You sweet person, please give yourself a break. It's so soon. You can lay on the floor and cry if you need to. I did. Nothing is expected of you just now. Hopefully, you have some people giving to you - you don't need to give at this point. I will say it gets better, though you don't believe that now. Wish I could give you a hug.

What you are going through is normal. I did it, didnt think i had a reason to live. I'm still trying to find my way.
Go with the flow of tears, dont fight it.
Your profile says you like yard work. Ive been doing "dirt therapy" getting outside everyday working in the yard. Gets me out of the house fresh air, it helps.
Be good toyourself, it wil get better.

We r so in common when it comes to this sadness we share. I am in the exact spot you r in. I used to be sad and lonely. I still am at times but I have recently had some great experiences with the social; group I joined and I now look forward to activities on the weekends and it helps me cope with thegreat sadness I have. I am not nearly as lonely anymore. I am not saying this group will solve all your problems but it will give you something to look forward to. I experienced joy for the first time since my wife died and am blessed for that. I talked about it in the post putting myself out their. I still am an emotional mess but this social group did improve my life. Social r not dating groups al thou there are people dating in the group u can inform them of ur cituation and they will most likely understand. When I joined I wrote that I recently lost my wife and was wanting to find friends to enjoy life with and people responded well to that. They even have a whole bunch of events that you can involve ur children in. Witch for all the meet ups I go on children are always welcome.

I had a fairly similar posting about the emotional stress of discovering who you r and being lonely. I posted the same thing in may.
I am about a month ahead of u and I can see ur postings and just feel connected to you. I am glad to have you as a friend and I hope this posting helps. The best advice anyone has ever given me here is Put Yourself Out There!

ps. You don't have to join a social group but try new activities every weekend so U will have something to look forward too. And yes I am done talking I care a great deal about you my friend and I hope this helps

I just looked at ur profile again, I do that to refresh my memory. .With All the entrists you have I am sure a local social group around you exists and has functions that you would like. You really are a nice person and it just makes me want to help that much more.

Thank you. I do get out. I feel like I'm held hostage to being a widow. I feel wrong. There are so many aspects to this new life that I don't understand, I feel like I'm just stumbling around, falling, getting back up, stumbling, falling. My kids need me and I just don't have the confidence to be a single parent, participate in church, participate in life. I feel completely broken. I forget important meetings, birthdays, I screw up. I hope it gets better. I want to be fixed. God won't fix me. I have a church meeting in 20 minutes and I'm no shape. Wish widowhood would let me go.

There is something else that has helped me a lot and that is a shrink. I am also taking anti depressant at nite so I can sleep. I don't always take it, just when my mind starts to wonder into bad depressing thoughts and memories. I also joined the group to acquire new friends because they don't expect me to be sad all the time. I don't think I mentioned that. I think it helps to acquire new friends that did not know your spouse.

I think you need to speak with a professional psychiatrist like I did. It helped a lot. I bet you haven't been having the best time with getting to sleep. Try melatonin before you go to bed, It really helps to have a rested mind so you can better deal with your emotions. It is an over the counter herb supliment sleep aid that really helps.

I also must admit that the med for sleep helped better than the psychiatrist did so try the melatonin before you go to bed before the psychiatrist.

One more thing. You are right God wont fix you a psychiatrist cant fix you either, Only u can fix u. I also have a posting about when I came to that realization and that alone is very depressing but realizing that will help you out in the long run. Don't get me wrong God and ur psychiatrist can help lead you down the right path but it is you taking those steps and carrying the burden, Both can help lesson the burden.

I think that you are expecting too much of yourself, much too soon. Simply being a mother would be enough for most people. You have to take care of YOURSELF, that's the priority now. You don't have to have the answers to everything -- you don't have to be perfect. Stop and take time to think about what you and your children need, and concentrate on that -- everything else can wait. Some things just simply can't be rushed, no matter how quickly we want to move on. Time itself will bring answers to many things. I know it's difficult to do, but you owe it to yourself and your children to step back and relax just a little. Do something just for yourself -- maybe a spa treatment or a new hair style. Give yourself a treat.

I promise this is it unless u ask but I think U want this sadness to just be over and that is not how it works. You r expecting 2 much 2 soon and all my suguestions are just a means to help lesson the pain. It is not a quick fix but you will most likely feel better if you practice some of the suguestions that I gave you.

OMG! Last night, I had Mike's bf and wife over for dinner! U are so right, Drew! Old friends....remembering, talking about the past. That's why I'm in this shape today.
Sleep is not a problem. I sleep really well. Soundly.
Touch is a problem. I feel like a junkie waiting for my next fix.
This is first time I've felt truly broken. Maybe because I can't control something and I'm tired.

You just have to go one day at a time. One moment at a time. I am too very weary of all this. I just want it all to be over with, like shutting a door, and coming out a whole person again. I stopped questioning myself. I make the right decisions, and if they are not right, so what!!... At least I made the decision. I made most the decisions before, and never questioned myself. So why would I now?

Also stopped thinking I could depend on anyone but myself. I guess I am becoming cold and hard. but who cares?

Yes. I want to close the door and come out a whole person. I was fine making decisions before. I can rely on a lot of my friends. They just can't really rely on me. That's what I hate. I feel stupid. I forget things I'm supposed to do. I don't act like myself at all. I'm not the same person. And I have a hard time with that.

Maybe a little self pity in today, too.

I am feeling better. Read some blogs online and realized that I'm not so different than anyone else. I subconsciously had prescribed a timeline and the profile of a widow to myself. Shame on me. I should start each day with a new mantra, "I don't give a damn what they think." It just goes to show that I'm judgmental of others (if I judge myself) One foot in front of another. One day at a time. Maybe at some point I will embrace who I am and just love me....if my late husband were here, he'd give me a swift kick in the butt and tell me to quit being so hard on myself.