I know what you mean. My husband and I were inseparable, not needing much company then. I am a reserve person so it is hard to make friends. My husband was social, he made friends and they are still my friends but not the type to be around all the time. They all remember to include me in some functions and I am grateful for that. I try the church but not making much progress, lost in translation due to language differences. So here I am alone and getting ready for retirement in the next couple of weeks. My daughter tells me to try harder. I should have more time to socialize soon, let see what happens.

I can relate as well. My wife and I usually did things together and I really did not have any close friends. And now while I have a lot of acquaintances I still have few close friends, especially men. I'm at 3 years now. I am very outgoing and social but still have trouble making close friends.

Russ

I relate also. My husband and I did so many things together, though I have always volunteered. When he died, I knew that things had to change drastically. Even the leader of the support group told us not to isolate. So joined two support groups, took on more volunteer hours, signed up for emeritus classes, joined an exercise class. I am very much an introvert but have made wonderful friends and keep engaged in life. It takes lots of emotional work to get out there. Hardest is having no relatives in immediate area. Never, ever thought my husband would pass first. He was the one who went to the gym, ate really healthy, a vitamin person... It "blindsided" me to the core.... find something you love to do or a cause that needs your help. Also, there are many meet up groups to join... Have met some ladies through meet up and we go out to lunch or a movie.

The folks in your church are waiting for you to make the first move. Just go on Sunday and turn to the person next to you, in front, or behind and extend your hand, introduce yourself and let them know that you are looking to make friends, can they help? Some wives may find you intimidating so make sure that you don't look like you're moving in on their man!

I totally understand how you're feeling. Morey and I were each other's best friend. We did EVERYTHING together and we loved it! We NEVER tired of each other's company or hearing stories of each other's day. That's the part I miss most about marriage.

Now, I don't mind being alone. At first, I felt so, so lonely and really desired the company of others and couldn't wait for invitations to come to dinner. I even went to a card club about 1 hour from me to play "Pan" and chit-chat with others, I don't know how to play Poker [and, don't want to learn!] I love playing cards and know that I'd get hooked on it. I do love watching the Poker tournaments on T.V. It's very entertaining.

I also still work a full-time job so sometimes I get home and I just want to collapse. And, some weekends all I want to do is binge-watch T.V. or play games on my computer.......it really passes the time!

Being a Widow can sometimes "spook" others. They're not too sure how to act towards you. Show your smiley face, don't wear a black lace over your face [just kidding] and show interest. Like; helping to set-up chairs, or serving food, or clearing tables, etc., etc.

Laugh easily and smile hard [until your face feels like it's going to hurt] and, I promise you'll make friends, if that's what you want!

Roz

If any of you are in the L.A. area and want to meet-up write to me on here and we'll make a plan. We understand what each other's are going through and can give each other a REAL hug instead of a virtual one!!!!

Hi Sue, have you tried checking in your area for craft groups or craft guilds? The craft and fabric stores do one and two-day classes, too, where you can meet people with the same interests.

There are adult classes offered at the high schools.

Check your college alumni association for events.

You can search on meetup.com for groups in your area you might be interested in - I have seen everything from widows groups to dog walkers to chess players to movie afficionados on there.

Volunteer with an organization whose work you support. Having a common goal is a good icebreaker and all charities need volunteers - even if it's just stuffing envelopes.

Check your local parks and recreation department for events, classes, lunch clubs, and volunteer opportunities, too.

Is there a Red Hat Society chapter in your area? They might be worth looking into.

As far as your church, Roz is probably right - they are waiting for you to make the first move. That's a pity, but not all congregations have a clue how to help the bereaved in their midst. Have you spoken with your pastor/priest?

These are just a few ideas to add to the other good ideas above...

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Roz, i
I am down in Orange County. A neighborly hello...

I was the more social one of our marriage, but most of our friends were couples. I still keep in touch with them, but it isn't the same. Most of our friends are retired and living the life we planned. I have learned to do things that I enjoy and met people who have the same interests. I also have learned to enjoy my own company. It's hard, but you can find others who are looking for company in their lives too. I made my first friend in the grocery store. Sharon

I am also an introvert and it is hard for me to socialize. I feel the need to just want to go out to dinner or a movie with someone. I moved closer to my work and have friends there but not outside of work. Traveling back to where I was before to socialize can be hard. Not a church goer so that is out. I always feel that I am imposing if I ask people to do things with me. My daughter says I should learn to be alone, but I feel I am alone all the time. My husband and I had everything in common, it was so easy to just do things with him. I also feel like people are avoiding me. Even my family doesn't talk to me. I am sure they don't know what to say. But I do feel abandon in a way. I do have to admit my yellow Lab and three cats are very helpful. They do know when I am lonely and circle the wagons. But it would be nice to have human conversations. I guess it is part of the process.

