I am sorry for you loss and I know how you feel, you are not alone in this. Just try to take it one moment or one day at a time. I am scared too. It is the first time I had to take control of my life without my husband's advice, the finances, the mortgage and so much to do beside a full time job. Take your time to grief and do what is right for yourself. At 3 weeks time, I just got my husband's remain home from overseas. I began to have shocks, shaking, no appetite, loss weight and memory. It's been 6 months now, I can get through the grief most of the time. At 3 weeks, you are feeling raw, give yourself some time. You will get through it slowly, cant' rush it. Hugs and well wishes to you.

Hi Always,
like Silverfox said, it is so soon for you. You are still in shock and pain. Everything seems overwhelming. Try not to think to much about the future just yet. I know that is easy to say, but it's true. Take one day at a time & try and get thru that. It's been almost 6 months since my husbands death and it is better. I do fairly well now. I am no longer afraid to stay alone. I sleep again ok. It's taken time. I still hate being alone and I miss my husband desparately, but I do get thru the days ok. I still do not think of the future tho.
Like you, I do not think you can prepare for this. when my husband was Dx with cancer, we were told he was terminal too.
Take care of yourself and go easy on yourself too. What you are feeling is normal & I am sorry that you are going thru it. come on here and talk or vent anytime you need too. Someone will always be here to talk too. Lucy

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I understand exactly how you feel because I felt it the same when I was at the same point of the timeline as you. I had 2 years to adjust to the reality of cancer and knew he would not beat it. Yet, when he died I wanted to scream, NO, THIS IS NOT REAL!!! IT CAN'T BE!! It is the most awful reality I have ever experienced. I thought I was so prepared for his death, but, boy, was I wrong. It knocked me off my feet like I never imagined. The feelings I had, I had never had before. You are right.....it is a million times worse than we thought it would be.

In all the stresses of life, the loss of spouse heads up the most extreme and painful losses there are. I never knew there was this much pain. I never knew that there was such a loss of hope for the future. I never knew I could cry this much and not die myself.

Please do not set expectations for yourself as far as a timeline or worry about what others say to you (as if they know what you're going through. Everything you are feeling is normal. The ONLY thing I know of that we can do is not look too far into the future. Focus on one day at a time. If you feel like sleeping, allow yourself to do so. If you feel like being alone, that's OK too. Allow yourself small successes and congratulate yourself. Such as driving somewhere where you may feel fear because of not having him with you. That was one of my first successes. I drove to a town about an hour and a half away to take care of some business. I never thought I'd make it, but I did. One day at a time. Eat as well as you can, sleep as much as you feel like it, get some fresh air every day. Sending you warm wishes and comfort.

It has been a little over 4 months since my husband passed after a 7 1/2 month battle with lung cancer. I thought that I was better prepared. He worried about our youngest daughter and I. I kept telling him we would be ok. I promised him that we would to be ok ease his mind. But I really thought it would be hard, but we would be ok.
Four months in, I am not ok, our daughter is struggle thru her senior year of high school. I am just existing, that's all. I spend so much time, just sitting and staring...and thinking.
It had gotten better but along came the holidays. I am aware enough to know the holidays have begun but I don't want to leave my house and see it. I don't want to hear the sounds of Christmas.
So I exist in my quiet house. My main goal is to get thru the holidays and then pick up from there. Get out and go somewhere.
I will learn to function around this hole in my heart, I just can't right now.

And as you might can tell by my post, my thought process is not working.
I meant to say, I promised him that we would be ok, to ease his mind.

I believe you are describing me. I felt and thought the exact same things as you, to a point where I didn't want to live without him.

Like a hospice nurse's aide said to me, you can choose to either live or die. There is no in between.

I lost my husband in May 2009. In the beginning I could not shop in stores, let alone the ones we frequented. I was petrified thinking how I was going to resume certain things (i.e.,driving in the snow).

