two of us doing them..There are currently still two people in this house as my dd moved back a few months later to continue her schooling nearby but like me , the motivation is just not there. I must say that I try not to be too hard on myself because while I was not keeping up my house to it's usual standards I went through a garage full of items that had come from his parents house , I also cleaned an organized the "stuff" that came home from my son being away at school for 4 years and then dropping most of it here before moving away to another province to work. I took on the snow cleaning and yard maintenance tasks and I went from working a maximum of 10 hours a week to becoming an apprentice through a college and doing my course on line which means an average of 60 hours per week of school related work. Add that grieving is a full time job at first and that it takes a while for it to become part-time and that it will never retire and something has got to give...Priorities change. My attitude was also "why bother" . I did gear my focus towards downsizing but even that lives a mess at first. Baby steps.that's all I can say.

oh yea my post was about the cleaning...about how to start a new life or new normal...Well since focusing on becoming financially more stabled and being a student my week is pretty filled but for the social aspect right now, most of it is through playing cards with people that are at least 20 years older than me (some in their 90's) . At first I went to fill some time and because I liked playing euchre and this was a safe environment for me but then it was therapeutic because we had something in comment, most people that age are widows and widowers and knew the pain I was feeling and "babied" me . Now the conversations are great which feels a good part of my social needs. I would like to eventually meet someone to fill a different social need. I did meet some younger widows and we do go out and socialize once in a while but yet something is still missing. I miss the conversations between a man and a woman . I don't meant a romantic connection but there are conversations that are fun to have and that only happen in a certain way. Not sure how to explain it. With going out with my woman friends, some widows, some not, the conversation always seem geared towards the same path. I miss the other type of interaction.