I say don't rush getting rid of his things too fast if they are giving you comfort while you grieve. I gave away a lot of my husband's clothes way too fast and when I decided to make memory blankets from his clothing , I regretted giving away the jeans and some of his pants etc..
I made blankets for my son and my daughter and one for his sister . 2 were rag blankets and 1 was a t-shirt blanket. After 6 years, I am still working on my blanket as there is always another project that takes over.
Mine will be a bit more like a quilt and eventually will get done.

When I made the rage blankets , I watched videos on how to embroider a simple stitch. Then I copied his signature from greeting cards he had given us over the years and embroidered his signature on one of the square of each blanket .

Wow that is a great idea. I want to gave a quilt or blanket made out of his shirts but I have no talent with this type of stuff.
What you are doing for your family is priceless. God bless you.

When I have a bag of my own clothes to take to Goodwill I will grab a shirt or pair of pants of his, usually one I have no special attachment to. That way it doesn't hurt as much as it would if I donated all of his things at one time. After 3 years I still have about 80% of his possessions left but I have the room for them so I don't mind. So that's my system - very slow and gradual - and not painful.

That is about what I am doing now. Makes sense. I am getting down to everything I am attached to. I will do it.

It has been nearly nine years for me (so hard to believe), and I still have lots of John's "stuff." When a friend of mine was collecting clothes for a mission trip, I donated most of his clothes only keeping a few items. I wish that I could have worn some of his shirts or coats, but there was no way since he was much smaller than me. I kept all his large handkerchiefs and use as bandanas when it's hot, and I am working in my yard and flowerbeds. His drawers still have much of the same that were in them when he passed away. I also have a barnful of items that he bought at flea markets, yard sales, and auctions. Maybe the day will come when I will get rid of most of all that I have kept, but I find some comfort in being surrounded with his things. I know that everyone is different in how they feel about this subject. When my older brother passed away, his wife emptied the place of his things keeping only a few items that she felt were special and reminded her of him. Needless to say, I even claimed some of my brother's things because I couldn't stand to see them go to Goodwill. We all have our own timetable when it comes to parting with our partner's stuff so my advice to you is hold onto your husband's things as long as you feel the need. Roxanne

Oh my goodness when I saw the picture of your late husband in his great shirt It reminded me of my own late husband. He picked out such amazing shirts and 3 and a half years later I have most of them folded up in boxes in the garage. He also loved stuff and had a great eye for beautiful things. I have gotten rid of so much but I still have a lot of his special things around me. It is comforting to me. And when I need a special screw, bolt or nut, he seems to let me know where to find it.

Sounds like you are doing about as well as you can with a task that is often very difficult. But I'll share something my counselor suggested that has helped me. Organize things into 3 categories: things to definitely keep, things to definitely let go, and things you're not sure on. Some of it you may likely keep forever, and I think that's fine. Most important of all, try to take the time that you need to make these decisions. I don't think you're method of comfort with the jacket is silly at all, rather it sounds like a good way to cope when you need it. I recently heard someone say that "moving on" is poor advice that we can really only move through our difficult losses as we transition to the change.

Cliff and I were together for 30 years, and we had the piles of stuff to go with that pile of years. I could remember where and when we picked out every stick of furniture, every book, every painting, where we picked up the goofy souvenir coffee mugs, you name it. Everything in our house dripped with memories.

I gave away most of his clothing at about 6 weeks. No one else could wear them, and he was a give-the-shirt-off-his-back kind of softie, so I knew he would rather someone would be able to use them. I kept the shirt he wore on our wedding day (I had made it by hand), his bathrobe and jeans that were hanging on the door the night he died. I used to wrap up in his bathrobe to sleep - I totally get the thing about it feeling like a hug. He had done his laundry the day before he died, so nothing else had his scent on it. Anyway, the rest went to Goodwill. My sister took me and I cried afterwards; I don't think I could have done it alone.