Hey, Rainbow, like I said if you'd like to do dinner or lunch, one day just let me know. We could meet-up half way like somewhere near LAX. I don't mind driving there or in Marina Del Rey. It would have to be a weekend because I don't go out on school nights. I am a working girl.

Although, one of my most favorite places in Orange County is the South Coast Plaza and the Rainforest Cafe.....Just let me know when & where.

Roz

And, if there's anyone else who would like to join us, we could make a "thing" out of it!!!

It doesn't matter where you come from, just where you're going!!!!!

Roz

Thank you, everyone for all your replies. Roz and Rainbow, I'm in Upland which is about halfway between LA and San Bernardino. I would like to join you if you put together a meet date/time.

Roz, Rainbow, knittings......anyone else? Once we get a group together we MUST do it. Hey, it's just a car ride.

I'd drive to Vegas for a meet-up.....Wouldn't that be fun! Let's do it!!!! We have to book our own rooms-It has to be a Mon.- Weds. or Sun. to Tues. I hate the weekends there and it's cheaper during the week anyway. We could all meet a certain time on a certain day in one of the Lobby's. I forgot to mention, I'm not much of a gambler so it would be for the food, drink [I'm not much of that either] or shows. Although, if we do too many shows than we really can't talk. Heck, we could meet anywhere.

Come on, let's get a few more of us and then let's make a plan. The worst that can happen is we spend some fuel. But, we'll make some great friendships.

Roz

My 2 cents...

My therapist said to just continue doing those things that you once did as a couple. He also suggested I do the things that my late wife didn't want to do, but I did...

My wife was my best friend in the whole world. We did EVERYTHING together when I wasn't working... and because of that I too have no friends really.

Everyone is a couple and it's awkward and only reminds me of the loss.

So I just keep on keeping on...

I have also been looking for a way to make new friends, especially those who understand this journey. Just to have someone to go do things with from time to time.

I am in the process of moving from Ecuador to the LA area. I will be there for a short trip next month and I would love to get together with anyone in the area. I won't have time to go to Vegas this time but would love to do that another time. Surely we can find a location in the middle of where we all would be traveling from for a nice get together? This could be really fun.

Smiles and waves,
J

I am thinking maybe you can try the newcomer's club.
http://newcomersclub.com/California/

Here are some other ideas as well:

Making new friends: Where to start

When looking for places to meet new people, try to be open to new ideas and experiences. Not everything you try will be successful but you can always learn from the experience and hopefully have some fun while youre at it.

1. Volunteering can be a great way to help others while also meeting new people. Volunteering also gives you the opportunity to regularly practice and develop your social skills.
Take a class or join a club to meet people with common interests, such as a book group, dinner club, or sports team. Websites such as Meetup.com can help you find local groups or start your own and connect with others who share similar interests.

2. Walk a dog. It's good exercise for you, great fun for the animal, and an excellent way to meet people. Dog owners often stop and chat while their dogs sniff or play with each other. If dog ownership isn't right for you, volunteer to walk dogs from a shelter or a local rescue group.

3. Invite a neighbor or work colleague for a drink or to a movie. Lots of other people feel just as uncomfortable about reaching out and making new friends as you do. Be the one to break the ice. Your neighbor or colleague will thank you later.

4. Track down old friends via social media sites. Make the effort to reconnect and then turn your "online" friends into "real-world" friends by meeting up for coffee instead of chatting on Facebook or Twitter.

5. Connect with your alumni association. Many colleges have alumni associations that meet regularly. You already have the college experience in common; talking about old times can be an easy conversation starter. Some associations also sponsor community service events or workshops where you can meet more people.

6. Carpool to work. Many companies offer carpool programs. If your employer doesn't, simply ask your colleagues if they would like to share rides. It's a good conversation starter and will help you connect to people who live near you, as well as save on transport costs.

7. Attend art gallery openings, book readings, lectures, music recitals, or other community events where you can meet people with similar interests. Check with your library or local paper for events near you.