I have never accepted that my husband died of a brain tumor. It was and never will be okay. It happened. I can't change it. I am through grieving and am living my life with joy once more four years and two months later. Some words hit a nerve with me and when people said to me that some day I would get to acceptance and that one day it would be okay...I knew that those two things would not be words that I would ever be able to swallow. Like I didn't move on...I moved forward. I didn't get over losing my husband...I just kept placing one foot in front of the other...understood that my grief (every part of it..every feeling and emotion) was normal no matter what.

The fastest way to the other side of grief is to allow grief and to experience it. You can't get over it, can't get under it, can't get around it...gotta go through it. So if you are feeling overwhelmed with it...it is because your world has been turned upside down and it is overwhelming. That's why so early on our bodies go into shock and we are in a fog...because it is just too painful to comprehend too quickly at first.

Lots of hugs to you as you place one foot in front of the other.
-Diana

i feel like i will never be able to accept my husband's death... not truly. he passed on aug. 31st, 2011 and i still find it so hard to believe. how could he be gone? where is he? why did he have to leave me? i ask myself these questions over and over ... knowing there are no real answers. i look so forward to being with him again someday. sometimes i just ache for that day to be here. he is/was my soul mate and i miss him with all my heart. this past saturday would have been his birthday and i was a mess. spent all day yesterday crying. i hope he knows how much i love him and miss him. and i hope he doesn't forget me.

debby

There are no rules or time tables on this road - Nobody would presume to tell you when you have to accept. A day just seems to dawn where you feel more at peace with the situation and learn to navigate your new path a little better. I would lie if I told you that acceptance brings you to a place where things are back
to normal. They will not return. Like many others here I strongly believe in reunion, because the day will come for us all to step over and to take on the next phase of our soul journey. Meanwhile don't torture yourself looking at ashes. Your person is not there.

missmyhero.....I like what you said. It makes so much sense....Thankyou....Sandee

I think the word acceptance is not the right word.

I still at 2 almost 3 years say "I cannot believe he is gone - its so unreal" But knowledge is there.

Its just taking the right forward steps while taking the necessary steps backwards at your own pace to find "Peace" . I guess that's meant to say acceptance but I still do not believe that is the right word to me.

Take care and take your own steps at your own pace. Its ok.

To me acceptance doesn't mean it's ok--it will never be ok--it just means that I have come to the realization that he is gone, there is nothing I can do to change it, and I have to move forward through the grief because there is no way around it. In the beginning I hated the word acceptance because I felt like I would never accept losing him and somehow that word acceptance sounded like I was ok with it. I don't know about anyone else but I know that for myself in the beginning I didn't want to acknowledge that he was really gone--as if somehow if I didn't acknowledge it, didn't really believe it, that somehow it wouldn't be real--I didn't want to think about it. At some point it dawned on me that in order to move forward I had to fully "accept" or mentally absorb the fact that he was really gone. The word acceptance means different things to different people obviously. To me it just means I finally admitted to myself that he is gone physically and will never be back--that I am alone with my memories and I have to work through every awful step of this grief process in order to survive and come out somewhat whole or sane on the other side, hopefully anyway. It will never be "ok" that he isn't here with me--but it is very ok that he isn't suffering anymore--that he is exactly where he looked forward to spending eternity. So, I guess I have "accepted" his death--at least the reality of it--it's painful and sad--and I hate it--but the reality is that he is gone from this earth. I believe he will be there waiting for me when I leave this earth and that brings me a lot of comfort. Hope that makes sense to someone besides me.
Hugs, Wanda

I just re-read my reply ~
I was disappointed at my vagueness & not addressing one issue in particular ~

When I was 6 months out I began searching for information to understand Bob's car collision & death ~
The DA prevented me from getting the records or photos due to the pending vehicular homicide case ~

What I found was it was easier to understand Bob's death rationally, at the same time, I could not grasp/comprehend it emotionally in my heart & soul ~
B/c grief is a process, It's a normal part of it ~
Hope this helps ~