Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
On Monday I returned home after 3 days away in the UK. I travelled with 28 women who were attending a Hen Party - since I wasnt up to a hen party, I used the chance to travel and visit my stepson.
Even after 3 days of company within 5 minutes of being through my front door I was in tears. I was upset because I had had nobody to phone to say "we are on the last leg of our journey can you pick me up in 30 minutes" , nobody to meet the coach when it arrived to say welcome home. I stood surrounded by women being greeted by their husbands/boyfriends/children and felt so invisible for several minutes.
Friends dropped me home and then there is was - the door to an empty house with nobody in there to tell about the weekend, who said what, where I went, what I bought etc etc. I guess I need to try to get used to it but I don't know if I have the strength. I have a lot of feelings about the situation but the uppermost emotion is JEALOUSY and "why me"?
I have cried and cried - cant seem to pull myself out of it. Haven't been out, nobody has visited since Tuesday, nobody has phoned - nothing - I really do feel invisible and I cant call my best friend who is always there for me because she is ill at the moment.
BUT how do you tell what is grief, what is depression and how much is just self pity of the "why me" variety??
If it is grief then I need to work harder to get through it. If it is depression again I need to lift myself because I don't really want to go on medication (I already take enough!). If it is self pity I need somebody to kick me in the butt!!!
Whatever it is, I need to get through it and move on, be stronger even if only for myself. I just don't know how.
Thanks for listening
Fay
Even after 3 days of company within 5 minutes of being through my front door I was in tears. I was upset because I had had nobody to phone to say "we are on the last leg of our journey can you pick me up in 30 minutes" , nobody to meet the coach when it arrived to say welcome home. I stood surrounded by women being greeted by their husbands/boyfriends/children and felt so invisible for several minutes.
Friends dropped me home and then there is was - the door to an empty house with nobody in there to tell about the weekend, who said what, where I went, what I bought etc etc. I guess I need to try to get used to it but I don't know if I have the strength. I have a lot of feelings about the situation but the uppermost emotion is JEALOUSY and "why me"?
I have cried and cried - cant seem to pull myself out of it. Haven't been out, nobody has visited since Tuesday, nobody has phoned - nothing - I really do feel invisible and I cant call my best friend who is always there for me because she is ill at the moment.
BUT how do you tell what is grief, what is depression and how much is just self pity of the "why me" variety??
If it is grief then I need to work harder to get through it. If it is depression again I need to lift myself because I don't really want to go on medication (I already take enough!). If it is self pity I need somebody to kick me in the butt!!!
Whatever it is, I need to get through it and move on, be stronger even if only for myself. I just don't know how.
Thanks for listening
Fay
Be kind to yourself. You don't control grief, for it controls you. The only thing we can do is get up every morning, take a deep breath, and one step at a time. I know what you are going through, for I did also. There wasn't any working harder, and God sakes I couldn't make myself feel better. I learned to just get through the day, and eventually I could see the sunlight again.
I reacted excessively to various things and didn't react at all to other things that I probably should have, but I just allowed it all to happen. At about 16 months I went from being quite erratic and over-emotional to a calm which is primarily still with me 3 months later. I still worry too much about some things but now I can usually talk myself down and move on while before I would be stuck in the fear for much longer.
It is jarring to have to experience the reality of our aloneness so what you felt is not abnormal at all. Just as learning to be a couple took some major adjusting, life alone is going to require the same! Be gentle with yourself--you deserve it after all that you have been through.
I will hope that I can pull myself out of it over the weekend and start over next week.
Regards to you all.
Fay