All the small stuff he handled everyday like his glasses and wallet, watches, and such went into a special box to hold for our sons in case they wanted them to remember him by. I asked my older son what of his father's things he wanted as he had first choice as firstborn. I'll never forget his response. "Nothing. Dad wasn't about 'stuff' - that's not how I think of him." I saved the small stuff anyway, just in case. It helped me a lot not to see everything staring at me everytime I turned around. Did I really need all his stuff around to remind me of my loss?? To hit me over the head with my pain? Not really...

At one point, I had to change everything out of our bedroom to make it "my room" instead of "our room." Leaving everything the same just made it so obvious that he wasn't in it, like subconsciously I was expecting to see him there and it was jolting for him not to be there. Changing that room gave me a respite from the reminders and the pain. It helped my sleep, too.

When I decided to move from Florida to England, I had to clear everything out. It was painful. Someone gave me a good piece of advice - photograph anything you might be attached to emotionally before you get rid of it. I have lots of pictures of sentimental things that weren't practical to keep (and ship) - like his guitars and amplifiers. I sold some and gave the rest to a nephew.

Basic ground rules for 'stuff':

First 6 months - give away NOTHING unless you are legally bound to do so (from instructions in a will, etc.).

Remember that what was his/hers is now YOURS. You do not have to give away YOUR stuff. People will try to convince you otherwise, so it's important to grasp that YOU are the owner now. Again, if there is a legal reason to give something away, that you must do. Otherwise, the world can wait until you're ready.

You are entitled to heal. You are not required to sufffer indefinitely from your grief, and if having a house full of reminders is not helping you, then consider first rearranging one room, then another, and so on. Hang onto what makes you feel good or still has a genuine purpose.

Usually by 2 years you know what you really need to keep and what you can let go of, and more importantly, your head should be clear enough again to make a reasonable decision about things.

I don't miss Cliff's clothes; I miss seeing him in them. I don't miss Cliff's guitars; I miss hearing him play them. I don't miss Cliff's record collection; I miss listening to records with him. I carry those memories and that love within me forever. My son was right, Cliff was not about 'stuff.'

I hope you find what works for you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I guess I am an oddball, but the clothes were the first thing I got rid of. Then everything else gradually. I am keeping some of his books, office equipment, newsletters, Cd's, etc. I have a small memory tote in the garage for each husband. I still have some tools, but those will go in my estate sale. I think I sit in his office chair as much as he did, but that will go also. My stepson said, "Those things are not my dad," so he took little. I had some glass art put on my last late husband's stone - his book publishing logo. That was a deal, but I was persistent.

Your stepson sounds like my son, she.

The books were painful to get rid of - we had a huge library as we were both (and I still am) avid readers. I did save a few first editions that were family heirlooms passed down in his family. We had 16 bookcases I had to liquidate. I sold what I could, gave some to friends, and donated a bunch. It wasn't easy...

Be careful about getting rid of tools; I gave away some of Cliff's tools early on before I realized that I would need them, and then had to pay through the nose to replace them. Not one of my brightest moments!

Tal, thanks so much for sharing the great picture. I, too, have lots of stuff and that's after I gave lots away. I know there's a place that will make stuffed animals out of his shirts that I can't get rid of but I still keep a few of them hanging on inside of his door, as if he hung them there. They've been immovable for almost 6 years now......It'll be 6 years on April 11th.

I'll open his closet door and touch them every now and then and then I'll close the door not to touch them again for months.

There's no time limit on anything. This is my rule, you can make your own, or join my "rule" club. My rule is; if I don't want to do it, move it, go to it, talk to it, return the call, go to the party or respond to an invitation......I do or I don't......I let my feelings lead the way. I've been through enough, I don't need to follow any guidelines or arbitrary rules laid-out to me by anyone.

I'm very much like Marie, I slowly throw things away. Every time I leave the house I grab something to throw away.....it's a slow process but it's easier for me......slow & steady. I'm so proud of myself when I do it. And, it doesn't hit my heart so heavy!

Roz