It bothers me too 60 and single after 38 years with Steve (2 as a couple and 36 years married)! I'm new at this game because my husband died August 25th of this year. I am going to trust God to do his thing. If I am meant to be alone then so be it. I only pray I can find purpose and happiness again.

It's been a little over a year since I lost my husband and it is just recently that I have began thinking about getting out there again. I know I am still not ready, but the thought is there. I am finally realizing that I can live on my own and be just fine. That I can take care of my 2yr old by myself, that I am happy by myself and don't need to rely on a man or anyone else. I have created new friendships that keep me busy and happy. It is only now that I think about adding anyone else to my life. It takes a long time to come to terms with your loss and to feel whole again and I don't think you ever really fully do. But when you realize you can make it on your own, it's not so scary to really be alone.

I have to say that is also the worst for me. I met my wife when I was 17 and when I moved out of my parents home I moved in with Diana. I traveled on business a lot over the years and spending a week apart was hard enough, the thought of the rest of my life alone is horrible.

I really am lost and am having trouble abandoning our 20 year plan for retirement (the trips, the remodeling, etc.) but I don't want to do them either.

I went back to work, I will figure out what I enjoy doing (I really don't know anymore) and will take life as it presents itself.

-Pete-

Okay, the answer I'm going to give you used to piss me off when people would say it to me!! But here goes ..... TIME ~ TIME ~ TIME.

It took TIME to build our identifies with the spouse we lost and truly become "ONE" with them. It takes TIME to grieve. It takes TIME to work on building a new identity as "SINGLE." No one can determine for another person the length of time needed. You alone navigate through the changes required on this journey.

From experience I can tell you that I also feared being alone for the rest of my life after I lost my husband Ross. I was scared of being a single woman. But I worked hard at learning who I was, trying new activities, building new friendships, and taking on challenges that forced me to stretch myself. And in TIME I realized that I was okay with who I had become. I did pursue a new relationship and have married again, but that came about only after I became a whole person on my own.

Hope that makes sense. Praying you aren't too lonely tonight. Tami

I had never lived alone until Richard died. Went from parents' home to a married life. After he passed away, I was traumatized and didn't believe I could take care of myself, let alone a home and a job. Now, 19 months later, I love being alone. It isn't the life I chose, naturally, but since I can't have what I want (which is my husband back), this life is OK.

As for being alone the remainder of your life, that choice is yours. We can choose to live a life alone or seek companionship in another. We aren't doomed, rather we have choices.

My choice was, and remains, to be alone.

I think the trauma of the loss of a spouse/partner is so horrendous that it knocks us into thinking only in terms of absolutes. Suddenly because the one person that was "our all" is gone, we think it's "all or nothing" - that is, we'll be absolutely alone and unloved, unappreciated, isolated, etc., because our all has died so we must be left with nothing.

That's simply not true.

I have learned that there are a whole lot of different versions of "alone" and of "company." If you were to survey those of us who are more than a year out, you would find quite a mix of relationships. Chetfam, Totalsupport, and I have married again. Jerseydebbie, Marjoe, Missulance, and others have further cultivated friendships with others they spend time with (mostly girlfriends), while others concentrate on family, grandkids, their pets, etc.

You are not going to be alone forever. Who you choose to spend your time with will change/has changed through no fault of your own.

Try not to think too far ahead into the future. Right now that is immediately going to seem bleak because nothing feels certain or sure. Try instead to think more in terms of today, and take care of yourself today. Now is not the time to worry about whether you will be "single" forever.

Joy is as inevitable as sorrow. We forget that. We can't even imagine it during the early days. But it will come again. Whether that joy is found with family, with friends, or with a new partner doesn't matter. It will come again.

One day at a time right now. Love and Hugs, Martha

For me its been 13 days I havent gotten mad at her yet and I pray nightly that that never happens but it is so hard to watch all the couples and what not shoppin and joking holding hands man this sucks Im so sorry for your loss

It was three years without Don this past June. I was adamant that I wanted nothing more than him back with me. I suffered grieveously at my loss and as the clock of time moved on, I didn't. I fell into the worst depression in January of this year after being totally against ever having another relationship again. Lets face it, I'm going to be 65 in March. I've gained weight. I was totally closed minded to another man in my life, even as a friend. I said often, being a Christian, "If God wants a man in my life He better take care of the details. I will not cooperate. Now I look back at that time, less than a year ago, and realize my attitude to die as Don's widow was a badge of honor I would not give up.

It was foolish of me. I was wrong not to heed of advise of many of my DS true friends who said "Just be open to the future."

God did work out all the details for me to meet a great friend and companion, who is very special to me. We meet under the most confusing circumstances and talked about our never wanting anyone more than the spouse we had lost. That support we gave each other grew to a strong caring for each other. Now it will be a year in Feb. 2011 since our first "date.' I put it in quotes because I made it abundantly clear I would not date. By July of this year I knew I was falling in love with him. I tried to beak it off, but he loved me too. I'm happy again, and thankful that my wonderful husband taught me what love is all about and the more you give love the more love fills your heart. Sharon

I feel the same. I can't imagine that anyone else will care for me the way my husband did. I hate thinking that I will be alone for the rest of my life, but I can't see myself with another man. I was hoping to grow old with the love of my life.

I am only 5 months out on this painful journey, but, I am asking God to grow me every single day. I want to be confident in myself and know I can take care of myself in all areas of my life: emotionally, spiritually and physically.
I hope to grow to enjoy being alone... right now, I admit, I do not like it at all!!!, And I also pray that if God would like me to meet another godly man... I seek to always to be in His will.
Please know God has a plan for each one of us.

Hugs and Peace to you on this journey!
Linda

I feel cheated. Our youngest had just left for college and we had plans for our "empty nest." Our time together again just the two of us. I had plans for our "happily ever after" and now I am reshaping the life I have been given. I too am thinking about the next half of my life alone. It is hard, I can't ever imagine loving anyone with the depth that I loved Mack. I am 46 and always thought we would grow old together. 22 years wasn't enough.