Rainbow I too am concerned about Lawrence - he and I used to converse regularly (I am a Scot living in Ireland) but I havent heard from him since 25 October and my last note to him on 6 December went unanswered. Lawrence f you are there an you let us know you are OK?

Fay

Linda . . . CRYING IS GOOD!! Please don't beat yourself up for it or over analyze it. The grief process requires it, and with the release of tears, the sooner you will find healing. I would rather view it as a positive than a negative. Good for you that you are allowing self to feel and express your emotions.

I'm so emotionally blocked even at 8 months, I have to watch stupid Hallmark movies to get the tears out. LOL They don't come easy, as I wish they could. Suppression is not healthy . . . I know this, but am simply in survival mode. I honor you and your ability to cry.

Big hug to you and keep the tears coming as long as they need to!

Dayna

Fay, let's hope he sees the posts and comes back on line. I miss his waves... But do most of all pray he is doing okay.

I have not been here much because of how I felt in my own personal life, but I am so glad I came back in time to encourage you to stay focus on God. I lost my husband too in 1997, and God has been with me. Yes, pain and memories will come, but God is greater than any pain and memory. I have trusted God this far I will continue to trust Him. Yes, you will hurt, cry, but in your hurt and cry, keep trusting God because only He can bring you the support you need through trusting Him, and through friends. When I read your post I felt my pain come back, but I will trust in the Lord. My prayers are with you Norske1

My only advice to you is stop taking Zoloft. My dad took it for a while and it has some bad side affects.

Maggie

It's a cruel twist of grief that it actually gets worse before it gets better. The initial numbness starts to lift and the full weight of the pain of your loss starts to settle on you. So go ahead and cry. Those gut wrenching sobs are part of your healing. Even though it doesn't feel like it now it does get easier. I'm at 6 months and while there are still times I get hit by those deep, raw tears it's nowhere near as often. I too felt that God was far away. Like you I didn't blame him for what happened. I think it's just part of the fog we are in in the early stages. I still keep praying for strength and peace on this journey and hope that God's still looking after me. Big hugs to you Linda, Liz.

Dcheramie- I too found xmas presents for myself and the kids, which we later opened at xmas. At the time he was still living but in very bad shape, brain barely conscious, he had died by the following week.
I keep the tears at bay at the moment by focusing on practical tasks, but before I know it I come across something which sets me off again.

I managed to keep the tears at bay while I was still at home, right after I found the presents. I took a trip over the holidays to visit my parents and sister. I decided before I left, I would get them all the present that my wife loved to get them every year, and that they expected.

She always got perfumes and cologne for them. As my sister opened hers, she said " oh I know what this is! Good Melodie got me the one we had talked about." That started the tears because my wife and sister had apparently discussed what perfume she wanted, and somehow I bought it for her without ever knowing they had talked. I guess that might have been one last message from my wife.. at least it makes me a tiny bit less sad to think do.

Linda - I am so sorry for your loss. At a month you are so early in the process - of course you will be shedding many tears! Let em come. Wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug!

Keep praying. The lord hears even through your tears. I never thought I would stop crying and even though it has been seventeen months, I still cry, but not as much. I remember going to church the day after he died. At one point, I ran out of the church into the hall and just cried my eyes out. My prayer is that you will be strengthen, and you will be, that you will be comforted while being strengthened and you will have peace. I am not sharing what I heard, I am telling you what I know. I feel better today than I did yesterday and you will too.