Oh my, I've been having the same thoughts since I lost Bill in February. I try not to think about the future and concentrate on one day at a time. Everytime I think about the future I cry. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. When Bill and I married we knew we had "finally gotten it right." I don't get mad at Bill for leaving, I'm mad at the drunk that took Bill from me. We just didn't have enough time together. I know how you feel.....I hate being alone.

I've been thinking about "aloneness" a lot. At 63, I doubt that I'll find another husband or lover, though I don't rule out the possibility. I figure the way not to be alone is to work on building up my women friendships. In the two months since my husband died, a small group of women -- including some very unexpected ones -- have rallied by my side. I find their company interesting and supportive and I can imagine spending the rest of my life going to movies, going to dinner, and traveling the world with women like this. Is it the same as having someone to chat with every night over dinner? Sharing in-jokes? No, but we can build histories together and share experiences together and not be alone. I hope.

The loneliness at first is bad. But now, at almost the 2 year mark, I don't feel like I'll be alone for the rest of my life...and if I am...that's OK too. The first year is rough y'all but you'll get through it - even when you think you can't. Just take life one day at a time and live the best life you can in honor of your lost love.

I understand your feelings. Rob and I had a nice life and a great marriage. I sit here after 11 months just trying to find peace with the emptiness of not sharing a life. I visit with family and friends often but after a while I feel like I am just interjecting myself into their lives. This is my life, here, alone now that Rob is gone. I can only take it one day at a time and the thought of it being forever is too difficult to comprehend. Hug, Donna

The " aloneness " is scary at times :( but I want to expand my circle of women friends and make the best of it all.
I wont remarry.......I had 44 happy years with my Mike and that is all I want .
I guess we will all continue to take " baby steps " till we reach a plateau of peace and maybe acceptance . {hugs}

and what do you do if your departed spouse was adamant that if anything happened to her that I find love again when I can't even imagine it. Of course it's only been 11 days and the thought of it, of anyone else ever ever ever is out of the question. No one could ever live up to Becci. She was my world and universe. Anyone else to me would be 2nd rate at best

It is so soon in your journey. The pain is so raw and the world is so dark and grey. I think that the only thing that can possibly help early on and what helped me was taking one breath at a time, one step at a time, one moment at a time and knowing that it would not stay the same...no matter what I was going through...it would not feel exactly the same forever. I did not even think about forever...I couldn't let myself. I only knew that it was unbearable and that someday it would get bearable. I was not the same person at 3 months that I was at 6, not the same person at 6 that I was at 9, not the same person at 9 that I was at a year, not the same person at a year that I was at a year and a half, still growing and changing. It's all so one step at a time. Please be kind to yourself. I think we forget that we ourselves are as worthy of the love that we felt for our loved one as they were. We are wounded and need lots and lots of time to heal.

Lots of hugs to everyone...
-Diana

I also have no desire to find anyone else, it has been less then a month for me. I just have no desire to find another soulmate, I just want the one I had back. I am ok with knowing there won't be another man in my life. I am 62.

Never say never. That's my motto.

I agree, I think this is the hardest part for me. It is too quiet, I want someone to have coffee with in the morning. I am envious everywhere I go and I see people together holding hands. We work hard all of our lives to spend time together and he is gone! What do we do now? I hope we find peace and can somehow accept all of this. Lu Ann

Yes, it is painful to see loving couples sharing time together. But I try to remember that Joe and I were one of those couples for many years, as others who were alone looked at us with longing to have it, too, I think of it as, "We had our turn", just like we have our turn to be parents for a few years, then our "little ones" leave us to go on to a life of their own. Life is a series of changes and evolutions. We were kids, teens, young marrieds, career minded, giving our kids hands in marriage finally, walking together as a couple like we were before we had kids, planning and actuating our retirement. Then came cancer at the exact year of retirement and took away our retirement completely. I feel my next phase is to be a good grandma, serve the needy through church and civic organizations. And, yes, I must face the time when disease or accident will destroy my body. BUT THEN! I know I am going to heaven to my savior and lord, and the best part of my life is YET TO COME!! Joe and I also will be together again,along with all our family and loved ones we knew on this earth. Life is a series of passages. This is just probably the most painful one right now. Don't lose faith in God because your reward IS COMING!

I understand the thought, but I think you are still early in your grief journey.

The quiet can be deafening. I look at this time of my life as a growing, learning experience. I am learning how to live alone. I am learning who I am without my "other half".. that is the first step. The second step will present itself to me when I have mastered the first step. One step at a time.

I very rarely come onto DS anymore as after 3 and a half years I feel it has served the purpose I turned here. Please, this is so new to you that you can't say you will be alone forever. I thought in the beginning I never wanted to be with anyone ever again. As time went by I did meet someone and it is good. Is it the same? No but it is really good. I wasn't looking for it,it found me and in honor of my husband and what we had I will not be alone, by choice. He would want me to find love and happiness with or without someone else.
Good luck with your journey and trust me healing and moving on is in your future
Hugs

I agree with Riverbends...NEVER say never. You cannot read the future....that's God's thing! All you can do is be yourself, look at the good things in life because there's always something good! I'm sure Rob would not want you in idle mode, watching the rest of the world go by but not jumping on the bandwagon. We're only given one life so live it GOOD...despite the curve ball that was thrown at you!