This is not for everyone, but I enlisted the services of a good counselor. It was the safe haven where I could blurb out every little thing that was going through my head without being judged or getting what I refer to as "well-meaning" comments and advice.

I can't say how long, but you will recover, altering the things you did together into what is suitable for you. Some things you just won't do anymore, and accept the fact that it (they) are no longer enjoyable or do-able without your husband.

In a nutshell, you will evolve into a new, stronger person, and will have created a life that is comfortable for you.

Blessings

You are missing and loving your husband. It's natural to feel what you describe. I also felt that it was beyond my capability to get through the horrible pain of losing him. Take it day by day, moment by moment and know you can cry or whatever gives you some calmness. I would sit in my recliner with a soft throw around me like a child comforted by the softness and try to relax.

Writing letters on your feelings helped me. I wrote to my husband, to God, but mostly I just wrote to get the emotions out of my heart. Whatever it takes, we do and we hold on to the others here for support. Wishing you well. Sharon

I totally agree with everything you wrote-feeling the same here.

The loss of my spouse has been the worst thing I have ever had to experience. You're right! No matter how prepared we think we are, it IS "a million times worse than I ever imagined."

So confused, so many questions, so much GUILT! I cried, sobbed and melted down, every day, for months. Then I found this site. I still suffered breakdowns but came here to read everyone else's posts and how others were experiencing the same things I was. It helps to share grief.

Slowly, over the past 9 1/2 months (my Darrell died on Valentine's Day), I've worked at dragging myself from the abyss. And, I have to credit everyone here with pulling me, when there were times I just wanted to let go and fall forever into the darkness; and cajoling me with their words of encouragement, during the times I felt I didn't have the strength to go on.

The process is full of misery and "why's?" and "if only's." I just KNEW I'd never smile again, let alone laugh. Until, one day, someone on here wrote something that made me laugh so hard, I nearly peed my pants. I started to laugh, and laugh, and laugh, and couldn't stop laughing. It just felt so good to LAUGH! That was my first baby step.

Looking back on those early days and weeks, I see how I've grown and how I'm "becoming" and I rather like the new me. I still have a crying jag, now and then, but it's nothing like what I went through when I was at where you are in your grief.

And, I still miss my Darrell. I'm just content to take him with me everywhere I go, snuggled in his little niche in my heart, and knowing that that's the way it always will be from now on. I'm satisfied.

Please know that, although you don't believe it now, you will get better. The wound will never completely heal, but it will bleed less every day and it will scab over. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your pain go away - sorry! no can do. Part of the horror of this grief-thing is that we each must go through the fire in order to get to the other side. But, we do have each other to lean on as we make that journey.

Welcome to our circle of sadness.

Hugs,
Terry

Thank you all so much for your understanding of how much life sucks for me right now, your support that its ok to feel this way but mostly for all your words of encouragement that things will eventually get easier to deal with, thank god I found this site, I love you all for all your kind words, youve helped me more than you know. Tomorrow will be a difficult day for me because my daughter & I will be picking up my husbands remains & bringing them home, so you may be hearing from me again tomorrow when im melting down. :(

I knokw exactly how u r feeling, it's been 7 months since my husband died and I dont know how I am going to make it without him, He was my best friend and soul mate and now I face a life of loneliness and deep pain. I feel the numness has only just wore off and I am realizing that things will never be the same again. I just found this site and joined todau as I am so desperate for support. I dontk now how I am going to make it through all the firsts this time of the year brings. It was only last year at this time that we renewed our wedding vows never thinking that 5 months later I would be back in te same place for his funeral service. His birthday is christmas eve and I dont know how my broken heart can cope with all this pain.

Hi
So Sad to have so Many have lost their Loved One, at the same time the We, Us, Our lives have taken a major jarring STOP.
This is an awesome site with some of the best caring folks ever who will provide sound thoughts and express loving care and they have what we need.
I listen, I hope, I breathe each day, I take baby steps each day.
So I wish Hope, and keep it simple, Gently Hugs
Rick